This afternoon I had a conversation with a professor. He is an alumni from the program that currently I am going through, one of the success story.
Anyway, we talked about life in SMA. How to cope, what are the difficulties, what should we focus on etc etc etc?
He told me how hard he worked (he wakes up at 2 or 3 am in the morning to work). What was his attitude towards research.
Then I realized something is missing in me.
Compared to him, my attitude and hardwork in undergrad were half of his. Now, may be only a quarter?
Then I started thinking, indeed I am different from me in undergrad. I think I am better suited as a PhD candidate then and not now hehehe =D
What went wrong? What's missing? Have I got a paradigm shift?
One apparent comparison strucked me:
in undergrad, I spent day by day in library, savouring from textbooks to textbooks. Now, I've never been to school library since school starts!!!
I guess I am lacking of motivation now. Ardour, zest, fervour, whatever you call it, for studying.
I wish I could pick it up again. Oh, hope it's not too late.
Indeed some people who have known me for long said that now I am more able to enjoy life.
I think 3-years of working has made me lazier and lazier...
*ganbatte me!!!*
ps: or am I just getting older? ;)
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3 comments:
Rhe.. kayaknya emang kita udah ngalamin paradigm shift. Gue sih berasa begitu. Walopun gue belon pernah berstatus pekerja, tapi stlh lulus undergrad, sepertinya lingkungan sekitar kenceng banget ngasih influence bahwa "the world is not just revolving around study, study and study", "there's more to life than jobs", etc. etc.
Oh well, gue berasa seh influence2 ini udah berhasil bikin mindset gue utk ga kiasu lagi belajarnya dibandingin kita dulu pas undergrad. Pan kita itu dulu bagai katak dibawah daun kelor (gue lupa seh peribahasa benernya.. =P) yg emang tinggalnya di hostel, ketemunya sesama pelajar dan nyaris ga pernah keluar dari NTU kecuali ke gereja dan ke JP. hahaha... what a life!! Secluded from the outside world (i.e. outside NTU), yet less complicated than now. :D
hehe flo... itu gabungan antara "katak dalam tempurung" dan "dunia ga selebar daun kelor ya?" (emang ini peribahasa ya)
anyway, iya nih.. beda banget g sama pas undergrad dulu. skrg g lebih ga betah being confined and belajar nonstop..
kalo dipikir2, dulu kita SMA-kuliah dapet energy dari mana ya flo?
Eh iya, itu kayaknya ingetnya potongan2 dari 2 peribahasa itu. =P
Mmm... dapet energi dari mana ya? Entah juga ya.
Kalo dipikir2 mgk lebih karena situasi yg emang di-conditioned-kan utk memungkinkan kita fokus tuk belajar dan only belajar. In a sense, dulu hidup SMA-undergrad kita itu simpel banget, disekolahin ya udah.. belajar lah yg baik spy dapet nilai bagus dan naik kelas. That's all.
Energi kita juga ga kebuang percuma utk bolak balik rumah-univ, ngejar bis & mrt (oke lah dulu pas SMA juga rumah jauh dari Sanur tapi pan dianter-jemput, di mobil bisa bobo kalo cape, hehehe... semua serba terjamin gitu loh). Trus ga musti ngurusin pacar (not that i'm not grateful to have him), tapi kan yah.. hidup udah ga berkisar cuma di diri sendiri doang lagi.
Atao yaaa.... simply emang si otak emang kapasitasnya cuma sampe level S1. Pas dipaksa to think more than undergraduate level udah lebih susah, harus take more effort and energy and time ---> habis deh energinya. hehehe... =P
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