LOST

I guess I have lost MOST of my alertness, sharpness, and ability to CONCENTRATE.

I believe I spend more time than required to finish my assignments. Bugs in program, misread the question, and all the darn careless mistakes.

In today's lab for example, people around me were busy discussing and consulting with the TA and lecturer. I simply couldn't concentrate and true enough, I left some careless mistakes. Purely carelessness. Lucky did I check and recheck and recheck and indeed I found some bugs though my programs seem to work fine (even the lecturer said so!!). Well, slight discrepancy in results. Lots of bugs, though. But I want it PERFECT.

And last Saturday I spent the whole morning trying to find the silly DEBUGGING MISTAKES. Debugging mistake, huh? How stupid was that.

So. You see. I have so often spent few hard-labor hours for nothing *ggrrrbblll*.

Is it the "age"?
Or is it because my brain has been very much less trained in the past three years where I wasn't in school?
Or is it purely warming-up "procedure" for the whole race ahead? I hope.

Anyway, the TA for the Parallel Computing has extended the date of submission to Friday. It's reasonable I tell you, it's the hydra cluster that was down for SO MANY TIMES. It's not our fault that our submitted jobs can't be executed right away. My friends cheered and jeered to that. Meh, I will just submit it tomorrow. I want to see my report (printed out now.. that's why I am still blogging though I really wish I can go to sleep already) sitting nicely, demurely and obediently on his desk tomorrow morning. And then be done with that.

And then MATLAB, which I SHOULD have finished more of it today. Darn carelessness.

Today I read our next parallel computing assignment. NO WONDER I dreamt about matrix multiplication few days in a row (no kidding). Please. Just don't utter "matrix" whenever you see me.

And yeah, I believe Prof Ong would give us the Linear Algebra homework tomorrow.

Having said all these... do I miss working? Nope. Not at all. Not even a bit.
Hmm... may be a bit. Where I could still have time to take my painting classes...

Quick

Quick. It reminds me of one of the role in a beautiful Australian book, Cloudstreet by Tim Winton.

Anyway, the word was meant to fill in well to the context of "a quick update".

Sunday night. Uggh... Counting the hours to be back at school. Do you also feel that you always haven't done enough during the weekend?

That you should have settled with...
... more sleeps?
... more rest?
... more relaxation?
... more study?
... more work?
... more and more of something?

I used to say that we spend 5/7 of our week is spent for a LIVING whereas only the other 2/7 is to LIVE. OK, I may be too sarcastic. But there are many aspects of life that we're lacking of before the two glorious S-days which we call weekends.

Firstly, just let my conscious mind says out loud: Why on earth that the unconscious mind always dreams about matrix multiplication? Ugh. As if I haven't got enough.

And now the cluster jammed. Which means I can't really run all my programs today. It doesn't mean I have less things to do today nonetheless.

The saturday night-sunday afternoon was pretty good to me though. Had my dinner at the Chinatown Food Street or something like that. And oh, I saw this gigantic Ice Kachang (I did take a picture with my phone but haven't uploaded it to my laptop) that's claimed to be the record-breaking Ice Kachang in the world. It's definitely more than 2 metres height, though I don't know the exact figure.

The food was OK, but it's MUCH oilier than what I can take. The oysters, sans d'huile, were heaven though. But it was soooo oily I couldn't finish.

I slept longer than usual. If not because that matrix multiplication dream, it would be a bliss.

Ate dimsum at Yum Cha, Chinatown, this morning.

I always cherish dimsum breakfast, it also reminds me of the family breakfast we used to had and how my parents insisted that we had to use chopstick and nothing else when we were toddlers. Chicken Feet. That's the best. Haha I know most of you wouldn't dare to imagine eating them. Like what happened when I brought my American friend to Yum Cha... She was freaked out.

Went to SUNTEC. The Health Promotion Board Exhibition. The Body Fat Calculator told me I'm too thin. 3% less than normal. Thin? In Singapore? You must be kidding me. Then what do you call other girls who are really skinny? Walking skeleton?

OK, that's weekend in a nutshell from me. Sigh. I hope I could finish this report soon...

Damn the Dream!!

Two days ago, some CE students had troubled sleep with hectic, tiring and disturbing dreams. Are we too tired or what?

Anyway, it's just quite fun to exchange our dream stories.

In Rebecca's dream, she was dancing ALL NIGHT. Throughout her sleeping night. She woke up feeling damn tired. Can imagine, Reb.. my empathy.

Song dreamt that Singapore is damaged by a heavy pouring rain. DAMAGED. And it's just his first week in Singapore. He even thought (in the dream) about where to escape if he can't stay in Singapore. A well-prepared guy, stay lucid in dream.

Mine, however, seems to be the messier among the three. It was so messy until I couldn't really distinguish dream from reality. The day before, (this is the reality btw) a friend (just call her Qian) and I walked together to the University Health and Wellness Center to check out my blood test result. In the dream, I had exactly the same setting and Qian told me about having submitted her MIT Online Medical Waive Form. When I took shower in the next morning, I was literally racking my brain on whether she has REALLY submitted it or not (she told me on Friday that she has not -- I did check).

It didn't stop there. It was actually just a trivia in the whole dream. Oh, by the way, on Thursday night we were invited for a casual dinner with some MIT's faculty members. In the dream, I remember debating with a post-doc fellow who insisted me to write a program for a vector-vector multiplication. Excuse me? Unless it's a single-element vector how can you do that? So I wasted my precious slumber time debating. I woke up at 5.15, however, but slept again afterwards.. continuing the debate!! Until I got so tired and that fellow still insisted that I should do that. I woke up and see my watch. I missed the alarm. 7.35 am. Dammit.

Last night, I had a rather casual dream. Chit chat. Jovial mood. Some celebration. Until one point where I started dreaming about the fox algorithm that I am doing. I quickly woke up and yeah, just in time.

And I just finished it!! My fox algorithm!! It worked!!
Uummm.. after some reckless mishaps, some MPI-deadlocks, mysterious blunders, sighings, pessimistic feeling, chocolates and coffees.

Phew. Now I can focus on my MATLAB and Linear Algebra, exactly where I am weaker at.

Chocolate at Midnight

Munching chocolates can really make things happen, even at midnight. Forget about gaining weight. Especially this particular chocolate that my friend brought from Switzerland. How can I say no to living in Europe in that case? Not that I have got any offer though, too bad.

Current Music: Il Divo.
Celestial indulgence: authentic European chocolates

Results: Three programs started and done!! Yayy!!

Good night, sweet dreams.

P A N I C

They utter Linear Algebra jargons like it is the language they use with their best friends.

They use MATLAB just like it is a pencil in their hands.

They start talking about our next term's subject: Numerical Simulation, Numerical Method, Numerical This and Numerical That.

The lecturer told me that to catch up with those from similar stream, what he did was sleeping only 3-4 hours a day when he was an SMA student.

How can I not go to a P A N I C state?

Like a Camel

Do you know that I drink a lot?

I am not an athlete nor a sports woman, but I drink way beyond 2 litres per day. How salubrious.

One example, this morning I reached atheneum at around 7.40 am. Now is 9.40 am exactly. In this good two hour period, I have finished 800 ml water... only in office. So if I should include one glass I drank in the morning plus a cup of coffee, it would be more. Can be 1 litre, half of daily requirement. In TWO HOURS.

It's not a wonder that water boiler was among the first thing I brought co my cubicle here. I boil my own drinking water, rather than taking three turns and long walk between each turn to the water cooler.

I drink only (mostly) plain water and coffee. I don't like tea (it always upsets my gastric somehow), hot chocolate, milk (my enemy), soda, sweetened drink, fruit juices (still OK compared to others though).

With the amount of water I drink every day and coffee being diuretic, please don't ask if you see me visiting the rest room too often.

PS: I joined the "beser club" in highschool... hahaha only sanurians 99 would know its existence.

Christmas in July

You don't need to pay a pricey ticket to Australia to have a Christmas in July.

I could, in Singapore.

Here's the story. You know, for these past few days I had been in (almost unconsolable) distress. Ok ok it's an exaggerating. Anyway, I am notorious as a very uptight person. And I get bored too easily. Saturated. Mind-blocked. In short, I always need to "strategize" my day-to-day life in order to cope with, well, life. Juggle between school works, leisure, rest and some others carefully, so I would have enough of everything.

Coming back to school does need some adjustment. Sometimes I do too much, sometimes it's too little. This past week, I rather forgot to include my leisure time. And I was worn down. Wrecked.

So off I went to C I T Y today. I had a very nice lunch with my younger sister in NYDC, Wheelock Place.

I ordered my all-time favorite (actually I didn't give any option for her to choose, I dictated her to agree with my NYDC choice.. because of this menu): FARMBOY SALAD.

Doesn't it sound good? It comes as a BUCKET of greens, chunks of chicken breast, almond flakes, garlic croutons and I believe there still are something else. It's simply awesome.

It was sooooo good (as always) that I ignored the vinaigratte dressing. I like my salad plain. I could feel it's seeping through my body, bringing wholesome goodness, pure freshness, and energizing healthiness.

After eating school canteen food for weeks, I craved for an enormous fresh bowl of salad. I felt detoxified. Ha!

Oh yeah, I still took some small bites of my sister's bratwurst sandwich (it was good) and some french fries. I know it's bad for your health but I just can't resist it. And, we did share the dessert.

Being as talkative as ever, she has made me laugh, surprised me with her stories etc in only few minutes after we're seated. Indeed, laughter is the best medicine. My mood was already few levels up afterwards. She told me how she copes with school stress (it was rather hillarious), how she's willing to spend more money to buy back "humanly level of insanity". She urged me to go and watch some crappy movies. Or some very funny movies that can make your tummy burst laughing. Or entertaining Korean dramas. And then we talked about My Sassy Girl, which I really like. I like the characters (yeah, I like that kind of girl; not that 'like', mind you).

Anyway, we proceeded to Borders afterwards to find some funny DVDs or VCDs. There was none that appealed to me, so I walked out empty-handed. We also went to Takashimaya Food Festival. There is this queue for a Japanese Ice Cream (they claim to be the original best or something like that) which was snakingly long. I wanted to try the Seaweed Wasabi flavour actually, but I've never enjoyed being in such a crowd so I just walked pass.

We parted before I went to Cathedral, at which I met a friend from my painting class. We ended up sitting together and had some chats (before and after the mass). Would you believe me if I tell you last night I actually dreamt about meeting some of them? I really did. Haha and today we challenged each other to paint the 14 Stations of the Cross. None was up to it though, too bad.

Upon reaching home, I showered, and was ready to continue my assignments and report. Hmm, the mood was still not there yet. So I flipped through my CD collection and my choice went to the Mormon Tabernacle Choirs' "Joy to the World" (Christmas collection, obviously). The mood was instantaneously better. At least I could keep on typing without feeling grumpy and my laptop was safe from slamming and other harrasment.

So that's how I had my "Christmas in July". It's not the first time actually, indeed I must admit of having "wrong-season syndrome" too often.

Stress bet. Banyak bet. Gila bet.

Hahahaha I quite like this new word (for me). The 'bet'. It doesn't rhyme with 'pet' but rather with 'limpet'.

They claim it to be Sundanese and means "banget" or "very". But the one who introduced it to me is a Javanese. So I kinda like the 'bet' with thick Suroboyo-nese accent rather than the original Sundanese.

Sometimes I wonder, am I too slow or are they too fast or are we doing different things? Until now, we've never compared our assignments or report though we do have discussion sometimes along the process. However, I feel like spending so much time in analysis and reporting while I saw my friend just did a quick one in few hours time. Huh? So what does the prof ask actually?

I know it's good to just stick to whatever you think is right. But if what you sacrifice is your time, you may think twice. Like what I do now. Rushing for my other assignment after spending so much time for the first. I believe I had a short circuit today. The words and numbers were meaningless to me after some time. I was sooooooooooooooo freaked out. And frustrated. Which made things worse, I have to admit. I'm so afraid once the workload is more than what we have now. Can I cope?

Worried. Confused. Unsure. Tired.

Mumet bet.

Random Thoughts of the Moment

Just few random things to say.

--- I would never prefer a small mouse (you know, not that Tom & Jerry kind of mouse but the optical mouse). My palm just can't rest comfortably on it, like you have to always consciously put this finger on the left-click button and that finger on the right. It's not like with bigger mouse, when all the positioning is 'just nice'. Or is my palm too big? I don't think so.

--- Intravenal jabs will only leave you with few droplets of red afterwards. Nonetheless, intramuscular one can give you an irritating sore. Discomfort, to put it more correctly. Luckily I had it on my left arm.

--- I feel like having a dose of shopping spree. Nothing in particular to buy, actually. Just, you know, see people, hear voices and eat something better than canteen food.

--- Hey, my life still goes on even though I didn't have my cup of morning coffee today.

Some Sort of Satisfaction

I am trying to omit any identity or event hint of the whereabouts and whatabouts of the people that I'll be referring to here.

Anyway, imagine you have a friend. This friend of yours can be damn annoying at times. As you go along, you build up "certain impression" on him/her. Only for politeness sake that you restrain yourself from saying what you actually think about that person.

And you have another friend. This particular friend just voiced out your "impolite" thought about the first party, directly to that first party. And it doesn't only happen once. Sometimes you participate in it.

Man, I grinned inside. I was oozing with pure satisfaction. Hmmpph... An utter proclamation of honesty.

Gourmet Something

*inhale....*
*exhale...*
*inhale...*
*exhale...*

Bleh. I am so bored of looking at the PC's monitor (and what am I thinking I am doing here in front of that thingy?).

Typing program. UNIX. Visual basic. Writing report. Microsoft Windows. Microsoft Excel. Whatever.

I always TYPE until I get bored of it. I wish I can hire a secretary and I just read out the program I want to write and it's there in the window. Ha!! I wish.

I miss sitting down in a cafe. Reading a book (one of my Jill Mansel's is still unread). Feeling the gentle breeze.

I miss GOURMET SOMETHING.
Gourmet sandwich.
Gourmet coffee.
Gourmet steak.
Gourmet salad.
Gourmet dessert.

Simply a woman's best friend. Diamond? Nah. It's a woman's other half. Ha!!

Oh, and I always miss this one: International Breakfast Buffet. Somehow. Botanic garden can be an option. But it's pricey. Uughh.

Another one. Cycling along East Coast. Teasing Boxy (the dog). Concluded with a nice hearty breakfast. Hmmpphhh heaven.

PS: Programming is enjoyable until you get enough of typing.

Ngantuk Berat

Hmmpphh do you know what time I woke up this morning after watching the match? 7.30.

No wonder I am sleepy now and had a bit of headache. The day went on pretty fine for me actually. Luckily I was able to concentrate in the lecture and also lab session. In a small group of students it would be just funny if I fell asleep in the middle of the class. I only got a bit sleepy after dinner. *grrbbllll*

I am still in the atheneum now... so tired, so sleepy. But still have to do some assignments. Won't finish by today for sure... hmmppphhh ngantuk bangets, kepala rasanya berat.

By the way do you know that Catholic JC's principal, Brother Paul, the very strict and discipline one, made an announcement last Friday to all his students that today (Monday) they don't need to come at the usual time? So instead of 7.30, the class today is started at 9 am. It's to allow students and teachers who would watch the WC2006 final.

So greaaaaaatt... I know about it from my syster, who happened to be his student both in school and hostel (CJC's).

Oh I guess I'll just go back earlier today.

My Broken Heart is Healed... At Last

It's been six years. Six long years I've been waiting for this.
And it comes this year, this day and this very minute... at last.

The "unmended" happened, clearly, long before my blogging era. So perhaps it's beknown to none of you. Except some.

I cringed, seeing Toldo (Francesco) with his nose bleeding, still tried to save the goals from France's attack. High and low. Rise and fall. I felt dissapointed when the 2000's Euro Cup went to France.

Since then, I've been waiting for Italy to get even.

Needless to say, my long wait has been paid off. My broken heart is healed. Haha!! Man, I don't feel like sleeping anymore.

I guess it's time for italian food.... (lho apa hubungannya?) Anyone?


FELICITAZIONE!!!

PS: Sorry to French's supporters!! =D What "ignited" Zidane by the way? His attitude was kind of disappointing...

Homework, drunk and civilization

Tomorrow I'll be back to civilization... at last.

You know what, this evening I met, shook hand with, conversed with the President of MIT but I didn't bring a camera with me. I can't be categorized as a person who likes photo-taking too much, but I guess it's such a rare opportunity that doesn't really come now and again. I've completely forgotten it.

Blame it on the 13-14 hrs stay in school. Indeed the atheneum (the "office" for SMA students) is our second home now.

So, today was the reception at Four Seasons Hotel. Nothing much, the much-expected "treat" turned out to be only finger foods, not dinner, which idea has been conjectured in our mind. And I concluded my half-dinner with red wine. It's proven disastrous. I can drink, I won't get drunk easily, no redness, no rashes, no any kind of indication whatsoever only IF I drink on a full stomach.

This is my second time. The first time was during my hectic day preparing for the musical+++ (plus some other things). Ah, forget it. I am happy enough to survive through that period.

This evening, I felt like riding a Catherine Wheel. Standing in MRT didn't help. I am clutching to the handle like hanging on the dear life. The blow from aircon just made it worse. But don't worry, nothing embarassing happened. I was just more quiet, that's all.

No more alcohol on a semi-empty stomach. Full stop.

You know what, for this first week we are the only groups that have already had three lab sessions which means three separate assignments. We're green with envy as other programs can still have find time to enjoy themselves and MST can still even organize an outing to East Coast tomorrow *grrbbblll*. As for CPE (Chemical and Pharmaceutical Engineering) students, the only module they have for this term is "Independent Study" (if there's such term). Yup, correct, just paper and publication review with no exams at all for these two months *aaarrgghh*.

Anyway, tomorrow I would have another agenda. Go to a friend's place to celebrate her daughter's first birthday in the afternoon, meeting my (younger) sister somewhere in town... BACK TO CIVILIZATION!!! Yeahh.... For one day. At least.