I might sound a bit sarcastic or cynical in my recent postings. Actually, not really. My entries may look like some sort of complaints or the likes. But in fact, it is just a hunch, just a thought that crossed my mind. I might be too enthusiastic in penning them down, hence it may sound the unintended cynical =D.
Not that anybody has commented on this, basically. I just think that any of you may think that way.
As I've mentioned, I am happy, quite contented and definitely GRATEFUL for whatever my life has been granted with. But, well.. it is just a hunch, a question that keeps fogging my mind: Can I make my life more worthwhile? Can I make a better and fuller use of my time and talents? Can I reach a balance between my enjoyment and my obligations and better still... a combination of that? Is it the kind of life that I really want?
The bottom line is, I am still searching in this journey of my own life. I know that this journey has no end, but I just want to ensure that I am on the correct path to do better, better and better.
Warmest regards,
A girl who is just about to enter her quarter-life crisis...
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Weekend Misconception
You know what, I’ve never regretted buying a laptop in May 2004 although the computer that I was using was fully functioning. With its lightweight attribute, it has become so handy to carry this thing around. It was my savior during the musical preparation time, what with I became so mobile and yet still needed to finish up few things. Without this laptop, I would need to wait until I reach home before I can employ the ever loyal Microsoft Word. Writing few articles for the Mudika KKIS’ e-bulletin was more enjoyable to be done in a café; with coffee (of course, need you ask?), few snacks, and new environment to let the inspiration free-flowing.
And now here I am, inside a rented Malaysian car, to (again) have a cross-the-country-border journey from Singapore to the neighboring Johor Bahru, Malaysia for the sake of the running of our project. Smuggling a personal laptop I am (and now I am announcing it to the entire cyber-world? What am I thinking? Smuggling and announcing do not really go together I suppose) to kill my usual boredom during the 1 hour (2.5 hours on Friday evening) trip. Though I have to bear with a disturbed screen-view (but I cannot blame the too-bright sun rays at this time of day, right?) but it is better than seeing greeneries, cars, greeneries, immigration counter, and more cars. And what with a vast selections over more-than-a-thousand songs in my MP3 list, it makes the trip more worth-going.
Recently I have a tiny thought of weekend misconception. If any of you reads a bible, it is written there that on the seventh day God takes a rest after his six days of work and has done enough. PS: It does not imply that I dutifully read the bible, but – well- I do know some of the contents (and that’s what’s more important I guess – correct me if I am wrong). Do you all notice (or is it only me?) that as time goes, there is a drift in that concept. Oh, well, some people are just not lucky enough to ought to work during weekend (including Sundays). I would like to narrow down the scope to those who work 5 days (or 5.5 days) a week and having their Sundays off.
Sundays, as can be a short form of sunny days, are destined to be bright and beautiful. Many people take it as a family day, a resting day. May be that’s why the churches choose Sundays to have their weekly masses, so that the congregation can attend in calm and fresh mind. Do you remember a song that was taught during our younger days? “This is that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it”. Yes, that song also refers to Sundays.
But nowadays, people tend to have the conception that Sundays are the time to have fun (often it includes clubbing, gossiping, luckily not for me), and to catch what you’ve been missed during weekdays. With all the five working days being packed from work to work, people are longing for some fun, some social life, some sports, some activities, may be some courses or community services and I guess you all agree that they can only squeeze them all in the 2 days weekend. At the same time we can’t forget our Godly responsibility to attend Sunday mass/services. AND, as we are still normal human being, our body needs rest, our mind and soul need rejuvenating and refreshing. Don’t forget our loved ones too. To do our work, we spend 5 days a week. But to do ALL the aforementioned things, we are only left with 2 days.
More often than not (as I have also experienced it an ample of time), the last item was neglected. I think 90% of my Sunday night I spend thinking “Oh my God, I haven’t had enough rest, I am still exhausted and yet the next Monday is already here, waving its hand and smiling broadly to welcome me to indulge in work-and-work routine.” What’s wrong actually? Do I need to let go something? Am I trapped in an unhealthy working routine which leaves me with a little time to do all those refreshing stuffs? Or do I pamper myself too much by demanding for more rest? Do I just have to continue on living like this and change the weekend mindset and decide that resting is too much a luxury for this fast-pacing world?
Hmm, what do I do during weekend? Swimming, going for a Novena Devotion (sometimes, when I have the time), going out with my dearest (only in the afternoon), attend the Saturday Sunset mass, having dinner, writing on my blogs, replying e-mails, doing some paintings (be it homework or not). And on Sundays, breakfast at TCC, painting class, lunch, going out for a while, go back to do the homework, finding some important stuffs through the net, taking care of the laundry, ironing, cleaning up. Catching up with some old friends is sometimes inserted in the agenda. With this, I hardly spend the time doing nothing at home. I only take a nap when I am sick and get a Medical Certificate (means a day-off from work, yey!). I still have 6 hours (7 at most) sleep at night. Should be enough, but sometimes I wish I can have more, at least during weekend. Oh well, reaching the manufacturing plant soon… Will continue later.
FYI, I am now already at home. I always have a pang of guilt whenever I am lazing around, because it seems to me that actually I still have an endless list of things to do. Be it reading something important and useful, searching for some information through the net (for work or others), practicing my painting, polishing my English… In short, there is really no end for learning process. And it is sometimes frustrating to think whether we have done enough or not. Are we wasting our time? Are we wasting our resources? Talents? How enough is enough? There seems to always be something after something.
One of my biggest mistakes is that I always tend to compare my glorious school days to the tiring, endless working days. I know I am not supposed to do that, as it will only torture my conscience, but I just can’t help it. In those days, I KNEW that I just needed to pull through until the exams finish, and after that the golden semester break was just around the corner where I could forget all about the strenuous subjects and projects. Whereas now, I just have no idea when it would all be over. Even when I take my leave from office, the thoughts would still haunt me. Oh-so-scary.
Well, it is just me blabbering around and complaining about things. It is not that I don’t appreciate the life that I am leading now. I am still very grateful with whatever I have and have achieved, as there are soooooo many people who are just not as lucky as I am. Am I too selfish to wish for all these?
Anyway, I am fully aware that a person has to make a choice. A person definitely can’t get anything that she/he wants. I KNOW that I must make a choice: should I change my mindset (i.e. stop demanding for more rest and start accepting the life as it is) or should I restructuring my life (i.e. change the priority and time-distribution and management completely)? Even to think about this I have been procrastinating for months….
And now here I am, inside a rented Malaysian car, to (again) have a cross-the-country-border journey from Singapore to the neighboring Johor Bahru, Malaysia for the sake of the running of our project. Smuggling a personal laptop I am (and now I am announcing it to the entire cyber-world? What am I thinking? Smuggling and announcing do not really go together I suppose) to kill my usual boredom during the 1 hour (2.5 hours on Friday evening) trip. Though I have to bear with a disturbed screen-view (but I cannot blame the too-bright sun rays at this time of day, right?) but it is better than seeing greeneries, cars, greeneries, immigration counter, and more cars. And what with a vast selections over more-than-a-thousand songs in my MP3 list, it makes the trip more worth-going.
Recently I have a tiny thought of weekend misconception. If any of you reads a bible, it is written there that on the seventh day God takes a rest after his six days of work and has done enough. PS: It does not imply that I dutifully read the bible, but – well- I do know some of the contents (and that’s what’s more important I guess – correct me if I am wrong). Do you all notice (or is it only me?) that as time goes, there is a drift in that concept. Oh, well, some people are just not lucky enough to ought to work during weekend (including Sundays). I would like to narrow down the scope to those who work 5 days (or 5.5 days) a week and having their Sundays off.
Sundays, as can be a short form of sunny days, are destined to be bright and beautiful. Many people take it as a family day, a resting day. May be that’s why the churches choose Sundays to have their weekly masses, so that the congregation can attend in calm and fresh mind. Do you remember a song that was taught during our younger days? “This is that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it”. Yes, that song also refers to Sundays.
But nowadays, people tend to have the conception that Sundays are the time to have fun (often it includes clubbing, gossiping, luckily not for me), and to catch what you’ve been missed during weekdays. With all the five working days being packed from work to work, people are longing for some fun, some social life, some sports, some activities, may be some courses or community services and I guess you all agree that they can only squeeze them all in the 2 days weekend. At the same time we can’t forget our Godly responsibility to attend Sunday mass/services. AND, as we are still normal human being, our body needs rest, our mind and soul need rejuvenating and refreshing. Don’t forget our loved ones too. To do our work, we spend 5 days a week. But to do ALL the aforementioned things, we are only left with 2 days.
More often than not (as I have also experienced it an ample of time), the last item was neglected. I think 90% of my Sunday night I spend thinking “Oh my God, I haven’t had enough rest, I am still exhausted and yet the next Monday is already here, waving its hand and smiling broadly to welcome me to indulge in work-and-work routine.” What’s wrong actually? Do I need to let go something? Am I trapped in an unhealthy working routine which leaves me with a little time to do all those refreshing stuffs? Or do I pamper myself too much by demanding for more rest? Do I just have to continue on living like this and change the weekend mindset and decide that resting is too much a luxury for this fast-pacing world?
Hmm, what do I do during weekend? Swimming, going for a Novena Devotion (sometimes, when I have the time), going out with my dearest (only in the afternoon), attend the Saturday Sunset mass, having dinner, writing on my blogs, replying e-mails, doing some paintings (be it homework or not). And on Sundays, breakfast at TCC, painting class, lunch, going out for a while, go back to do the homework, finding some important stuffs through the net, taking care of the laundry, ironing, cleaning up. Catching up with some old friends is sometimes inserted in the agenda. With this, I hardly spend the time doing nothing at home. I only take a nap when I am sick and get a Medical Certificate (means a day-off from work, yey!). I still have 6 hours (7 at most) sleep at night. Should be enough, but sometimes I wish I can have more, at least during weekend. Oh well, reaching the manufacturing plant soon… Will continue later.
FYI, I am now already at home. I always have a pang of guilt whenever I am lazing around, because it seems to me that actually I still have an endless list of things to do. Be it reading something important and useful, searching for some information through the net (for work or others), practicing my painting, polishing my English… In short, there is really no end for learning process. And it is sometimes frustrating to think whether we have done enough or not. Are we wasting our time? Are we wasting our resources? Talents? How enough is enough? There seems to always be something after something.
One of my biggest mistakes is that I always tend to compare my glorious school days to the tiring, endless working days. I know I am not supposed to do that, as it will only torture my conscience, but I just can’t help it. In those days, I KNEW that I just needed to pull through until the exams finish, and after that the golden semester break was just around the corner where I could forget all about the strenuous subjects and projects. Whereas now, I just have no idea when it would all be over. Even when I take my leave from office, the thoughts would still haunt me. Oh-so-scary.
Well, it is just me blabbering around and complaining about things. It is not that I don’t appreciate the life that I am leading now. I am still very grateful with whatever I have and have achieved, as there are soooooo many people who are just not as lucky as I am. Am I too selfish to wish for all these?
Anyway, I am fully aware that a person has to make a choice. A person definitely can’t get anything that she/he wants. I KNOW that I must make a choice: should I change my mindset (i.e. stop demanding for more rest and start accepting the life as it is) or should I restructuring my life (i.e. change the priority and time-distribution and management completely)? Even to think about this I have been procrastinating for months….
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Air dan Api
“Eh lho kok ujan yah?” Kalimat yang terlontar dari mulut temen gue L bikin gue kaget dan panik pisan. Mungkin kalian pikir, “Buseeeeett… badan segede gitu masa takut sama ujan? Gerimis doank pula.” Masalahe, gue tuh lagi berusaha dengan sepenuh tenaga, daya dan upaya untuk menghidupkan api di BBQ Pit #14 di East Coast sana. Bayangin donk, kita lagi ngipas-ngipas dan maen api dengan penuh harap, terus masa seh hasil karya budi pekerti kita yang mulia (gimana ga mulia, kalo kita ga nyalain api berapa perut tuh yang akan unjuk rasa?) ini tiba-tiba sia-sia belaka? Bete donk, ya gak.
Hari itu, adek gue yang paling kecil ngerayain sweet seventeen birthday party with her friends (yang ngerayain ga dia doank sih) dengan acara bakar-bakaran (yang sah tapinya) di belahan timur Singapura. Pertama kali gue denger rencana ini, yang pertama terlintas adalah… “Yak ampun, adek gue udah nambah umur sampe 17 rupanya.” Biasalah, kita pasti nganggep orang yang lebih muda dari kita tuh kecil banget, dan kita kalo inget-inget pas 17 taon rasanya dulu kita udah gede banget. Kalo dulu jaman SMU, di antara temen-temen gue banyak yang menganggap hari ulang tahun ke 17 itu adalah The Pearly Gates to enter the dating series. Tapi bukan buat gue sih, males banget dulu mah pacar-pacaran. Untuk kasus kita (cieh, kesannya serius banget pake ada kasus segala) gue ninggalin Jakarta untuk mengadu nasib (kalo di film-film jaman dulu tuh digambarin dengan bawa-bawa tongkat berujung buntelan, tapi gue sih kagak, bawanya berkoper-koper) adik gue masi SD. Masi imut, putih, lucu, masi suka nangis kalo kebanyakan PR, pokoknya masi anak-anak banget deh. Eh tau-tau udah sweet seventeen. Time flies, dan artinya gue juga nambah tuh sampe kadang-kadang udah mulai dipanggil tante (yah walau kesannya tua tapi masi untung ga dipanggil oom).
Yah anyway, mau pantes mau kagak yang jelas adek gue ulang taon bulan lalu dan dirayain kemaren. Jadilah gue jadi “kakak” selama BBQ itu. BTW yang uda tuwir bukan gue doank sih, ada 4 orang lagi. Jadi total 5 matured, calm, dignified and good-natured adults and around 24 screaming, highly-enthusiastic, energetic small ch… oops, teenagers. Kebetulan hampir semua temen-temennya itu anak Indo yang tinggal di CJC hostel.
Yah, seperti biasa, BBQ itu dimulai dengan… ngejer-ngejer ayam buat di-marinade dan dibakar. Ih ya nggak lah, kesian deh lu kalo percaya. Namanya juga bakar-bakaran, perlu apa donk? Yak, tepat sekali. Perlu api. Gue tuh sebenernya paling males kalo ngurusin api pas BBQ. Karena menurut pengalaman-pengalaman gue, paling nyiksa tuh nyalain api. Pernah sampe sejem. Apalagi kalo alam lagi ga bersahabat alias arah angin yang acakadut kayak ngerjain kita dan bikin apinya mati mulu tiap mau disulut.
Drama babak pertama dibuka dengan kenyataan bahwa mereka ga punya korek api/lighter. Masya allah, pusing donk gue. Akhirnya kita pun minjem korek api dari pit sebelah (yang akhirnya lupa dibalikin dan udah terlanjur basah kuyub juga - oops). Setelah ga sukses-sukses juga, kita pinjem lighter dari pit sebelahnya juga (oops lagi and now you know why).
Segala daya upaya dikerahkan untuk menjinakkan angin yang buandel tenan. Panas-panas gitu anginnya kenceng banget dan ganti-ganti arah pula. Kan capek gue yang mayungin sampe tolol muter-muter. Judul babak pertama itu bener-bener Ora Et Labora deh, berdoa dan bekerja. “Nyala donk… nyala donk… nyala donk..” gitu deh kira-kira mantra kita (apa gue doank ya?). Dan gue udah mikir juga, setelah sekian lama apinya masih mundung, apa gue perlu pake senjata rahasia gue. Dulu, tiap BBQ, kalo apinya ga nyala-nyala biasa gue ny…. Oops, ga rahasia lagi donk kalo gue kasi tau.
Yah anyway, lagi berdiri dengan penuh dedikasi ublek-ublek charcoal, tiba-tiba terdengar suara merdu L di belakang gue “Eh lho kok ujan yah?”. Reaksi gue? “Cepetan gih suruh orang lempar – maaf - kolor biar ga ujan.” Alkisah itu adalah salah satu cara yang biasa ditempuh oleh para pawang ujan. Setelah merasa tak puas akan tanggapan yang diberikan – cuma cengar-cengir doank – akhirnya gue pun menyingsingkan lengan baju lagi balik nyalain api.
Eh makin lama ujannya makin deres… deres… dan bikin basah (ya iyalah, namanya juga ujan). Oh la la yang lain udah pada lari-lari sambil bawa tas-tas kita ke shelter yang kebetulan cukup dekat. Heroically, kita tetep berusaha nyalain api. Masih berdua aja tuh, udah blontang blonteng itemnya arang padahal. Perlahan namun pasti, mulai datang dukungan-dukungan. Satu cowok (dari kelompok remaja) menawarkan bantuannya pada kami berdua (dari kelompok dewasa). Kita bertiga pake dua payung, jadi dua orang megang payung dengan satu tangan dan maen api (kata nenek itu berbahaya) dengan tangan yang lain. Akhirnya datang lagi 1 orang mayungin kita jadi kita bisa mayungin api. Pokoknya formasi akhir adalah R (remaja) mayungin dirinya dan E (remaja). E (remaja) mayungin R (dewasa). V (remaja) mayungin dirinya dan D (remaja). D (remaja mayungin arang (bukan remaja dan bukan dewasa). R (dewasa) mayungin J (dewasa) dan arang. Wuih pokok e kalo ada helikopter mudeng-mudeng di atas bakal ngeliat lingkaran-lingkaran bak lambang Olympiade tapi ga bolong-bolong deh.
Tiba-tiba… ujannya tambah dereeeesss!!! Byuuuurrr!!! Suddenly, despite the beautiful formation of the umbrellas, kita tetep basah. Tapi kita memang pantang menyerah dan patah semangat. Pokoknya mau basah mau kering api harus nyala. Jadi kita makin gigih mayungin dan makin gigih ngipas-ngipas dengan koran tipis yang makin lama-makin lepek (gue tau pasti ada yang udah mulai siap dengan telunjuknya dan “kesiaaan deh lu”). Ketika arangnya udah mulai membara (thanks to bentuknya yang hollow cylinder and did help the heat transfer.. catet tuh, catet ya kalo mau beli arang) kita pun tutupin dengan aluminium foil di atas jeruji besinya. Eh lagi bungkus-bungkus, abis tuh aluminium foilnya. Alhasil kita lanjutkan dengan koran yang tadi keburu lepek itu. Terus berbondong-bondong kita lari ke shelter sambil tetep berdoa (walaupun sudah berhenti bekerja).
Ketika hujan mulai reda, gue yang emang kancheong in nature (gampang panikan maksudnya) pun balik ke tempat api (pake payung, of course) untuk inspeksi. Udah menabahkan dan menguatkan hati tuh kalo misalnya apinya udah mati. Tenang aja, bunuh diri sih kagak, paling nangis bombay dan bikin ujan lokal. Ternyata doa-doa yang dipanjatkan di bawah shelter pun terkabul sudah. Helaan napas lega terlontar dari mulut gue yang ga didengar siapa-siapa karena gak ada yang kurang kerjaan ujan-ujanan ngecek api. Rugi juga sih tapi gapapa lah. Aer ujan yang ketampung di aluminium foil udah mendidih tuh.
Yah akhirnya… berakhirlah babak satu drama kami. Api pun menyala sudah, baju pun sedikit demi sedikit mulai mengering. Yang lain pun segera menyusul dan mulai membuka acara BBQ ini lengkap dengan gunting pita seperti layaknya gubernur-gubernur meresmikan acara di Balai Kota (kalo di Jawa biasa dibilang Alun-alun). Pheeeww, jadi juga kita BBQan dan ngasi makan ke 20an perut.
Yah udah segitu dulu ceritanya. Babak-babak berikutnya menyusul kalo gak males hihihihi =D Udah malem nih, besok mulai lagi my routine of going to and fro to JB for the project. Masih banyak cerita asyik di BBQ, walau mungkin ga sedramatis nyalain api ujan-ujan. Mau tau? Cepek dulu donk….. (US$ bukan kayak Pak Ogah)
Hari itu, adek gue yang paling kecil ngerayain sweet seventeen birthday party with her friends (yang ngerayain ga dia doank sih) dengan acara bakar-bakaran (yang sah tapinya) di belahan timur Singapura. Pertama kali gue denger rencana ini, yang pertama terlintas adalah… “Yak ampun, adek gue udah nambah umur sampe 17 rupanya.” Biasalah, kita pasti nganggep orang yang lebih muda dari kita tuh kecil banget, dan kita kalo inget-inget pas 17 taon rasanya dulu kita udah gede banget. Kalo dulu jaman SMU, di antara temen-temen gue banyak yang menganggap hari ulang tahun ke 17 itu adalah The Pearly Gates to enter the dating series. Tapi bukan buat gue sih, males banget dulu mah pacar-pacaran. Untuk kasus kita (cieh, kesannya serius banget pake ada kasus segala) gue ninggalin Jakarta untuk mengadu nasib (kalo di film-film jaman dulu tuh digambarin dengan bawa-bawa tongkat berujung buntelan, tapi gue sih kagak, bawanya berkoper-koper) adik gue masi SD. Masi imut, putih, lucu, masi suka nangis kalo kebanyakan PR, pokoknya masi anak-anak banget deh. Eh tau-tau udah sweet seventeen. Time flies, dan artinya gue juga nambah tuh sampe kadang-kadang udah mulai dipanggil tante (yah walau kesannya tua tapi masi untung ga dipanggil oom).
Yah anyway, mau pantes mau kagak yang jelas adek gue ulang taon bulan lalu dan dirayain kemaren. Jadilah gue jadi “kakak” selama BBQ itu. BTW yang uda tuwir bukan gue doank sih, ada 4 orang lagi. Jadi total 5 matured, calm, dignified and good-natured adults and around 24 screaming, highly-enthusiastic, energetic small ch… oops, teenagers. Kebetulan hampir semua temen-temennya itu anak Indo yang tinggal di CJC hostel.
Yah, seperti biasa, BBQ itu dimulai dengan… ngejer-ngejer ayam buat di-marinade dan dibakar. Ih ya nggak lah, kesian deh lu kalo percaya. Namanya juga bakar-bakaran, perlu apa donk? Yak, tepat sekali. Perlu api. Gue tuh sebenernya paling males kalo ngurusin api pas BBQ. Karena menurut pengalaman-pengalaman gue, paling nyiksa tuh nyalain api. Pernah sampe sejem. Apalagi kalo alam lagi ga bersahabat alias arah angin yang acakadut kayak ngerjain kita dan bikin apinya mati mulu tiap mau disulut.
Drama babak pertama dibuka dengan kenyataan bahwa mereka ga punya korek api/lighter. Masya allah, pusing donk gue. Akhirnya kita pun minjem korek api dari pit sebelah (yang akhirnya lupa dibalikin dan udah terlanjur basah kuyub juga - oops). Setelah ga sukses-sukses juga, kita pinjem lighter dari pit sebelahnya juga (oops lagi and now you know why).
Segala daya upaya dikerahkan untuk menjinakkan angin yang buandel tenan. Panas-panas gitu anginnya kenceng banget dan ganti-ganti arah pula. Kan capek gue yang mayungin sampe tolol muter-muter. Judul babak pertama itu bener-bener Ora Et Labora deh, berdoa dan bekerja. “Nyala donk… nyala donk… nyala donk..” gitu deh kira-kira mantra kita (apa gue doank ya?). Dan gue udah mikir juga, setelah sekian lama apinya masih mundung, apa gue perlu pake senjata rahasia gue. Dulu, tiap BBQ, kalo apinya ga nyala-nyala biasa gue ny…. Oops, ga rahasia lagi donk kalo gue kasi tau.
Yah anyway, lagi berdiri dengan penuh dedikasi ublek-ublek charcoal, tiba-tiba terdengar suara merdu L di belakang gue “Eh lho kok ujan yah?”. Reaksi gue? “Cepetan gih suruh orang lempar – maaf - kolor biar ga ujan.” Alkisah itu adalah salah satu cara yang biasa ditempuh oleh para pawang ujan. Setelah merasa tak puas akan tanggapan yang diberikan – cuma cengar-cengir doank – akhirnya gue pun menyingsingkan lengan baju lagi balik nyalain api.
Eh makin lama ujannya makin deres… deres… dan bikin basah (ya iyalah, namanya juga ujan). Oh la la yang lain udah pada lari-lari sambil bawa tas-tas kita ke shelter yang kebetulan cukup dekat. Heroically, kita tetep berusaha nyalain api. Masih berdua aja tuh, udah blontang blonteng itemnya arang padahal. Perlahan namun pasti, mulai datang dukungan-dukungan. Satu cowok (dari kelompok remaja) menawarkan bantuannya pada kami berdua (dari kelompok dewasa). Kita bertiga pake dua payung, jadi dua orang megang payung dengan satu tangan dan maen api (kata nenek itu berbahaya) dengan tangan yang lain. Akhirnya datang lagi 1 orang mayungin kita jadi kita bisa mayungin api. Pokoknya formasi akhir adalah R (remaja) mayungin dirinya dan E (remaja). E (remaja) mayungin R (dewasa). V (remaja) mayungin dirinya dan D (remaja). D (remaja mayungin arang (bukan remaja dan bukan dewasa). R (dewasa) mayungin J (dewasa) dan arang. Wuih pokok e kalo ada helikopter mudeng-mudeng di atas bakal ngeliat lingkaran-lingkaran bak lambang Olympiade tapi ga bolong-bolong deh.
Tiba-tiba… ujannya tambah dereeeesss!!! Byuuuurrr!!! Suddenly, despite the beautiful formation of the umbrellas, kita tetep basah. Tapi kita memang pantang menyerah dan patah semangat. Pokoknya mau basah mau kering api harus nyala. Jadi kita makin gigih mayungin dan makin gigih ngipas-ngipas dengan koran tipis yang makin lama-makin lepek (gue tau pasti ada yang udah mulai siap dengan telunjuknya dan “kesiaaan deh lu”). Ketika arangnya udah mulai membara (thanks to bentuknya yang hollow cylinder and did help the heat transfer.. catet tuh, catet ya kalo mau beli arang) kita pun tutupin dengan aluminium foil di atas jeruji besinya. Eh lagi bungkus-bungkus, abis tuh aluminium foilnya. Alhasil kita lanjutkan dengan koran yang tadi keburu lepek itu. Terus berbondong-bondong kita lari ke shelter sambil tetep berdoa (walaupun sudah berhenti bekerja).
Ketika hujan mulai reda, gue yang emang kancheong in nature (gampang panikan maksudnya) pun balik ke tempat api (pake payung, of course) untuk inspeksi. Udah menabahkan dan menguatkan hati tuh kalo misalnya apinya udah mati. Tenang aja, bunuh diri sih kagak, paling nangis bombay dan bikin ujan lokal. Ternyata doa-doa yang dipanjatkan di bawah shelter pun terkabul sudah. Helaan napas lega terlontar dari mulut gue yang ga didengar siapa-siapa karena gak ada yang kurang kerjaan ujan-ujanan ngecek api. Rugi juga sih tapi gapapa lah. Aer ujan yang ketampung di aluminium foil udah mendidih tuh.
Yah akhirnya… berakhirlah babak satu drama kami. Api pun menyala sudah, baju pun sedikit demi sedikit mulai mengering. Yang lain pun segera menyusul dan mulai membuka acara BBQ ini lengkap dengan gunting pita seperti layaknya gubernur-gubernur meresmikan acara di Balai Kota (kalo di Jawa biasa dibilang Alun-alun). Pheeeww, jadi juga kita BBQan dan ngasi makan ke 20an perut.
Yah udah segitu dulu ceritanya. Babak-babak berikutnya menyusul kalo gak males hihihihi =D Udah malem nih, besok mulai lagi my routine of going to and fro to JB for the project. Masih banyak cerita asyik di BBQ, walau mungkin ga sedramatis nyalain api ujan-ujan. Mau tau? Cepek dulu donk….. (US$ bukan kayak Pak Ogah)
Saturday, April 16, 2005
I Had A Dream…
Yes, as it is written there, I used Past Tense. I used to have few dreams. Nonetheless, as I journey along my so-called life path I’ve seen more of my dreams shattered rather than coming into life. It is true, though, that something else came along the way and turned to be… well, better that what I had wished for. Now I see life more realistically. The ever-optimist and dreamful Rhea always believed (notice the past tense) that we can get whatever we dream for, any time we want it to happen. But one day, I woke up with my eyes open-wide and realized that in real world, nothing can come in at an instant. Life is a struggle and a battlefield. There is no constant smoothness along the journey. On that day also, I was dragged out from my cocoon, my comfort zone and was forced to taste the bitterness of life, apart from its blissful sweetness. But on that very day, I started to learn about the essence, the significance and the true meaning of life.
When I was younger, I used to see the world from a rose-tinted glass. As a student, what can you worry about? My cocoon consisted of my caring family, warm home and a bunch of joyful friends. What else could you ask? What I did were just studying, enjoying my time with the loved ones and dreaming about my future, which at that time I assumed to be bright and hopeful. Ironically, now as a young adult embracing her quarter-life, I spend a large portion of my time worrying and questioning about my future. As a student, getting some respectable (and even dignifying) achievements was not really out of my ability (or luck, perhaps?). It had then misled me to savor some degree of complacency. I thought that I will continue achieving my other glossy and astronomical dreams with same level of handiness. Luckily enough, it was not too late for me to realize that I was wrong. Completely wrong.
Dear optimists out there, please don’t condemn me as yet. Dear pessimists, don’t snigger at me… yet. I still keep some degree of optimism intact. I DO believe that dreams will come true, eventually. It may be sooner than what we expect but there is a possibility also that it may come much later. On one condition, that we really put what it takes wholeheartedly.
I still do have some dreams, though truthfully sometimes I am just afraid to keep them. Afraid of losing them, afraid of seeing them shattered again just like their brothers and sisters previously, afraid that I am flying to high and a typhoon may hit me hard. So hard that I fall FLAT to the ground. Or worse still, flat and crushed.
As I have grown more maturely (I suppose, or rather… I hope) I am now able to humbly put more pieces of reality and bits of true facts of life in constructing my puzzle of life. The way I see it now is that it still lacks most of the pieces, and I still keep my finger crossed while filling in the void with whatever I had. I have limited time and resources. These constraints really become the major hurdles for me as per now. With all its limitation, human being indeed can only do certain things in a given time. I know that I may need to sacrifice something to get the other. It is just that for this very moment, I am still not capable of justifying and bang the hammer on the table to announce that a decision has been made. I still have to survive in this competitive and rat-race world, anyway.
I have wrapped my dreams in a soft linen to keep it warm, embalmed them with scents to keep the mist of hope and put them inside a beautiful and stunning mummy caskets. I know they are there now, waiting for the right moment for me to unlatch the lock and breathe some new fresh air into its nostril. Resurrection is what I am going to do one day, after I have finished sorting things out. After I have enough contemplation to know what I am really after in this life, what I really enjoy doing and what is most meaningful not only for me, but also for God and Church (as the center of my life), my dearest family now and later. After I master skillfully the art of taming this fast-pacing life and at the same time not letting myself to lag too far behind.
A resurrection of my dreams is what’s going to happen one day, I promise you. Meanwhile, I need to arm myself with a bunch of things. To learn how to fly high, really high. To stagger on even when the typhoon (or tsunami as long as I live in South-East Asia) comes and challenge my courage. To be ready even when I have to fall flat (and crushed) to the ground. To learn how to gather myself again, with whatever remains behind, and stand up from that disgraceful position. To learn how to MAGNIFY my courage and determination even after a series of falls and failures. To learn not to lose my faith, wherever my life may lead me to. And then… I’ll be ready for more stellar dreams and adventures.
COURAGE IS THE MASTER OF ALL FEARS. This is what my fortune cookies told me one day, coincidentally when I was faced with one of the most fearful occurrence in my life (yes, along the journey to pursue one of my incredible dream…).
With this, I say to God “God, just walk with me. I know I will then need no other things.”
And I know He will say “So be it. AMEN.”
Regards,
Rhea, who suddenly gain more optimism….
When I was younger, I used to see the world from a rose-tinted glass. As a student, what can you worry about? My cocoon consisted of my caring family, warm home and a bunch of joyful friends. What else could you ask? What I did were just studying, enjoying my time with the loved ones and dreaming about my future, which at that time I assumed to be bright and hopeful. Ironically, now as a young adult embracing her quarter-life, I spend a large portion of my time worrying and questioning about my future. As a student, getting some respectable (and even dignifying) achievements was not really out of my ability (or luck, perhaps?). It had then misled me to savor some degree of complacency. I thought that I will continue achieving my other glossy and astronomical dreams with same level of handiness. Luckily enough, it was not too late for me to realize that I was wrong. Completely wrong.
Dear optimists out there, please don’t condemn me as yet. Dear pessimists, don’t snigger at me… yet. I still keep some degree of optimism intact. I DO believe that dreams will come true, eventually. It may be sooner than what we expect but there is a possibility also that it may come much later. On one condition, that we really put what it takes wholeheartedly.
I still do have some dreams, though truthfully sometimes I am just afraid to keep them. Afraid of losing them, afraid of seeing them shattered again just like their brothers and sisters previously, afraid that I am flying to high and a typhoon may hit me hard. So hard that I fall FLAT to the ground. Or worse still, flat and crushed.
As I have grown more maturely (I suppose, or rather… I hope) I am now able to humbly put more pieces of reality and bits of true facts of life in constructing my puzzle of life. The way I see it now is that it still lacks most of the pieces, and I still keep my finger crossed while filling in the void with whatever I had. I have limited time and resources. These constraints really become the major hurdles for me as per now. With all its limitation, human being indeed can only do certain things in a given time. I know that I may need to sacrifice something to get the other. It is just that for this very moment, I am still not capable of justifying and bang the hammer on the table to announce that a decision has been made. I still have to survive in this competitive and rat-race world, anyway.
I have wrapped my dreams in a soft linen to keep it warm, embalmed them with scents to keep the mist of hope and put them inside a beautiful and stunning mummy caskets. I know they are there now, waiting for the right moment for me to unlatch the lock and breathe some new fresh air into its nostril. Resurrection is what I am going to do one day, after I have finished sorting things out. After I have enough contemplation to know what I am really after in this life, what I really enjoy doing and what is most meaningful not only for me, but also for God and Church (as the center of my life), my dearest family now and later. After I master skillfully the art of taming this fast-pacing life and at the same time not letting myself to lag too far behind.
A resurrection of my dreams is what’s going to happen one day, I promise you. Meanwhile, I need to arm myself with a bunch of things. To learn how to fly high, really high. To stagger on even when the typhoon (or tsunami as long as I live in South-East Asia) comes and challenge my courage. To be ready even when I have to fall flat (and crushed) to the ground. To learn how to gather myself again, with whatever remains behind, and stand up from that disgraceful position. To learn how to MAGNIFY my courage and determination even after a series of falls and failures. To learn not to lose my faith, wherever my life may lead me to. And then… I’ll be ready for more stellar dreams and adventures.
COURAGE IS THE MASTER OF ALL FEARS. This is what my fortune cookies told me one day, coincidentally when I was faced with one of the most fearful occurrence in my life (yes, along the journey to pursue one of my incredible dream…).
With this, I say to God “God, just walk with me. I know I will then need no other things.”
And I know He will say “So be it. AMEN.”
Regards,
Rhea, who suddenly gain more optimism….
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Dear Life
Singapore, 14 April 2005
Dear Life,
Hi, what have you been up to? Been busy? Oh, well… as if I need to ask. I am here, as usual, stealing some minutes to drop few lines to you. I have wanted to write this for days, you know…. But something kept on coming in the way, or is it just a guiltless excuse for my laziness and a legal passport for my procrastination?
Do you still meet up with your best friend, Time, recently? A hello-how-are-you-what-have-you-been-up-to conversation over a cup of coffee perhaps? If you do, please send my regards to him. Tell him I miss him. Tell him I am still waiting for the revelation of his beauty.
In his nothingness,
Surrounded by tranquil darkness
In his prevalence of void,
Calling out in a silent whisper
Inhaling me into its endless serenity
Captivating me to the timeless soul
Silence…
Bring me to your embrace
Tranquility…
Bring me to your soul
Serenity…
Unfurl your spirit upon me
Dear Wind,
Please don’t blow, just hush
Dear Fire,
Please don’t burn, just flame
Dear Water,
Please don’t be waves, just be ripples
Yours sincerely,
The Living Legacy of This Erratic World
Dear Life,
Hi, what have you been up to? Been busy? Oh, well… as if I need to ask. I am here, as usual, stealing some minutes to drop few lines to you. I have wanted to write this for days, you know…. But something kept on coming in the way, or is it just a guiltless excuse for my laziness and a legal passport for my procrastination?
Do you still meet up with your best friend, Time, recently? A hello-how-are-you-what-have-you-been-up-to conversation over a cup of coffee perhaps? If you do, please send my regards to him. Tell him I miss him. Tell him I am still waiting for the revelation of his beauty.
In his nothingness,
Surrounded by tranquil darkness
In his prevalence of void,
Calling out in a silent whisper
Inhaling me into its endless serenity
Captivating me to the timeless soul
Silence…
Bring me to your embrace
Tranquility…
Bring me to your soul
Serenity…
Unfurl your spirit upon me
Dear Wind,
Please don’t blow, just hush
Dear Fire,
Please don’t burn, just flame
Dear Water,
Please don’t be waves, just be ripples
Yours sincerely,
The Living Legacy of This Erratic World
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Watermelons... and something else
Today I just knew that some people like to read my blog (thank you dears!), especially in those boring days when you endlessly count second by second. Well, it has been a while since my last entry to this page. Sigh… it has been indeed quite tiring recently. Me being caught up in Singapore – Johor Bahru to and fro trip almost everyday for work (story about it later), leaving this flesh and blood exhausted each time I reach home.
Moreover, already these few days I labor myself mightily to finish up my homework. Homework? As in… student’s homework? Yes, most definitely. If you open my Friendster page, you would see that I describe myself as a dedicated employee (apparently a hyperbole) during weekdays and an art student in weekends.
And here I am, a Western Painting Class student with limited talent but loads of homework.
Oh well, I can’t really blame anybody as not all my classmates have this homework. The problem is, I am always oh-so-slow in doing my painting. Especially in doing those in watercolor, one of the most difficult painting media imaginable. Controlling the water content in the brushes was far from being a simple task. Or is it only for me? Until now, I am still unable to tell whether this brush stroke that I am doing will give me watermark (eeeuuurrgh…) or that watery effect as my teacher always does (oh please, please, please let it be the latest…). And you know that with watercolor, an instant result is out of questions. Before you proceed with other parts, more often than not, you just keep your finger crossed and seeing that part drying up and see. If it is a watermark, then you sigh a bit, inhale, exhale, mix the colors again, reluctantly lift up your arm (the one with the brush between your fingers) and redo again, with a harder prayer this time.
Not only watermark and watery effect, in general I am compelled to say that this watercolor is a liar (tukang tipu – red.). Every time you sweep your brush gracefully, the first color it shows to you might not be the one you will get after you finish your painting. Which means… finger crossing again. Ouw, in this case, since you need to hold our palette with your left hand and your brush with your right hand, you can only cross your toes and not your fingers. Oh gosh, so troublesome.
Under this circumstance, I am always the one who finish the work the latest. When the teacher has walked around and fixed others’ paintings, I am still struggling with my object, let alone the shadowing and background. But sometimes I intentionally do that so I can have the painting of my own and not Mr. Lim’s. Needless to say, my style is different from him. I feel like seeing somebody else’s painting if he fixes my works. Well, needless to say again, his is actually better. But it’s just… different style. Got what I mean?
Well, just like any other Sunday mornings, on 10th April 2005, I was – again – so slow. If you wander around, you would see three cuts of watermelon plus the shadowing plus the table plus the background. If you stand behind my stool, you would see three cuts of watermelon, c’est tout. There was one lady from oil painting class came by and said “Wow, your watermelons look very sumptuous.”
Oh well, so it is three cuts of sumptuous watermelon, and barely nothing else. As if from nowhere, I found a silvery colored thingy in my huge Levi’s backpack. Oh, wow it is my Canon PowerShot A80 camera. Thanks to digital technology, I just took few snaps – the table with watermelons, and my classmates’ painting after having final touch by Mr. Lim – and then wrapped up my things and was ready to go. Mr. Lim looked at me disappointedly and said “Yours still lack of shadows, background, blablabla…” with that gimme-gimme-gimme-lemme-fix-it look. Oh, and plus this questioning will-you-really-leave-this-classroom-with-that-unfinished-painting look. Dignifiedly, I stare back with oh-yes-I-will-leave-this-room-with-this-unfinished-painting look.
I told him “Don’t worry, I will finish at home. I’ve taken few snaps of it.”
Sunday afternoon, after having an enjoyable lunch with my dearest and a trip down to Yew Tee to pass a birthday present to my dear friend, I sat in my room with all the watercolor tool kit ready and those watermelons – oops, sumptuous watermelons – in front of me.
“Cut the paper, your painting is skewed rightward.” Oh yes, oh yes, Mr. Lim, my myopic eyes noticed that damn well too. But on that Sunday afternoon, my mind was welcoming a novel idea “Why don’t I just put something else instead of cutting the paper?” Imagine those tree cells crying out loud of being cut… oh stop it, stop hyperboling things.
And it was the beginning of everything.
One thing led to another.
It’s the answer why I have never finished this watermelon thingy.
So I started with adding a blueish ceramic flower vase to fill up the void. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the first stage.
It’s not good to leave the vase empty. So Rhea added a flower (Hibiscus). Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the second stage.
It’s so “dry” to see a flower without any greeny leaves. So few greeny leaves suddenly sprung into life, dangling around that yellowish hibiscus. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the third stage.
Ouw, should I just place them on the table? Hmmm, we need something to spice up the watermelon a bit. So Rhea decided to cover the plain white NAFA classroom table with a tablecloth. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the fourth stage.
Gosh, should I add… Hell, no. Big NO. If I added something else, it won’t be a watermelon painting, it will be pasar malam instead.
OK, let’s proceed on coloring.
Put the basic blue on the vase and some colors on the flowers and leaves. Evening passed and morning came – the first day.
Add on the shadowy blue on the vase and apply the basic colors on the table (no longer whitey) and tablecloth. Evening passed and morning came – the second day.
Finish the colors on table and tablecloth, especially those edge parts. Evening passed and morning came – the third day.
Oh, bugger. Oh, well. Gosh, I am so tired. If I still continue, my painting may go haywire. Oh, well… forget it. Let me write for my blog instead. Evening will pass and morning will come – the fourth day.
Moreover, already these few days I labor myself mightily to finish up my homework. Homework? As in… student’s homework? Yes, most definitely. If you open my Friendster page, you would see that I describe myself as a dedicated employee (apparently a hyperbole) during weekdays and an art student in weekends.
And here I am, a Western Painting Class student with limited talent but loads of homework.
Oh well, I can’t really blame anybody as not all my classmates have this homework. The problem is, I am always oh-so-slow in doing my painting. Especially in doing those in watercolor, one of the most difficult painting media imaginable. Controlling the water content in the brushes was far from being a simple task. Or is it only for me? Until now, I am still unable to tell whether this brush stroke that I am doing will give me watermark (eeeuuurrgh…) or that watery effect as my teacher always does (oh please, please, please let it be the latest…). And you know that with watercolor, an instant result is out of questions. Before you proceed with other parts, more often than not, you just keep your finger crossed and seeing that part drying up and see. If it is a watermark, then you sigh a bit, inhale, exhale, mix the colors again, reluctantly lift up your arm (the one with the brush between your fingers) and redo again, with a harder prayer this time.
Not only watermark and watery effect, in general I am compelled to say that this watercolor is a liar (tukang tipu – red.). Every time you sweep your brush gracefully, the first color it shows to you might not be the one you will get after you finish your painting. Which means… finger crossing again. Ouw, in this case, since you need to hold our palette with your left hand and your brush with your right hand, you can only cross your toes and not your fingers. Oh gosh, so troublesome.
Under this circumstance, I am always the one who finish the work the latest. When the teacher has walked around and fixed others’ paintings, I am still struggling with my object, let alone the shadowing and background. But sometimes I intentionally do that so I can have the painting of my own and not Mr. Lim’s. Needless to say, my style is different from him. I feel like seeing somebody else’s painting if he fixes my works. Well, needless to say again, his is actually better. But it’s just… different style. Got what I mean?
Well, just like any other Sunday mornings, on 10th April 2005, I was – again – so slow. If you wander around, you would see three cuts of watermelon plus the shadowing plus the table plus the background. If you stand behind my stool, you would see three cuts of watermelon, c’est tout. There was one lady from oil painting class came by and said “Wow, your watermelons look very sumptuous.”
Oh well, so it is three cuts of sumptuous watermelon, and barely nothing else. As if from nowhere, I found a silvery colored thingy in my huge Levi’s backpack. Oh, wow it is my Canon PowerShot A80 camera. Thanks to digital technology, I just took few snaps – the table with watermelons, and my classmates’ painting after having final touch by Mr. Lim – and then wrapped up my things and was ready to go. Mr. Lim looked at me disappointedly and said “Yours still lack of shadows, background, blablabla…” with that gimme-gimme-gimme-lemme-fix-it look. Oh, and plus this questioning will-you-really-leave-this-classroom-with-that-unfinished-painting look. Dignifiedly, I stare back with oh-yes-I-will-leave-this-room-with-this-unfinished-painting look.
I told him “Don’t worry, I will finish at home. I’ve taken few snaps of it.”
Sunday afternoon, after having an enjoyable lunch with my dearest and a trip down to Yew Tee to pass a birthday present to my dear friend, I sat in my room with all the watercolor tool kit ready and those watermelons – oops, sumptuous watermelons – in front of me.
“Cut the paper, your painting is skewed rightward.” Oh yes, oh yes, Mr. Lim, my myopic eyes noticed that damn well too. But on that Sunday afternoon, my mind was welcoming a novel idea “Why don’t I just put something else instead of cutting the paper?” Imagine those tree cells crying out loud of being cut… oh stop it, stop hyperboling things.
And it was the beginning of everything.
One thing led to another.
It’s the answer why I have never finished this watermelon thingy.
So I started with adding a blueish ceramic flower vase to fill up the void. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the first stage.
It’s not good to leave the vase empty. So Rhea added a flower (Hibiscus). Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the second stage.
It’s so “dry” to see a flower without any greeny leaves. So few greeny leaves suddenly sprung into life, dangling around that yellowish hibiscus. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the third stage.
Ouw, should I just place them on the table? Hmmm, we need something to spice up the watermelon a bit. So Rhea decided to cover the plain white NAFA classroom table with a tablecloth. Drawing done and Rhea was satisfied – the fourth stage.
Gosh, should I add… Hell, no. Big NO. If I added something else, it won’t be a watermelon painting, it will be pasar malam instead.
OK, let’s proceed on coloring.
Put the basic blue on the vase and some colors on the flowers and leaves. Evening passed and morning came – the first day.
Add on the shadowy blue on the vase and apply the basic colors on the table (no longer whitey) and tablecloth. Evening passed and morning came – the second day.
Finish the colors on table and tablecloth, especially those edge parts. Evening passed and morning came – the third day.
Oh, bugger. Oh, well. Gosh, I am so tired. If I still continue, my painting may go haywire. Oh, well… forget it. Let me write for my blog instead. Evening will pass and morning will come – the fourth day.
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