Non Dimenticar

It means "Don't forget you are my darling"

Haha it just happens to be the song I am listening to from my MP3. It has nothing to do with what I am going to post though. And um, yeah I know my music taste is 'ancient'.

In the whole last three days (not on each of them), I had only stepped out of the house for less than half an hour. No, I am not in a confinement. At least not the one with 'childbirth'.

Some people say my life has been pathetic. Is it? Well, if you see in present's context, I guess so. But to console myself, I always 'try' to think what I would gain in the future, after my struggles, pains, sweat, blood and tears. Blood? Of course. MIT requested for so many jabs. And we have to pay ourselves. Bleh.

What did I do at home? Assignments. Non stop. Bleh. My laptop is the 'first thing in the morning'. Yeah even my toothbrush has to wait (not so long, don't worry).

I'll be a great and unprofessional liar if I say I gladly accept this situation. I started tracing back my previous plans. How if I went to UNSW instead? I might be sandboarding in Port Stephen now wuakakakkakaka =D. Or Cambridge? What if? Yeah, the cliché question. Human. Not easy to please. Though I know if I am not here, I'll be questioning myself "how is it going to be if I am in MIT?".

I must say grace for the privilege I have here. You get the knowledge first-hand. From the textbook author himself. From the person who developed the software himself. From the person that conjured the theory himself.

With it, comes the concommitant burden, stress and greatest of all is pressure. Please bear with my blabbering here. 3-days being confined in front of laptop and oceans of lecture notes and text books, I do need some 'human connection'. Here, to say the least.

Frankly speaking, it is not my busiest day. The work in queue might not be the max. NTU second year first semester -- it may ring a bell to some NTU-AMP-MPE 2003 students. Those who are with me, I believe you remember. That dreadful semester. Ouch. Our horrible encounter with M405 (yeah it was a final year subject -- supposedly). We still cringed hearing/reading 405 I believe, in any context. Well, at least I still. And the thermo exam (for mechatronics and design students only). The only time I saw tears in exam hall. Not singular. Not female. Banging of file folders. Kicking the lift door (not me).

My other terribly hectic period was in September 2004. I wasn't a student anymore by then, but my work and all activities I happened to be involved in were all at peaks. It was the most "obvious" ones. Believe it or not, I got more than 10 mouth ulcers on one surface at one go. Even the doctor was terribly shocked. I was at home only to sleep by then. Came back and left, both when nobody else was awake sometimes.

Another time, of course, final year - Santa Ursula high school. I still wonder UNTIL NOW how did I manage to pass those period. That's the time when you didn't count the hours you slept. A little tips: apply some mentholatum below your eyes (like when you do with eye gel). It will keep you awake in class. I did that everyday. Especially in Math class. You are not even allowed to lower your head. She'll say you're looking at your watch which implies that you can't wait the class to get over. You'll end up standing in front of the auditorium hall -- it's a punishment.

The pressure here is greater. Some have the relevant background. It's piece of cake for them. For the under-privilege like me (all are soooooooooooo new), the pressure is just enormous. Not only you have to finish HEAPS of assignments (and type all those matrices, equations.. type!! bleh. so time consuming), you still have to catch up. And be pressurized.

So another tips: if you are not familiar with linear algebra, PDE and you don't code in MATLAB like you write with your hand, think twice, thrice if you want to go to Computational Engineering.

OK OK time to sleep. I am damn tired now. It feels good to write. Just don't complain that it's all complain hahaha