one more...

On Wednesday, we attended our last PDE class. But none could concentrate (only some of us were there though) as we just knew that the Problem Set #3's grading was out and we're soooo anxious that two others and I dashed out from the class few minutes before it ended to check it out.

And I broke the record as the only student who has never skipped any lessons for the entire two terms that we have had!! Yayyy!! It doesn't make me any smarter though *sob*.

Anyway, I mentioned I was going for a hiatus.

However, here I am to utter a plea "Pray for me please!!"

I am under the weather now, down with flu symptoms when I have to prepare the most dreadful exam in the entire history of human being (yeah right, I am exaggerating unless we take the 'human being' set to consist of only one element which is me). I guess my hardwork and lack of sleeps have really reached the toll... such a bad timing to fall sick *sob sob*.

But this might be the last time I say 'Optimization'. Not again in the future. I am really not into Optimization. Believe me if it is not a core subject I won't take it. Haiz. I'm more excited for next term's courses though it might be more difficult. Will tell you more about it later.

So, pray for me pleaseeeee......

ada yang minta..

Ada yang minta blog ini untuk di update *hayo siapa, ngaku*

Tapi mau update apa yah.. masih sutris binti sutrisno sama exam g minggu depan. Bener-bener kadang bisa gemeteran kalo pas kepikir. Suka kemimpi2 ga jelas gitu.

Jadi, hiatus dulu ya. Sampe kapan nggak tau. Mungkin next post ntar g lagi maen salju haha =D
Karena abis exam mau langsung mudik, dan mudiknya bawa PR lho.. bayangkan!! haiz.. =( mesti prepare buat thesis project.

ya udah deh segini dulu. g mau tidur or else i would be a zombie again tomorrow.

anyway, masa yah.. di salah satu email g ada tulis gini di bawahnya (padahal ga nyambung2 amat sama isi emailnya, tapi entah kenapa tiba2 kepikir dan langsung aja diketik gitu) dan si resipien merasa tersentuh banget lho...
jadi if it can touch her, perhaps it might do you also..

You might be wrecked but you would never been abandoned...
You might feel lonely but you're never alone...
You might lose your way but you will find it back...
You might not be the luckiest person in the world but you're still blessed...

Good night I shall greet you
For the moon is up and sun is resting
Close your tired eyes and let darkness embraces you
For the hectic day has passed and tomorrow is waiting

Bulukaki

Ketika aku masih SMA dulu
Di sebuah gedung hijau di dekat Pasar Baru
Yang isinya cewek melulu
Kawan-kawanku, beginilah dulu jawabmu
ketika ditanya "seperti apa pria idamanmu?"
"Pria berbulu"
Iya, jawabmu dulu begitu

Eits jangan salah prasangka dulu
Bukanlah berbulu seperti Mas Ronaldo dan Mas Cafu
Tetapi "BERSIH BUGAR SELALU"

Tetapi kini,
kembali ke realiti
lihatlah kaki ini
Berbulu panjang di betis kanan kiri,
Di bawah lutut TEPAT SEPULUH SENTI!!
Oh apakah ini karena kaos kaki
Yang putih bersih
Tetapi bolong di bagian jari
Setinggi penggaris tiga puluh senti

Kulihat pahaku,
Mulus mulus aja tuh
Dan kemudian tanganku
Mulus juga tuh

Oh pasti ini pasti
karena kaos kaki

Kawanku bilang kumesti bercukur
Membuatku menjadi terdiam terpekur
Apakah dengan bulu kecantikan diukur?
Ah, nasi sudah menjadi bubur
Biarkan lah ia tumbuh subur
Siapa tau ia sumber makmur
(Bilang aja males nyukur)

Tibalah kita di akhir cerita ini
"Balada Kaos Kaki Sebuah Sekolah Khusus Puteri"

ps: maap ga penting...

There's an Eiffel dangling on my thumb drive...

I have this friend, whom I don't meet so often but we still maintain good contacts like old time...

So. It has been MONTHS since we planned to meet. Kept on postponing it, both are busy with studies. Until few days ago, few minutes past midnight she called me and said "Rhea, my birthday just ended few minutes ago..."

OMG... there are 24 hours in a day but not for a single minute that I remembered her birthday!! So I told her that this weekend we'll definitely meet (kalo orang Singapore bilang "die die must meet").

So we did today. Over lunch at 3.30 pm!! Man, we were starving by then.. It was rather impromptu actually, at around 1 pm I called her to fix a time and both of us decided that we changed and went right there and then. From West Coast and Tampines, we met in Orchard.

She gave me this handphone accessories.. an Eiffel tower miniature *eh whose birthday was it? hehehehe*. She's just back from Europe (UK and France) as PART OF her study.

*grrrbbll...* how unfair. When I did my undergrad, our 'best' tours were to this lab and that lab. And here she is, a Fine Art student, did ONE FULL MONTH tour to UK and France. To study about arts, visit art museums, interact with other artists....

Hao Xiang Hao Xiang...

Back to the Eiffel.. as I like my handphone to be accessories-free always but want to put the Eiffle on something (anything), I decided to attach it to my thumb drive. So now it sparkles!!

Merah Merah Merah

See the red pillow? I like to hug it when I lean on on the desk's edge while working with my pencil and paper. But somehow it's not that comfortable when I'm typing on my laptop.

And when I put it on my desk (yup, as you see from the pic) I just realized that there are clutters of red stuffs on my desk. And you should see inside my huge lovely Kipling pencil case, there are still some =). So I took this picture *grin*.

Looking at my red stuffs always lift up my spirit hahaha =D especially when you cram with studying.

I remember many protested when I wore my red pair of shoes (too old, discarded already *hiks* still looking for new nice pair), red bag, red t-shirt, red umbrella... hey what's wrong with that?
If Gothic is for black, Rheathic is for RED!!!

Badai Pasti Berlalu

Buat yang getol baca Marga T, pasti tau novel yang berjudul seperti tertera di atas tersebut *ini bahasanya bener ga sih*.

Buat yang udah menginjak usia remaja di taun 1976, mestinya aware sama film yang udah melegenda ini.

Christine Hakim, Roy Marten... tampaknya mereka jadi idola sepanjang masa. Laris manis.

Soundtracknya juga gak kalah melegenda. Garapan Eros Djarot, Chrisye and the gank (termasuk Fariz RM kayaknya) berhasil meninggalkan torehan manis di blantika musik Indonesia. Aransemen ulang oleh Erwin Gutawa, dengan lantunan suara Chrisye dan segerombolan orchestra dari Aussie juga gak kalah dahsyat. Walau katanya sih, tetep bagusan aslinya.

Contoh lagu-lagunya yang keren: "Matahari" (buat yang pernah sekolah di SMP Santa Maria and bergabung di choir asuhan Pak Ocep mestinya tau lagu favorite dari taun ke taun ini), "Badai Pasti Berlalu", "Serasa", "Merepih Alam", "Baju Pengantin", "Angin Malam", etc.

Denger-denger, lagi disiapin film remake-nya untuk keluar awal taun 2007 nanti.

Pernah juga disinetronin, yang main Dian Nitami. Sayang ikke ga nonton, udah di Sanur tuh waktu itu, boro-boro nonton sinetron. Tidur aja nyicil-nyicil dan nyolong-nyolong.

Pernah ditayangin pas taun 99 di salah satu saluran tipi swasta, apa daya ikke kudu ikutan nyoblos pemilu untuk pertama kalinya jadi ga bisa nonton. Padahal pas itu kalo ga salah ada 2 tipi yang menayangkan "Badai Pasti Berlalu" dan "Bukan Impian Semusim" barengan *ggrrbbll*. (Bukan Impian Semusim lokasinya di Sanur dan cerita berkisar di Sanur-CC katanya, pan pengen liat sekolahku masuk tipi begitchu).

Nah, pertanyaannya sekarang: GIMANA CARANYA IKKE BISA NONTON FILM ASLINYA?
Bukan yang remake, bukan pula sinetronnya.

Yang asli. Yang ada Christine Hakim, Roy Marten, Slamet Rahardjo, Mieke Wijaya. Piye yo?

Udah sering hunting di toko2 sidi di jakarta. Tapi nihil mulu. Emang ga ada kali?

Tulung donk sodara-sodara, kasi tau gimana caranya ikke bisa nonton film ini? Udah bertaun-taun penantianku, kasihanilah diriku.

Ga puas baca bukunya ampe lecek dan dengerin soundtrack nya sampe *eh ga sampe bosen seh*.


PS: Iya emang g juga tau kalo g ngeblog pake Indo biasanya kacao beliao bahasanya, jadi jangan protes okeh!! (padahal kalo ngomong inggrisnya yang belepotan)

seriously, something is missing

I know that I have never been the smartest,
I am not even born smart

But sheer determination, hardwork, samurai spirit (and luck) have always pulled me through and lifted me up.

The problem is, I think I've lost some of them now.

Admittedly, I have often reached a bifurcation point:
- to give up and try finding a greener pasture out there
- to stay put, stagger on and ready to accept all the consequences that may come on this road that I've chosen, even failure

It's like computing the probability exp(-(c(y)-c(x))/T) in Simulated Annealing

Currently I am still at the second option so wish me luck.

exam = bonding?

"Time's up!!!"

Then the commotion started. The loudest was "What the hell is Sturm Sequence??"

Yup, the midterm was ended and it's definitely not something that we will gladly jot down in our life diary, to tell our grandchildren one day.

So unfair, it's much more difficult and complicated than last year's. For both Optimization and Numerical Method. Bleeehh...

Then I started "who wants to join me to McD?" In the end 10 out of 11 crowded McD together for a treat of ice cream. Believe it or not, we have never felt this close with each other before.

So tonight I will sleep for an unspecified time *finally*.

photo blunder

It's too early now to go (need to reach NTU by 11.30 am) and too short time to do any works. So I think I'll just blog instead.

Tomorrow we need to go to US Embassy for our Visa application, which means we need the 2 inch by 2 inch photo. A friend has warned me that she's got dark circle seen (quite obviously) in her photo.

So, yesterday I purposely put on some concealer around my eye bag. I did buy it just to conceal my eye bags some times ago (during pre-musical period). At that time, some people thought I put on some make up *Gothic style? Halah.. please lah*

When the photo was printed out:
- dark circle -- of course!! It's still obvious somehow *haiz*
- all slanted -- I just followed whatever instruction the photographer gave me. Tilt here, slant there, move here, adjust there.. And it turns out to be all-slanted and not centered =(.
- tiger-print like reflection on my glasses' frame. It's so strange. I don't know why and how those reflection shown (NOT on the lens but the frame). It looks like the glasses my mom used to wear ('mine' is still more conservative though), not in 60ies, not in 70ies but in 90ies.

She has some problem with her eyes and the doctor suggested her to wear glasses, mainly to cover it from too much exposure. And so suddenly she had some tiger print, retro, cat-eye shaped glasses. Mine was definitely pale in comparison that time. Haha =D

Anyway, help me to pray that tomorrow our visa application will be smooth-sailing... =D

what went wrong?

This afternoon I had a conversation with a professor. He is an alumni from the program that currently I am going through, one of the success story.

Anyway, we talked about life in SMA. How to cope, what are the difficulties, what should we focus on etc etc etc?

He told me how hard he worked (he wakes up at 2 or 3 am in the morning to work). What was his attitude towards research.

Then I realized something is missing in me.

Compared to him, my attitude and hardwork in undergrad were half of his. Now, may be only a quarter?

Then I started thinking, indeed I am different from me in undergrad. I think I am better suited as a PhD candidate then and not now hehehe =D

What went wrong? What's missing? Have I got a paradigm shift?

One apparent comparison strucked me:
in undergrad, I spent day by day in library, savouring from textbooks to textbooks. Now, I've never been to school library since school starts!!!

I guess I am lacking of motivation now. Ardour, zest, fervour, whatever you call it, for studying.

I wish I could pick it up again. Oh, hope it's not too late.

Indeed some people who have known me for long said that now I am more able to enjoy life.

I think 3-years of working has made me lazier and lazier...

*ganbatte me!!!*
ps: or am I just getting older? ;)

*allergic*

I enjoyed my last weekend.

Though I still had to do my homeworks and heaps of derivation and coding, but I also found time to go out, had dinner with loved ones (we had a 'blast' teasing the chef in Sushi Tei wuakakkakakaka), bickered with my sister and future in-laws (in case you're asking, he is not in town), went out to buy some new red stuffs (I need a certain dose of 'red stuffs' every now and then to boost my spirit), etc etc etc...

I slept less but I was energetic. High. Did what I had to do.

Last night I had enough sleep, 6 hours. Before leaving home, another 1 hour.
But today, when I came to school at around 3pm:
severe headache
fever

I think I know why.

THE LADY IN RED IS ALLERGIC TO SCHOOL.

Links

aduh biyuuuung... ngantuk pisan euy. Gak boleh bermalas-malasan!! Harus semangat!!
Though I really want to have a decent sleep... =(

Anyway, this entry is just about links...
To motivate you
To entertain you -- I believe some of you might have seen it though...(Thanks Cath!!)
To be nostalgic -- originally it dated back to 29 years ago, but for us.. hmm 15-20 years ago?
To melt your heart -- a wonder boy from one of my favourite movie...
Only if you are curious -- knowing what I must go through now, I think I should stick to #2 *nasi sudah menjadi bubur*

C'est tout... Bonne journée!
*J'ai beacoup du sommeil*

gagal total dengan suksesnya

So, that was it.

The Optimization Method is an utter, complete, total disaster. Though I am compelled to say that it's still half as disastrous as my Microprocessor System exam in third year undergraduate.

Another thing, I won't encourage any living creatures to have exam at night. Ours was 9.40 pm - 11.20 pm. Hardly enough to finish all those monstrous questions.

It's soooo much more difficult than all past year midterm papers that we have attempted. Not even close. I also feel bad for Prof Sun who has guided us during recitation sessions here in Singapore. He is soooo good, sooo patient, sooo kind, soooo smart. I feel I am (or we are) disappointing him.

I have decided what thesis project I am going to do and surely it has nothing to do with Optimization. I know this grade will have minuscule effects on me. For me alone, I don't really care.

But for Prof Sun who has been very nice...
For my mother, sisters, brother, significant other, loved ones who have (too) huge faith in me and have prayed for me fervently...
I feel like disappointing them...

*feel so bad*

Burnt Out

We found out today that ALL of us are burnt out.

This is the busiest period in our term, supposedly, but somehow we lose the languor, the drive and motivation.

Despite Optimization midterm this wednesday, we couldn't really study last weekend. Today, somehow the mood was high and hyper... it is not like we're going to have midterm at all. We just couldn't care less. The class has never been closer like today.
Until the TA had to quieten us.

Some of us bring laptops to the class. And in the middle of Optimization lecture, my friend check his e-mail and... PDE Assignment is postponed for another one week!!

HOORAAAAYY!!

So we went even more high and hyper afterwards. (I heard that a senior typed for 9 PAGES for the derivation of question 2b. 9 pages just for the derivation! Can you imagine that? And I haven't even started that particular question. The due date was supposed to be 30 Oct).

Except me.

Halfway through the lecture, suddenly I felt sick. Really sick. Head spinning, nauseatic, listless.

When I stood up after the class finished, I realized that my body shaking especially my arms and legs. Walking to the van was something strenuous. I could really see my hands trembling. I really thought I would faint any minute.

I am home now, take as much as glucose surge as I can. Biscuits, chocolate, hot ginger drink...

That's why I didn't go to sleep straight away. I have to stuff myself. As if chocolates are my staple..

what do i do today?

Today I did nothing much *stress*.

To begin with, I woke up when it was almost lunch time *grin*. As I slept when it was almost breakfast time *doh*. I believe I was half dreaming when working on my PDE report at almost 5am. Seriously, I guess the last updated part of my report was a mix between the assignment and my dream. No joke. Do you know the moment you doze off, half awake and half asleep? But as my hand was still typing, it's a jumble of both...

The question that I was working on was about 'rescue mission' in Boston Harbor. So we are given the speed function around Boston Harbor and are supposed to find the optimal path from lifeguard postition to the swimmer by solving Eikonal Equation numerically.

Surely it has nothing to do with pistol? But believe it or not I found 'pistol' on my report. That's the moment I decided to sleep hehehe =D

Before lunch, I read Optimization *midterm this wednesday!! pray for me please* a bit, then continued after lunch, then watched the second half of Elizabethtown, then printed out some past year midterm, did one, then decided to go to Cathedral for 6 pm mass.

Left home at 5, took bus, dropped a book in library, attend mass, went to Raffles City:
- quick dinner of pizza and caesar salad *yum*
- went to 'That CD Shop', ask the counter whether they have Rick Astley's Portrait, got it, paid for it
- went to Marks and Spencer to buy some nibbles
- bought two takeaway scoops of Haagen Dazs
- dashed home
- reached home at around 8.30
- eating my ice cream while blogging
- listening to Rick Astley
- start getting panic, will I finish all the things I have to do? Am I too relaxing today?

Human. Whatever we do it just never seems right.

Missing a holiday...

I wish I was there again. In the midst of winter chill, and yet the blazing sun of... Surfers Paradise!

No worries. No responsibilities. No tasks. No agenda except to have an utter fun. Literally jobless (was in between job hopping). The most glorious days ever. We had SO MUCH FUN!!! Sisters who have waited for twenty-over years to meet?

I miss holiday, badly. I crave for it.

I also crave for some foods:
creamy mushroom pasta (don't ask me why, it just suddenly crossed my mind during one of the lecture)
Haagen Dazs - Strawbery Cheesecake and Melon flavoured ice cream
Haagen Dazs - Affogato
Mushroom and Cheese Prata
Chicken Murtabak
FRESH GREEN SALAD -- I guess I really need it!! I feel more and more lethargic each day...
Seah Street Deli's Bread and Butter pudding (ooommmppphhh)
Crusty thin pizza
Salmon Sashimi with a glob of wasabi *yum*

Heh, it's just some from MANY.

At night, when I am alone, with only a faint MP3 sound and the rythm of your typing, nobody else's online to chat with, the craving surges like there's no tomorrow.

Can't imagine if I get pregnant one day... what to crave? ('to crave' you mean I'll plan it? *wink*)

We'll have a meeting with faculty members (via video conference) tonight 8 pm. So I have to go to school after dinner =(. Normally I can spend the whole Friday at home.

I hope they're going to discuss about the thesis project for next term.

OMG I'm soooo hungry now. You can hear the rumble in my stomach. But the dinner is not ready yet =(

PS: the other girl (in the picture) just registered her marriage yesterday. Felicitazione!!
I wish you all the blissful matrimonial life ahead, blessed with wonderful children. Though I am rather sad that you'll move back to Sydney again, it's barely 1 year you're here in Singapore... But it's OK, at least a free accommodation is guaranteed whenever I feel like flying across the Pacific...

Some tips for you...

Actually, since my undergraduate years (or was it my high school time) some people do come and ask me how can I stay awake and study 'til the breaking of dawn (not always, of course, not even close to frequent).

OK, so here are some tips for you. Hmm where should I start...

You'll definitely be very sleepy. Try to motivate yourself, telling that if you work hard tonight you will get a better day tomorrow though this fact is not always true. Life is cruel sometimes, my friend...

Blast some music, depending on your mood. Normally you need something a bit more upbeat instead of slow ones. But it also depends on what you're doing though. Sing along if you can, or lipsync if your singing ability is not better than mine.

Take some intermezzo. Writing a blog entry like what I am doing now, for example...

Try to 'strategize' in finishing your work. What I mean here is that as you are the only person knowing what you're good and bad at, you can decide what to do at certain time/place frame. Did I confuse you? OK, I'll just give you an example.
For me, things I can do most at night is typing the report. There is more "physical work" than "brain work" here. The next is coding.
So, definitely I'll leave the textbook and lecture notes reading to 'daylight activities". As for me, I need a very high concentration in reading and grappling the contents. It's a no-no for night routine, or I'll waste my time trying to understand something at a "wrong time".

So, when you know what task you can do best at certain time, just try to fit in into that.

Drink and go to washroom as often as you may wish.. you need some 'movements' anywhere.

Take your regular dose of Brand's Chicken essence twice a week (as more than that would mean shaving off my bank account).

Things to do during the daylight:
take vitamin C each day
take a short nap if possible, even if it's only for 20 minutes.

And last thing:
make sure you have at least one night in a week that you can have a good and sufficient sleep.

answering one comment...

Referring to Flo's comment on my previous post, I guess it is more appropriate if I answer here (erm sekalian curhat kali ya).

Honestly, if I am asked: "Which one do you prefer, working or studying?"

Without hesitating, my answer is to study.

Working might be more relax, but if you have had three years of feeling like a wrong peg in a wrong hole, you get what I mean. You become restless and your mind always wanders around, trying to find a niche to fit in.

Now, at least, I know I am in the right "place" but might not be the right program =).
Hmm but actually the program itself is OK. It's not anyone's fault that I am not really interested in Optimization but have to take it anyway.

So, some are OK, quite enjoyable but some others just torture me. I guess that's normal. The world is not only yours anyway.

I really seldom go out recently that going out would bud guilty feeling within me. It's not good? Staying at home constantly, reading and working and coding can be damn boring at times. But, what to say, c'est la vie.

The maid in this house has even asked me few times "Actually do you sleep? Sometimes when I already woke up you are still wandering around the house"

So. Hopefully I can still stay in sanity.

Flo, do you actually dream about your work? Hahaha I often had to wake up though my sleep was still very little because I dreamt that:
- a friend told me that I missed out some points in my PDE report and in my sleep I tried to convinced myself that her argument is wrong. Even until I woke up I still thought of that
- the TA told me that I did very badly, my report was disappointing and I got the excruciatingly lowest grade in class though I've spent more time than others
- this morning, the velocity and distance function (Eikonal) HAUNTED me.. really... it's crazy. I even felt compelled to start work immediately after woke up THOUGH my bladder almost exploded...
- etc...

Am I still sane?

tired of...

I am tired of not being able to have a proper and peaceful sleep
I am tired of not being able to take a nap
I am tired of always worrying about homeworks and assignments
I am tired of having my heart beats 10x faster than normal everytime lecture time
I am tired of not being able to concentrate because I don't have enough sleep
I am tired of not being able to concentrate during mass in church
I am tired of having weird dreams
I am tired of having mind calculation about the deadlines
I am tired of having my heart sommersaulting everytime I check school e-mails and the subject webpage. Anything new may mean homework.

I am C R A V I N G F O R A H U G E N I C E B O W L O F I C E C R E A M
preferrably Haagen Dazs

PS: the haze in Singapore is terribly bad now.. Really really bad. What did Indo do actually? Climate changes, it's now hotter than ever..

A day in a word or two

Saturday, 14 October 2006

00.00 am -- still deriving equations for my PDE assignment
01.00 am -- start coding in MATLAB
03.00 am -- start with report for question 1, writing typing all the equations and their nitty-gritty derivation (only three pages but took bloody long time)
04.20 am -- start getting sleepy, fought to stay awake
04.44 am -- decided to sleep, after the last equation was neatly typed

-- SLEEP... zzzzzzzz --

09.45 am -- decided to wake up (not bad, 5 hours sleep) after kept on dreaming that I derived one of the soliton equation wrongly and it went haywire when run
-- Breakfast, listen to radio, coffee, novel, cold shower, reply SMS-es --
11.00 am -- summon all my soul to start working on my laptop
11.30 am -- still web browsing and blog walking. Then REALLY start to work on my MATLAB
12.20 pm -- The moment of the week. Finally I got the matrix that I have been waiting for, discussing about, dreaming over, for days. Sheer luck, perhaps. As when I really put all my heart and soul to get it, all I got was "almost there". This morning, when I didn't pressurize myself to get it, it just came. Really, like fated (apa seeehh??)
12.30 pm -- lunch
01.00 pm -- wrapped up my Numerical Simulation assignment, having found that long awaited matrix
01.30 pm -- felt rather sleepy, decided to take a nap
02.00 pm -- still couldn't sleep, with the jumble of solitons and optimization on my poor mind
02.20 pm -- jumped out the bed (so NO nap) as I suddenly remember I did one typo in my Numerical Simulation report
02.30 pm -- Started reading Optimization lecture notes
03.00 pm -- EXTREMELY HUNGRY, and bored to death with any kind of biscuits that I have
03.30 pm -- decided to go to Jurong East library, get changed and get ready
04.00 pm -- already in library (Cafe Galilee to be exact)
06.30 pm -- the 'library session' was concluded with one curry puff, one Vanilla Frappe with ice cream, one Cafe Latte, one Fish and Chips and two chapters of Optimization textbook.
Went up to the borrowing section, contemplating to borrow a new novel but decided otherwise
Called my sister to fix a lunch date tomorrow (after she protested as I cancelled our Friday lunch. She said "but I've postponed my drama club meeting..." oh well, what to do, my homework came first). Guilt-ridden, so tomorrow it is. Seah Street Deli, my fave and so near to Cathedral.
Went to Popular bookstore and bought some stationery.
07.30 pm -- waiting for the bus
08.00 pm -- took shower etc
08.30 pm -- read Optimization again
09.00 pm -- played Les Miserabes CD on my laptop. Only watched for some songs, the rest of it was just audio to me.
An SMS came in, invitation for Dim Sum tomorrow morning. Changed my Sunday mass schedule and called my sister to change the time (yes she was also invited, of course)
00.00 pm -- still reading Optimization, trying to really grab the concept of something that I have been only vaguely clear about

So that's Saturday for me. Tomorrow I have to be in Cathedral at 8 am and yet I can't sleep before 3 now, seems like.

OK, I'll go to sleep now. How's your Saturdays? Anything interesting?

Our latest theory - about EQ and IQ

There are a lot of smart people in the world. But honestly, the term 'smart' here can be interpreted plurally.

Those who always ace their grade.
Those who always come to the top.
Those who win any competition/olympics.
Those who are just born smart (hehe difficult to explain but surely you have seen some)

But, in my humble opinion, there is a thin line between book smart and smart.

By 'book smart', they can be easily identified as those who work sooo hard, swallow all the book contents and ace the class.

By 'smart', it refers to those who are so fortunate to be fast, fluid, good absorbent and won't waver when their creativity is challenged.

None is better than the other. Not all human being were born genius (not even close). 'Book smart' people can counter it by their hardwork, which deserves a thumbs-up.
The 'smart' ones, when being indolent, won't progress much either.

But the problem is, no matter which category they are from, some of smart people are soooo arrogant. Aloof. Or weird. Or ridiculous. Or inhuman. Or allienized. Some even have attitude problem.

So here's a theory conjured by six CE students:
EQ and IQ are orthogonal to each other. They are completely linearly independent and when combined, their inner product is zero.

But hey, some smart people are really pleasant, human and amiable.

So here is my appendix - second theorem:
Some smart people can "come down" from their Krylov subspace and lose that orthogonality in x-space -- human world i.e. where we are (or at least where I am).

Actually I often wonder, why are they soooo arrogant? Helplessly, ridiculously arrogant? What for? It's ok if they only look down on us. Well, who are we? Indeed we are lagging sooo much behind compared to them. But being arrogant and looking down to the professor? MIT professors to put on more emphasis? Who do they think they are?

How can you stand some people whom when you ask some questions, the answer was "This one you should know."

'That person' can't even think a simple logic: If I know, why do I ask?

Oh, some people...

Adorable?

Is... oops wasn't he OH-SO-ADORABLE?

And Gosh... he is so much more photogenic than I am..

This picture is so precious, he was usually camera-shy and always blink his eyes whenever the flash is out.

I do wonder how he felt and what he thought (if a dog can ever think) when the car hit him. When he struggled for the dear life. When fate decided otherwise.

This boy is timid and so sweet. Hopefully nobody bullies him 'up there'. 'Down here', it just won't be the same anymore.

(In memoriam: Boxy 29 September 2006)

Boredom

I am bored in a way you can never imagine. It's the kind of boredom that's unsurpassable with anything.

I am so bored and saturated that I can't study anymore.
Yet, when I tried to distract myself on something else, I got sooo stressed up knowing that I actually should do something.

I can't read any notes. My eyes and brain just refuse.
I can't do any report. All's shut up.

I don't know what to do and my head feels so heated up.

I wish I can open my head up, put my brain in a cold shower and study again...

I just want to do my best

I know I only have this much to offer,
this capacity to absorb things they teach,
this knowledge to precede my study,
this intelligence to get things right,
this saturation limit to stick to homework and study,
lack of brilliance to utter something impressive,
lack of swift to detect faults in lectures,
lack of intuition in solving problems...

But all this while I know,
Giving up is at the bottom list of my dictionary,
Surrender is only for losers,
Determination is the key,
Unlocking my OWN personal paradise,
realm of knowledge, enjoyment and satisfaction

This is not my first struggle
And I have conquered the rest

If this is my next share
Come, I'll take it
Come, I'll do it
Come, I'll finish it

As these are all I have.
Determination, Samurai spirit and faith.

I don't know what the outcome would be.
There is no time to think, no time to ponder.
Just step your feet ahead and continue walking.
As stopping is only for faint-hearted.
And stepping back is only for loser.

I just want to know,
at the end of the day I could say:
I did it. Again.

I don't always expect a triumphant cheers nor victorious crown.
It's my own fear I want to conquer.

I just want to do my best.
This is where I stand, until HE moves me on.

Incubation, Saturation and...

Epiphany!!

Yohanes Surya is among the most prominent Professors in Physics in Indonesia. His contribution to Science and Physics are uncountable to the country. In his hand, few countrymen bagged medals from International Physics Olympic.

I met him only once (hmm 7 years ago?) but I secretly admire him (ouw). Hehe basically I always admire smart people. Smart people who are humble, 'human' and normal.

In the article that I linked above, he mentioned three stages of thinking as formulated by one physician named Helmholtz.
- Incubation
- Saturation
- Enlightenment

So indeed, after we reach rock bottom then we will find something. Indeed the 'saturation' stage is inevitable if we want to achieve something.

So don't ever give up, guys!! Especially those doing his/her PhD.

Actually, I am still looking for an article about him. I remember finding it once. About what? Hahaha don't laugh, but I remember he mentioned in one of interviews about his secret in being able to live healthily and in top form though he sleeps only 3 hours everyday. Was it some fruit juice concoction? I think I need it...

Time to sleep now. It's 4.30 am now. My fault. I drank coffee at midnight (third cup for yesterday), thinking I would need the caffeine to finish my code. I did finish, I know I should continue with the report straight away but... too lazy. Tired. BORED. But I had not been sleepy yet.

That's why you see some posting tonight...
Catch up again with you guys, some other day...

matrix? matric?

One of our 'party of five' member invited us for a birthday lunch next Monday. It is a place where students would get discount.

So in the invitation e-mail he wrote "don't forget to bring your matrix card."

Matrix? Hahaha you've work too much, JC! Too many matrices to work on and to type for reports? (It should be 'matric')

It reminds me of the days of my FYP. My project was in Robotics Research Center, NTU and one of my close friend also did her project there. We were under the same supervisor. Along the way, we built up friendship (a very good one) with other students who worked in the same clusters. All were under the supervisory of Francis.

He is known as the most demanding supervisor in NTU-MPE (now MAE). He could flip my heart upside down with his big cheery British grin and acclaim "hey, finish this by next Tuesday! I want you to join the exhibition". Gubrak!!!! It was only few days away for my goodness sake, and inspiration had not struck me by then. And FEW codes were still untouched.

So, as the victims of the same predators, often we had to stay in RRC until late night to finish whatever he asked for (bargain was not in his dictionary). Even on 24 Dec and the day just before Chinese New Year. We started creating our own language. One that I remember was we swap "iterating" and "irritating". Don't ask me why. I guess it's just because we used them so often.

So when we conversed (inside or outside lab) using our own invented languages, usually people stared at us "are they mad? or simply english illiterate?"

It actually amused us even more...

I miss those days...

Budding authors

Some of us joked the previous day during dinner at school. By the end of this program, some of us can start writing a chapter about:

- compilation of all Linear Algebra proof and his other works exuding high level of intelligence
- compilation of all reports and tips on how to make a 'report that is like a thesis'
- all the complains one has thrown throughout the year (yes, one of us is a great complain-er)
- how to cram homeworks in last minutes
- how to keep a long distance relationship over all the workload
- how to keep smiling no matter how much homeworks are awaiting
- how to maximize and optimize the time spent with girlfriend
- how to drive back home at 11 pm everyday safely
- how to live in Singapore but follow US time (one of us did 'stay overnight' in atheneaum and only comes back in the morning for proper sleep)

One person may account for one topic and we will compile it to a book named
"Survival Guide for SMA-CE students"

And yeah, perhaps we'll generate megabucks without really working on simulation, optimization, PDE etc. Hahaha good idea, eh?

Long Weekend!!!

Yaaaayyy!!!

Finally, we have 5 days holiday! Really what I need. Next Monday and Tuesday (9 and 10 Oct) are Columbus Day holiday in US. Thanks God for what happened in 1492!!

Days have been busy. And stressful. I spend less and less time in atheneaum now. It's very different from previous term where I spend almost 7 days a week, morning to night in atheneaum.

Now, I prefer cramming at home. My room is very messy, all kind of lecture notes, rough papers and textbooks are everywhere hahaha =D There's no point of tidying them up since at the end of the day it will be a mess again.

My body clock is getting more and more weird.

Finally I got the results for my previous term's subjects. Phew. I passed all!! And it's really beyond my expectation. I am so pleased =) Either they counted wrongly, took the wrong exam answers or it's just sheer fruit of my labour. All in all, I am delighted =)

But yeah, the battle is still far ahead. This semester is definitely much tougher. When I say the assignments are endless, it's literal. This week, three are due and one is on going. By the end of this week, another 4 are out.

Bleeehh.. I thought I could at least take a break during this long weekend.

bimbo

Somebody just called another body 'bimbo' in front of people who are actually not so close with that 'other body'.

Isn't it very rude?

I mean, if somebody called me bimbo in front of people, I'll be very annoyed and may just whack him upside down.

But he just asked around "Don't you think she is like a bimbo?"
In front of her. Even I, not the one he was referring to, was annoyed.

And the girl just hit him playfully.

I can't understand people.

Non Dimenticar

It means "Don't forget you are my darling"

Haha it just happens to be the song I am listening to from my MP3. It has nothing to do with what I am going to post though. And um, yeah I know my music taste is 'ancient'.

In the whole last three days (not on each of them), I had only stepped out of the house for less than half an hour. No, I am not in a confinement. At least not the one with 'childbirth'.

Some people say my life has been pathetic. Is it? Well, if you see in present's context, I guess so. But to console myself, I always 'try' to think what I would gain in the future, after my struggles, pains, sweat, blood and tears. Blood? Of course. MIT requested for so many jabs. And we have to pay ourselves. Bleh.

What did I do at home? Assignments. Non stop. Bleh. My laptop is the 'first thing in the morning'. Yeah even my toothbrush has to wait (not so long, don't worry).

I'll be a great and unprofessional liar if I say I gladly accept this situation. I started tracing back my previous plans. How if I went to UNSW instead? I might be sandboarding in Port Stephen now wuakakakkakaka =D. Or Cambridge? What if? Yeah, the cliché question. Human. Not easy to please. Though I know if I am not here, I'll be questioning myself "how is it going to be if I am in MIT?".

I must say grace for the privilege I have here. You get the knowledge first-hand. From the textbook author himself. From the person who developed the software himself. From the person that conjured the theory himself.

With it, comes the concommitant burden, stress and greatest of all is pressure. Please bear with my blabbering here. 3-days being confined in front of laptop and oceans of lecture notes and text books, I do need some 'human connection'. Here, to say the least.

Frankly speaking, it is not my busiest day. The work in queue might not be the max. NTU second year first semester -- it may ring a bell to some NTU-AMP-MPE 2003 students. Those who are with me, I believe you remember. That dreadful semester. Ouch. Our horrible encounter with M405 (yeah it was a final year subject -- supposedly). We still cringed hearing/reading 405 I believe, in any context. Well, at least I still. And the thermo exam (for mechatronics and design students only). The only time I saw tears in exam hall. Not singular. Not female. Banging of file folders. Kicking the lift door (not me).

My other terribly hectic period was in September 2004. I wasn't a student anymore by then, but my work and all activities I happened to be involved in were all at peaks. It was the most "obvious" ones. Believe it or not, I got more than 10 mouth ulcers on one surface at one go. Even the doctor was terribly shocked. I was at home only to sleep by then. Came back and left, both when nobody else was awake sometimes.

Another time, of course, final year - Santa Ursula high school. I still wonder UNTIL NOW how did I manage to pass those period. That's the time when you didn't count the hours you slept. A little tips: apply some mentholatum below your eyes (like when you do with eye gel). It will keep you awake in class. I did that everyday. Especially in Math class. You are not even allowed to lower your head. She'll say you're looking at your watch which implies that you can't wait the class to get over. You'll end up standing in front of the auditorium hall -- it's a punishment.

The pressure here is greater. Some have the relevant background. It's piece of cake for them. For the under-privilege like me (all are soooooooooooo new), the pressure is just enormous. Not only you have to finish HEAPS of assignments (and type all those matrices, equations.. type!! bleh. so time consuming), you still have to catch up. And be pressurized.

So another tips: if you are not familiar with linear algebra, PDE and you don't code in MATLAB like you write with your hand, think twice, thrice if you want to go to Computational Engineering.

OK OK time to sleep. I am damn tired now. It feels good to write. Just don't complain that it's all complain hahaha

Boxyyyy....

Just heard a heart-shattering news.

BOXY passed away. Car accident. Internal bleeding.

I'm so terribly sad. He is just 6 years old, for my goodness sake. Just one of the afternoon walk around Pearlbank.

He was supposed to be the ring-bearer for a wedding due next month. How can it happen now? Mercilessly?

I never had a pet before. I never liked one. It is not even mine. But I am so attached to this white bundle of joy now.

The photo was taken last year, in NSW Australia. During winter. In our warm pyjamas. Before he moved to Singapore early this year.

Can't imagine going over to Pearlbank and finding that the house is empty. Boxy used to lick my knee and gleefully welcome me even before I step inside the house. Even when there's nobody there, I could just play with Boxy.

My noodle is getting cold. I can't eat.

Abandon

It's the title of a psychotic movie that I like. But this entry has nothing to do with that.

I random-clicked my previous blog posts. And then I realized how much thing that I abandoned.

Scrap-booking. I have the (almost) complete tools and materials and even unfinished work and yet no time to even open the 'treasure box'.

Unfinished painting. A lot.

Unread books.

Unwatched DVDs.

I've stopped buying DVDs and books and magazines for months.

And on top of it all, unfinished assignments. They alone are more than enough to occupies my day.

Revive. Revive.

If you have read my blog since when it was first created (Feb 2005) you may notice the shift in blogging style.

Random things, my simple analysis about life, some reflection, even poems were among the popular topic you may find on this page previously.

Gone are the days. Now, it's only about diary (complain, mostly =P). Terse. Laconic. Versus the earlier mellifluous. Limited words. Almost no expression.

Does what I am doing have anything to do with that?

Perhaps. Last year, I was just 'fresh' from finishing my first on-stage musical script. Where I had to come out with the storyline, conversations as well as the song lyrics. Perhaps my literature review has done something on my linguistic nerve ;). I was also still active in my painting class. Thus, at least once a week I was forced to touch beauty, sentiments and arts. Will it affect?

Now. Reading, coding, thinking and writing report. The pragmatic side of me take greater role now (I think). There is no flowery words in engineering/science reports. Or codes =D.
I can't say if there are beauty, sentiments and arts in what I am doing now. Perhaps some people may accede to otherwise. Not for me hahaha =D.

Sigh. Indeed it's difficult to strike a balance. Isn't it? Or I just can't multitask?

Revive. Revive. I should. Can I?

The day is over..

Sunday is over =(.

Today I almost didn't study at all. I was enjoying the morning and afternoon so much. It was very relaxing and I almost forgot that I am a student =).

I thought I deserve a relax day after working so hard the whole week, morning to night. Had a lunch appointment with my two fabulous girl friends whom I haven't met for quite some time. We are actually class mates in our second year in high school. Went to NTU but separated into three different schools. Joined a committee together. Had similar personal conflicts at almost the same time. And we have become inseparable since.

Went to Cathedral and enjoyed the serene yet magnificent choir on top of other things. Saw some IMF members around, complete with the suit and name tag. Then meeting the girls, had sushi lunch for more than three hours hahahaha =D. Girl's talk. Heart to heart talk. Anything.

It was soooo relaxing and really put me in a relaxed mode. It was really hard to go back and study. And it rained cats and dogs when I got off the bus. I was drenched.

Had a one-hour nap which felt surreal. I've somehow felt very tired recently though I've tried maintaining sufficient sleeping hours. But everytime I wake up I felt like just having finished a strenuous physical exercise. Oh, I dreamt about attending the painting class again. Now you know why I mentioned "surreal".

Felt refreshed after napping. Did some reading, listening to 'Les Miserables' which never fails to amaze me, and now blogging.

Time to sleep. A long week awaits. I shall be ready.

Catch My Disease!!

Thanks to 'Ibu V' who introduced me to this song by Ben Lee. You feel like shakin' when you listen to this cheery piece. I think 'Ibu V' can sympathize my agony of being an SMA student haha that's why she gave me this song. Of course she can. She is an SMA-MST alumna. Check here if you want to see the video.

Anyway, it's quite heartwarming (and motivated me to write even more) to have people contacting when you (at last) go back on track updating your blog. But one commented, recently not only that my entries are getting less and less, it's all about misery. What to do, c'est la vie.

Anyway, this week is the first "official" Fall Term 2006. Which means full day in school. My classes end at 11 pm (yup, it's already dark out there) every Monday-Thursday. Three assignments are out this week (to my dismay). One of the subject is legendary (to be a killer) and I haven't got the courage to even read the question (and it is not an understatement).

It's quite fun to have a 'live beaming' classes with MIT. But can hardly wait until we are really in MIT next year. My friend saw his friend's face in the monitor when he (in MIT) asked question. My other friend told him "quickly ask question!! so the camera will zoom in to your face and he will also recognize you". We got slightly more (crappily) imaginative afterwards. Like, how if we are involved in a Long Distance Relationship and can see each other's face through the beaming? I've told you it's crappy.

Monday and Wednesday are the scariest (the legendary Partial Differential Equation and Optimization Method). Tuesday and Thursday are better (Intro to Numerical Method and Intro to Numerical Simulation). On the latter, the professors are much younger (read: more human). One of them is an Italian tenor and dancer (ehm).

Oh, and we have four different origins for four professors: Italian, Argentinian, Swedish and Spanish. It's quite fun as they have different accent. My favorite is the Argentinian. When he pronounces "Stellar" it's "Stel" (in tenor) and "Laarrrrr" (in heavy bass).

We are seated in an auditorium with an individual microphone for each student. When we switch it on the camera will automatically zoom mercilessly to your face. So yeah, a live telecast.

One time, an MIT student forgot to switch it off after she finished asking a question. Then we could still hear her whisper "I hate this notes!!". I wonder whether it reached the professor's ears. It's quite amusing to us. And no, we don't hate the notes. It's the most 'digestible' compared to others.

OK, that's all a quick update from me. I have to study again *hiks*.

Enjoy your weekend!!

Catch my disease!! (read: ayok belajar bareng!!!)

Balada Kaki Naas

Sebelum cerita-cerita tentang liburan yang baru lalu (kalo sempet ye), mendingan ta' critain dulu kejadian beberapa hari lalu sebelum lupa.

Jadi ceritanya, tertanggal 9 September 2006 (yak, bertepatan dengan ulang taun seorang sahabatku yang ke 27) entah kenapa kaki gua tuh siaaaaal banget. Mungkin Dewa Kaki (kalo ada) lagi sentimen sama gua kali. Boleh percaya boleh nggak, seluruh sisi kaki (terutama bagian telapak) kena kecelakaan pada hari naas nan buas tersebut.

Pagi-pagi (ya ga pagi-pagi amat seh, udah hampir jam 11 gitu loh) gua pulang dari Ikea sambil bawa-bawa lampu meja yang bentuknya kayak UFO nancep di antena. Pas nutup pager rumah, entah gimana prosedurnya (ta'elah) tau-tau aja jeglongan di belakang tumit kiri gua kebaret pintu pager. Bodoh banget kan (pager-nya apa gua-nya?). Sempet meringis-ringis gitu, terus abis naro lampu kita langsung cabut lagi ke bilangan Kota Cina sana (i.e. Chinatown) tepatnya gedung bundar emas bertajuk Pearlbank.

Abis makan sempet main-main sama si Boxy the Dog, pas lagi lari-lari kejar-kejaran (ta'elah kesannya rumahnya gede banget yak) di tangga, eh kaki gua sempet "nyangkut" di anak tangga yang membuat bagian bawah dan atas telapak kaki gua kebaret-baret dan kulitnya ngelupas-ngelupas secara tidak berperikekakian. Sakit banget jek. Gak cuma sakit karena luka, tapi impact yang dialami juga sempet bikin body gemeteran nahan sakit. Gimana skenario nya sampe kena depan belakang jangan ditanya deh. Pas mau meragain lagi pun udah ga tau tadi gimana kejadiannya.

Setelah merem melek beberapa menit, kondisi kembali normal dan kehidupan pun berlangsung seperti biasa.

Sorenya, gereja Cathedral of the Good Shepherd jadi tujuan kita. Entah apa salah kaki gua, pas lagi ngejar bus dia kecekluk aja gitu lho... BTW kecekluk tuh entah bahasa jawa apa bahasa nyokap, intinya ya keseleo/terkilir/terpelecok secara anonoh yang membuat bagian kanan telapak kaki sempet bercumbu (udah lama ga denger kata ini) dengan aspal. Jadi gak cuma keseleo (untungnya keseleonya ga parah) tapi juga sakit terbaret-baret. Untuuuung ga jatoh. Banyak orang, bo..

Abis gitu, gua jalan tunak-tunuk kayak ibu-ibu jualan jamu. Saking takutnya menghadapi bahaya-bahaya yang akan menghadang kaki gua. Abis gereja, kita janjian nge-date sama adik gua di Suntec (dinner lah). Ga ada deh yang namanya lari-lari nyebrang jalan... gak tau gimana malunya kalo sampe mesti ngusruk nyium aspal di tengah jalan gituh... Seinget gua, by then pun kaki gua udah banyak sakit dan nyut-nyutan gitu. Percaya apa nggak, tapi gua juga berasa kalo jempol kaki gua tuh terkilir tau gak..

Pas di resto tempat makan, hampiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrr gua jatuh ngusruk di WC karena gak liat ada downward step walo cuma sebiji. Ternyata Dewa Kaki masih menaruh sedikit belas kasihan juga. Tapi entah kenapa, pas pulang lewat escalator, bisa-bisanya betis kiri gua beradu sama sisi escalator yang sempet mengeluarkan erangan tertahan dari mulut yang aduhai ini.

Dan entah berapa kali kaki ini keinjek/ketendang secara gak sengaja selama jalan... Haiz, kesian amat sih kaki kakiku.

Saking takutnya "meng-aktifkan" kaki yang ga ada gantinya ini, akhirnya niat untuk bersepeda di East Coast Park pun terpaksa diurungkan saking gua takut ntar akan terjadi kepangan yang melibatkan kaki, jeruji roda dan kaki (emang mungkin?). Erm, alesan laen sih karena kita dateng jam 7 pagi di sana sementara tempat nyewain sepeda baru "nyambut gawe" jam 8 pagi. Dan, oh ya, kita ga punya sepeda. Akhirnya cuma jalan-jalan aje di pinggir pantai sambil narik-narik Boxy yang selalu nyari tiang untuk (maaf) dipipisin. Eh tau gak sih kalo anjing tuh (maaf) pipisnya dicicil? Kayaknya tujuan hidup mereka tuh untuk (maaf) mempipisi sebanyak mungkin tiang/pilar. Jadi ga sekali jor keluar gituh, tapi diirit-irit... Kalo udah (maaf) "turun bero" gimana yah? Huahiuheuiahuiehiahiuheiuhaiuah =D

Nah kalo kali ini, gua dengan sengaja menyiksa (kata menyakiti kurang mengena untuk konteks ini) kaki-kaki ini tanpa pandang bulu.

Yap, kita nyobain jalan-jalan di reflexology path yang sakit nya aujubilleh itu. Duh cobain deh, tingkat ketajaman si batu beda-beda. Kadang kita berhenti di tengah-tengah path dan teriak-teriak sendiri kayak orang gila. Dan karena ini pertama kali nya buat gua, gua pun dengan suksesnya ketinggalan jauh sambil sibuk mikir, orang-orang lain tuh kakinya kapalan semua yah sampe ga berasa nginjek batu-batu jahanam tersebut..

Yah, intinya... hari Minggu kemaren bener-bener merupakan hari bermalas-malasan sedunia untuk gua. Ujan deres dan angin gede, bikin males keluar-keluar. Rasa takut kalo kaki gua kenapa-kenapa lagi pun berhasil mengungkung gua di Pearlbank... BTW, FYI Pearlbank tuh letaknya di atas bukit (bukit skala Singapore) jadi kalo di tempat lain anginnya gede, di Pearlbank anginnya guede. Artinya, jadi tambah males keluar.

Jam 5an sore gua mulai gelisah. Haduh masa cuma di rumah nonton DVD, duduk-duduk males-malesan (gua suka sakit kepala kalo tidur2an di sofa menonton TV lebih dari 2 jam), makan cemilan demi cemilan, liat-liat majalah, godain si Boxy yang jauh lebih bermalas-malasan lagi dari gua. Ah, gelisah dan resah, hatiku pun gundah... Akhirnya pergilah kami ke tempat nongkrong paling indah, yakni (udah lama banget ga pake kata ini) Borders!!!!

Tapi yah, pas gua di WC-nya Borders, hampir banget gua terjengkang gara-gara kepeleset!! Ampun mak, apa salahku yah?

Well, today... kaki gua ada dua dan jarinya masing-masing lima.. Ada yang ilang ga tuh?

Long time..

Yeah, I've been missing for quite some time.

One of the longest two-weeks in my life, I guess. It felt so long that the era before seems like a history. Ha! What an exaggeration.

Anyway, the two-week period that I mentioned is the Summer Term holidaaaay!! It's a long story I can't cramp them in just one posting. It was very relaxing, very fattening and I believe I had not slept as much before.

To my dismay, the Fall term started on 6 September. They say this term difficulty is multifold of that of last term. I kid you not, but I felt like I was preparing for a battle and not for school when I woke up this morning.

Haiiiizz, long story. Perhaps in another entry.

Hungry....

Hmmpph, I am hungry... I didn't join my friends for dinner tonight as I set a target that (no matter what) I have to complete everything by 7 pm. Sometimes determination can lead you to self-deprivation, eh? I'll go to get some good meal afterwards.

I am lucky to get some good friends here. Overally, people in our program are quite close (only 11 of us). But with this group (of 5) I feel really close. Party of Five.

We do help each other. We do support each other. We amuse one another. And yeah, that makes my days much better.

Sometimes I wonder whether I can really "pass" this term or not... I am worried about it everyday and every night. So scared. You'll understand it if you know my assignment's result. And how careless I was in the last exam. Argh..

At last...

I just finished my report. That damn MPI report. That long and exhaustive assignments. The one that kept me fully awake even at the wee hour of the morning. The one that also drove me to be fully awake on the next day (with only one thing in mind: I have to finish it A.S.A.P!!).

I am so pleased. Not because I think I did well there (as if I care.. the time is spent in answering ALL the long questions, plotting ALL the graphs, running ALL the codes with ALL kind of parameters... you won't care about the quality).

Yayy. I can now pay back my sleep. Some of my friends haven't even finished the code. I wonder how they can sleep at night. This assignment is was trully a burden for me. It was soooooooooo exhaustive. Soooooooooooo long. Soooooooooooooo time consuming. Soooooooooooo tedious. And on top of it all, you may not use it again in looooong time. Well, it's good to know about MPI. But to know it heart and soul, bleeehh.... That would be my last option. The MIT professor told us few days ago "I don't think engineers and scientist would love to type MPI_Send and MPI_Recv manually". Yes, I do agree.

I still have my Linear Algebra to think about (exam next week!!), about which I am more worried actually. But I don't think I'll start today. My "engine" is still so hot I think I need to cool down.

And you know what, the very person that gave us that darn assignment is my (most) potential PhD supervisor. I wonder how would it turn out to be. But if you know me from my undergraduates, I DO need "real" pressure to do my projects well. And Francis did pressurize me (big one) last time. We ended up being close friends (after I graduate, of course). And ouw yah, Prof Damodaran is also a good friend of Francis. A sign?

pencil and paper

Oh, how I love pencil and paper.

You know, I've been sitting in front of computer for days. Like, all my spare time were spent doing my program and the painful debugging. At times, I continued working with my laptop at home also. The hours I slept? You don't want to know.

And yes, human has limit. Today I didn't feel like waking up at all. Had an exam nightmare, so I HAD to wake up.

Yesterday, in doing my last program I didn't start on computer at all. Normally, I would type the program pogresively and debug along the way until it finishes. Instead, I did EVERYTHING with pencil and paper and only typing it afterwards. With only 1 watt power left in my eyes.

Did it work? I didn't know. The network was down and my parallel program HAS to be run within the cluster. So I concluded the day.

And yeah. This morning it worked. How many debugging? ZERO. Now you know why I love pencil and paper.

Woo hoo. I've finished all six codes. Finished? Nah.. a lot of simulation and data collecting still to be done. Bleeeeeehhh....