Looking back - March 2005

Take a look at the above picture carefully. Any familiar face?

Then take a look at this one. Can you guess which face is whose? I don't think we've changed much...

Should the first picture be slightly bigger, I would be the easiest to spot as many claim I haven't changed since my primary school era. What with my glasses (thick ones) and ponytail always intact daily.

In March, all I can remember was I had this one killer deadline to meet at work, benumbed me from any living excitement except to eat. I mean, no mood to do anything interesting. All energy was drained in that squeezing company (it is "that" not "this" so you know whether I have tendered or not). Then I realized that there was one week perfect for going back to Kalideres, it's the area where my small house (my parents' I mean, not mine) resides in Jakarta. Indeed it's oh-so-ulu (remote from any form of civilization). It was just right after my deadly deadline and it was when I had my first-term break (only 1 week, i.e. 1 session) of painting class. So off I went to Muhibbah and already had a ticket on my way back from Bugis.

Some of my ex-classmates welcomed me back to town by having a teeny weeny reunion in Plaza Indonesia. I ate nasi liwet plus soto betawi and es campur. Cihuy bajay deh!! At the same time had my spoon ready to have a nibble or more from others' plates.

Continued to Gelaré, ate another share of ice cream and waffle. Uhuhuhu enak sekaliii... Despite our ageing process *ehm ehm* we still laughed like before, a kind of laugh that my friend claims to be traumatizing to any guys around. May be devastating for their psychological side, some say. But we were grown up with that kind of laughter, so what to do?

The only guy around (i.e. my dear brother) was cool. I mean, really cool, flipping a cool magazine. Simply because he is well-trained regarding anything related to "Sanur". What with two sisters around, a special someone *uhuuuyyy... good choice, bro!! -> narcissism sejati* and many friends...

The "pondering thought" from this so-called reunion, though teeny-weeny can be seen here.

CD: still Let's Folk (CD #2), American Pie (Don McLean)

Looking Back - February 2005

Hmm, so February was when we were fresh from all the musical feud. It was where we started having our Saturdays and Sundays off again. And also no more Wednesday night practices (when practices used to go on quite late) .

So it was a month of abstinence from anything "important" or rather, anything with tight and demanding schedule. You may call it a dormancy period also. The sun looked brighter during this month hahaha =D. Well, hmm actually it wasn't that "paradise" as we still had to take care of financial report, reimbursement, and some lose ends that we need to tidy up. Oh well, those things...

It was also the month of 2005's Chinese New Year (Rooster Year -> my horoscope. So you know how old am I now).

Chinese New Year's eve: had a meeting with musical's production team to settle money matters and reimbursement in Ikea (while eating the well-known Swedish meatballs, poached salmon, chicken wings etc). Reunion dinner at night which was my first MTP session. Continued by watching the midnight show of "Constantine" in Lido.

Chinese New Year Day #1: went to visit some relatives, walked around Chinatown area and had an italian style hi-tea session in Changi Village Hotel (see picture). I don't quite remember the exact name of the hotel, but am really sure it is in Changi Village. It has a nice Italian eateries upstair, overlooking the sea. Nice weather (including the breeze) and good food AND better coffee (it's Italian, remember?) plus chit chat which had long been forgotten, what with the crazy schedule, made it a perfect afternoon. You can also hear the water splashing sound from the swimming pool just below.

The afternoon was simply... idyllic.

We ended with a dinner in Holland Village (Swensen). The food was Okay, but the holiday mood still lingered. It was what's important!!

Chinese New Year Day #2: spent almost the whole day in Borders and Coffee Bean behind Borders. I spent a three-digit number (Singapore Dollars) for books!! Not only for me though, one was for my dear brother. But I felt like I had all the free time in the world, and self-validate it as reasons to buy heaps and heaps of books!!! *pelampiasan* Hmm and some movies if I remember correctly. *Ckckckckck benar-benar pelampiasan*.

Was also involved in video editing for our musical. See the show from front for the first time as I was behind the curtain, checking scene by scene during the two-hours-or-so show. I took an urgent half-day leave for this hahaha =D. Left for an "Ash Friday" mass (as Ash Wednesday fell on Chinese New Year) in St. Bernadette, followed by a choir practice for next mass (that was my last involvement in choir until now), ate prata in Spize (River Valley Rd) and the next thing we did was cruising (OK OK not cruising, taking a ride in a red Hyundai Matrix -> definitely not mine) back to Woodlands to continue the editing until like... 2.30 am?

Hmm what else? Nothing much, I guess. Just remember my last choir session (for KKIS' 20th birthday mass celebration) and now, I've forgotten how to sing.

Didn't know that this un-happening month can be explained this long.

CD: Let's Folk, a compilation by Gold90 FM.
Fave for this moment: Scarborough Fair (Simon & Garfunkel) and Dust in the Wind (Kansas)

Tomorrow morning I'll trample along Arab Street. Anyone wants to come along? Haha how late to ask *niat ga seh?*

Microsoft Words - that's it

OK OK, at least I can type it in Microsoft Words first before pasting it on my blog.

I still can't type it directly on this blog window...

Music: buzzing aircon in this office
Mood: happy as I just found out how to type those aposthropes and yet still suffer from my stomachache (not too bad, luckily - haha very Jawa... selalu bersyukur as it can always be worse)

Testing

Just wanna test

É è ç

Interrupt! - Nice Desserts...

Added on 29 Dec 2005: EDITED - the aposthropes are present here. For the benefit of those who haven't seen my unedited version before: I didn't know how to put some French's characters and hence... (you read the PS below)

I know I am actually supposed to continue my flashback kinda "report" for this year and I was only up to January.

Just can't help to interrupt (the unmaskable one) and put this posting instead.

I had dinner with my two friends in French Stall. Yup, it's my first time there and I think it's also my first time in Serangoon area *ahak!* (not counting one day few years ago when we got lost on our almost-abortive attempt to locate Church of Immaculate Heart of Mary - due to some misleading instruction from a misleading chap - on one hot and too-bright a day - reached there when homily started - after alighting at the wrong bus stop and walked to the church since the time when the mass should start 'til, as mentioned above, homily - oh why should we relive such a painful memory - ended the day by enjoying the night and singing KLa's Songs by Singapore River - it was not any close to a date by the way, as there were four of us).

Back to the French Stall story. Nice place, a simple corner turn chic yet not too modern. Red - of course!! - in hue. Warm service, one smiley French guy even offered to take a picture of us, and when we left the place - only to find out that our photographer was featured in magazines and food review as he is the owner and main chef.

Very frenchy. A kind of place which can end up as a hawker center or Geylang-like food stall, but with a bit here and a dab there, wine and beer bottles did not look out of place at all.

Have eyed the giant dessert when we entered the stall. It was like a compulsory item on every table. Like when you miss it you will have some allergic reaction... *iya.. iya.. hiperbola emang* Qu-est'ce que c'est?

My first victim was Smoked Salmon.





It was nice, a bit salty but nothing spectacular nor kicking. My friends ordered pork paté which, according to her, was not really nice and rather fatty/oily. Didn't look so appetizing to me and I commented that it looks just like luncheon meat. They - as predicted - disagreed, saying that it tasted worse (not that bad I believe, but the fact that you have to pay so much make you miss your Maling at home more). Liked the baguette. With the garlicky mussels. Love garlic and onion and anything with "unique" smell!! *in case you are wondering, yes I like pete/petai - different from paté - watch out the spelling*



Voila! Here's the most awaited dessert. Giant Profiterole with Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Sauce.

I must say that we liked it so much!! On other table, this poor profiterole was shared but in ours, we had one each!!

The best for me is the chocolate sauce. It beats Max Brenner and Haagen Dazs. It's not as thick as the aforementioned names famous for chocolates, it has a slight bitter taste but not so. My friend and I concluded that it is a perfect combination of dark chocolate and milk chocolate. C'est bon. The profiterole was, well, like a slightly hardened kue soes. There was nothing extraordinaire about the ice cream either. Mais le specialité, the chocolate sauce, will lure you back to that corner in Serangoon Rd.

Bon appetit!!

PS: Pardon me for the missing aposthropes in those les mots Français... It may sound silly but I have to admit I don't know how to do that here. Ouw I guess we need to change the language setting, don't we? Will do it later.

Song: Anyone at All by Carole King (Love at the Movies CD Track #7)

The Next Big Thing in January 2005

30 January 2005 was the big day for the whole "Perhaps Love" Musical Drama Team. From the casts, singers, dancers, production teams, sound system engineers, blackmen, guest star, lighting engineers... basically everybody whose sweat and spirit accompanied this show to its finale.

I must say it was not a big masterpiece. We were all amateurs. And I am compelled to say that there are also some "drama" behind the production. Luck and God's blessing were also the main factors that decided our ending =).

The producer asked me to join this troop as an artistic director which regretfully I declined. Knowing the "size" of the stage alone (which I was supposed to enliven) had managed to shrivel my confidence like dried leaves. And only for God knows reason that I ended up as the scriptwriter. I answered to it too fast perhaps, as I spent the first few weeks to ponder and whine on why on earth that I accede to take this huge responsibility. The thought that I need to propose my storyline to people who are potentially better than me in writing were just beyond imagination.

Oh well, the show must go on and one night, Bharata, Chia Ling and Randall were born. Some were skeptical about the story (including me) but time was running fast so off we started the practices.

Well, I must say that indeed my script may look and sound very humdrum. However, slowly but surely the music came in, the arrangement chip in, the dancers jingled in and... well, we got what we had on the D-Day.

I regard this musical drama as "a real something" in my life. How much I learned from that both technically and socially. How I appreciate music much better now. In my youth, it's one of my milestones that I will forever remember. And it has reminded me of one cliche line: You will not know you can do it before you try.

Many had happened during our few months of preparation, and all were summarized on 30th January 2005.

All the usual stuffs, sound checks, lighting checks (which involved three hours of laptop dysfunction and forced us to reschedule everything on the spot - believe it or not our rehearsal ended only minutes before the theatre was opened for audiences with some make-up, hair and costumes undone). It was a nerve-racking experience for a complete neophyte like me. Only my adrenalines that kept me standing and running and.. alive!

In this picture, I pretended to understand about sound system and microphones as everybody (who really understood) was occupied with something else. This one wasn't working and I completely forgot what I did but I was sure his voice was loud and clear at 5pm onwards =). My sister just peeped in and said this is "porno" kinda picture. Huh!!

Red (which happened to be my favourite colour) opened the show.

When the story started unfolding, the rich (see the two tai-tais above?)...

And the poor were on the same stage. Expensive dresses and simple uniforms.

The youthful flash and glitters...

The romance and love also prevailed

A parade of life: the tradition to bring parental wishes. Followed by rejection, true love and fight for achieving dreams. Confused?

And.. well, what else? The GRAND FINALE. Claps, laughters, dances, songs, musics to conclude our few months of hands and hearts joined together.

Looking back - January

The year 2005 is nearing its end very soon. In fact it's just few days away from now. Started thinking of growing older (as we everyday do actually) and pondered of what have happened, what have been done and what should have been done in the past 365 days.

Hmm, looking back, perhaps it is not my most productive year. It may not be the one with my most achievements nor any other things which worth mentioning.

However, I still regard this year as one of the most meaningful to me. Not with the amount of activities nor accolades that I have gathered. Frankly speaking, it was partly due to my decision to step back from the brouhaha that I could really find "my life". It is difficult to explain but it is.

The world is seemingly a constant pandemonium. If you let yourself be dragged in it, so there your life will be; in a commotion and sometimes it's hard to pull ourself out from its epicenter.

In church context, it is adviced that we become like Mary as much as like Martha. Sometimes we were too busy doing something (even some good things or even religious conducts) but we concentrate more on the "movements" and not into the real essence of it.

My decision to step back was not without a cost. The label of "anti-social" is associated with me sometimes. Perhaps I am too self-centric but I don't really care. As long as I am not diverting myself from the righteous, from my God and morale norms I don't think I should bother with what other think about me.

By retracting myself (sufficiently, not completely) I learn more about me, myself and God. More about the purpose of my life, its direction and how to attain them.

This does not mean my activities are any less at all. It was just about change in focus, and I feel much much much more comfortable in it.

The one who helps me in setting the direction (without the person even realizing it sometimes) and bringing me back some hopes came on the fateful date of 15 January 2005. That's the line that separates history from the present, more like.

How amazing that God's blessing started pouring down on me (heavily) as early as that in a year!

Cold blooded?

Current song: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You from Gold90 FM

This song reminds me of my high school days. No no no there were nothing romantic about it as only very few (aged!!) guys were around in the school premise.

It just happened that the cassette was within reach so I could put it in the tape deck and listen to the tune, which is nice I think. I was so lazy to change the cassette so there it was, the song with some other oldies songs accompanied my morning, afternoon and late night studying.

Still like it.

Rather cold in office today. My office used to be very cold, JN my friend even brought a winter jacket to office!! Well, my jacket is not that wintry but I always selected the thicker ones.

Brought my red Down Under jacket back home and forgot to bring another jacket today. So here I am, jacketless in this cold office room.

But actually, if you just let your body to get used to the cold temperature for a while, it should be OK as what happened to our dear fish and other amphibious friends (cold-blooded). Oops, as mammal we should be hot-blooded right?

Well, something anomalous does take place sometimes.

During my short holiday in Australia, my friends and I happened to be in the open almost midnight one day. We waited for a seat in Max Brenner (Sydney) and the weather was so cold that night. Colder than usual. With the concommitant wind (which I don't really like).



I was one freshest from tropical country as they have all got used to the wintry weather. My jacket was the minimum that time. Therefore, minimum resistance I had among others.

Anyway, I just need to stand against the wind for few minutes, letting my "system" adjusting itself to the weather and then tadaaaaa... I am OK and no more complaining whereas other Sydneyers still did.

Cold blooded?

Boxing Day

I got no box and gave none either.

Perhaps it's indeed not that prevailing in Asian countries (at least in Singapore). Well, Christmas gift exchange has not usually been part of my agenda either. *pelitkah aku?*

Today was started by waking up *of course*, sneezed as a sign of flu starts peeping in hence I took Panadol Cold (the one with lemon taste in it, it's drank not eaten). Read a bit of Maya Angelou, showered etc, and off I went to Bugis for my brunch cum meeting. Ate hotcakes which always make my fingers sticky (pliket is how Javanese put it). Perhaps it needs some specific skills to avoid the pliketness?

Left Bugis area at around 1, reached home around 2.20 pm after doing some grocery shopping. Continued by scrapbooking.

Background music: Bee Gees (2CDs)

I had finally selected a picture for my first painting in next term (which will start on 8 January - there go my Sunday mornings). It look simple but I think it will be tough as it involves water. Painting water is... well, I just can never get it really right be it by pastel, watercolour or oil. So I primed my canvas using its base colour. That's a problem with oil painting. It may take a week to completely dry. Hence I must start from now as I also plan to draft it first before going to my class.

Then prepared my dinner (still spaghetti) and ate it *ya jelas lah masa dipelototin doank*. Music has changed to Les Miserables (the Audio CD of concert at the Royal Albert Hall, 1995). This CD is highly recommended though relatively more expensive than any other music CDs =(. Or perhaps it is only in HMV? But as I couldn't find it anywhere else so I bought from HMV which costed me... well, forget it *mahal sih, sakit hati ingetnya*.

Anyone has heard this CD? Highly recommended. Really really GREAT. Genius composition of music and structure of lyrics. Powerful voice. Few names: Colm Wilkinson, Ruthie Henshall, Judy Kuhn, Michael Ball and Lea Salonga. Favourite songs: Stars, Rue Plummet - In My Life, A Heart Full of Love, One Day More!, On My Own and Drink with Me.

Now, some movie soundtracts.

Also did some write-ups, have done it quite often recently that I got a bit bored of it and have reached an "inspiration saturation" kinda level.

OK, now is time for my vitamin booster: oranges. Afterwards: sleep as tomorrow I'll need to wake up at 5.45 am again. But hey, I really enjoy walking out from home when the sun is still shyly hiding. Good way to start a new day, before the hustle and bustle starts.

I've read once that your mood of the day is largely affected by how you start your day. For me, a quiet one is always better than the hectic one. Try it!

Christmas Night

Christmas Day almost end for this year.

After my last posting, I did some scrapbooking. Only few pages though =P but managed to mess up my room with glitters and sands. And I got backache now, sitting on the floor and bending down too long I guess. I told myself, if one day I can afford a house, I will make sure it will have a table big and spacious enough for all my works. "Works" here can mean many things. From office work, painting, scrapbooking, drawing, laptop-ing, writing and other printil-printil. It is just a bit troublesome to arrange the whole thing whenever I want to do something different from the previous.

Then I cooked spaghetti for dinner. It's a "spaghetti ngutang" since some of the ingredients were "borrowed". Referring to my previous post, actually I needed to buy few things from supermarket and was just too lazy to go. But then I checked kitchen cabinets and found out that I could borrow few things from my sister to splash out my spaghetti. Unfortunately, due to my laziness to go to Shop & Save, I had to use canned corned beef instead of minced meat. But still, no instant sauce =)

After that, ate it, washed the dishes and back to scrapbooking again. Then shower, then a bit of scrapbooking and then opened my laptop and here I am.

Feel a bit sad, holiday is over. What was supposed to be a completely lazying day turned out to be a not-so-lazy day. Well, at least I cook spaghetti instead of the planned instant noodle. I did scrapbooking instead of just sitting down watching movies. Though it also means that there are some movies that I haven't watched until now since the time I bought it which means... months ago?

Oh my Goodness I just remember that actually I planned to watch my Harry Potter #1 and #2 DVDs!! Damn!! How can I completely forget it? They are still neatly cling-wrapped from.. hmm... August? Kept postponing on watching them. Well I have watched them in cinema though, but just kinda missing it.

Tomorrow morning I would have a brunch cum meeting with my friend cum partner. It's about one of "extracurricular". Well, come to think about it actually I can't really say it's a holiday, what with heaps of things to do.... I really do still have heaps of them. *suddenly sad and tired*

Well, going to sleep now, wanna have my eight hours sleep, most probably would be the last one in 2005.

Christmas... See you again next year!

Holiday... See you again.... I think it will also be next year!!


Songs post-Titi DJ: Roxette, Anne Murray, Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Songs, Evergreen Christmas Collection, Instrumental Christmas Collection.

A bit of update

So what have I been doing? For some changes, I switched my Gold90 FM Radio to CD Player, selecting one collection that I haven't listen to much recently, whose cover is attached above.

Nice voice definitely, very strong powerful and melodious. Good songs with good music. And the most "gak nyambung" part is that we share the same birth date hehehehe =D

Anyway, swept my room also. Want to see my scrapbooking materials and wanted to start doing it. Started gathering all the trinkets and also the "objects" -> photos and pictures. Have long been postponed.

As most probably I'll be doing by sitting on the floor.. hence my sweeping operation.

OK will continue staring at my scrapbooking paraphernalias...


Song: Dunia boleh tertawa... Karna kita bahagia...

Le Papillon

This is one of my favourite movies (I have not so many of them anyway). I am not sure how many of you are familiar with this movie, the French language may make this movie more foreign to you (well, it is indeed literally foreign). I always think of it as a very heartwarming movie though with no mushy scenes or even lots of tears. It just contains a very natural expression of love.

The lead cast is this girl, whose name in the movie is Elsa. The scenery depicted in the movie is simply beautiful. Breathtaking, comme un calendrier was how Elsa put it. It's like a scene borrowed from the all-time children favourite story book: Heidi.

You can't expect a lot of drama from this movie. Very simple indeed. But the prevailing simplicity is what's really appealing from this movie.

The story was just about an aged man (Julien) who was obsessed with butterflies (les papillons) and planned to find this rare-bred butterfly called Isabella (after the Queen of Spain) or Isabelle in French - sur le montagne (the mountain). Elsa, tired of waiting for and being neglected by her mom, sneaked in his car and joined his journey. Her candid innocence has brought new perspective of life to Julien as well as to the audiences (that's me).

One scene, they saw a couple who were going to do parachutting. The girl was scared, nevertheless her beau kept on insisting her to fly with him. "If you love me, fly with me". So off she flew, with tears in her eyes.

So, dear readers, if you sometimes say "if you love me then do this, bring me that, say this, give me that..." to your belle or beau, read what Julien told Elsa carefully:

"When Love demands proof, there's no trust. And when there's no trust, there's no love."

I have personally never understood why people like to say the aforementioned "If-Then" statements. It shows certain degree of insecurities I guess which is, well, unnecessary. Pardon me if I'm too cynical. Well, it's my blog anyway hence I can project whatever my perception is.

The time that Elsa's mother spent waiting frantically for her daughter to return home from her runaway, she realized the importance of the "trois petits mots" -> Je t'aime. All this while she was sure that her daughter knows how much she loves her. Those three words are enough to make Elsa stays.

Well, hmm what else to do after this? Wanted to watch another movie but frankly speaking I am bored just sitting down the whole day. After the movie, my other friend called and we talked about life, work, career, plans and future. The usual twenty-something stuffs.

Wanted to cook my special spaghetti but am too lazy to walk out to supermarket and buy some stuffs. Without any canned or bottled spaghetti sauce, thank you very much. Without even tomato sauce. Yummy. All natural ingredients. Cihuy. Hmm may be tomorrow.

Want to move and do something. OK, will let you know again later what I am end up with.

About MSN and PhD

Me being online in MSN has been an antiquity among my friends. Yesterday night I was online again without putting "busy" or "away" sign. In fact I dropped by in almost all available pages to greet Merry Christmas. Some replied earnestly hence we started the conversation. One even said that the last time I was online and available was in June. I am completely lagging in emoticon-craze and started copying some of them.

Oh, wait... I think one thing should I do to make this moment more holidayish... a nice cup of coffee.

I'm back!! With a red cuppa. Steaming hot. Asoy...

Yesterday night, I chatted with a friend in Japan. He spent only one semester in NTU then got a more prestigious scholarship in Tokyo University. Talking about my self-labeled "hot topic" recently: PhD and research. I am unsure why but just realized that that is my favourite topic with people around me recently. With my project partner, my colleagues, my supervisor at work, my ex lecturers in NTU with whom I still keep close contacts, my ex-FYP supervisor who is now in Oman (see my previous post about fish eagle robot), my parents, siblings, friends... basically everybody who want to discuss it with me.

Well, we start comparing plans and wishes. About PhD and research in Singapore, Japan and US. What are their respective pluses and minuses. About how research has now been diverted more into commercialism. How sometimes research has been abused to "satisfy" industrial demand and not hitting right to the core of research. Well, in my opinion it may create procrastination of the actual research nascency as the actual parturition process of next generation's science and technology is hindered by many glitches from industrial demand.

Competition has become "a big thing" in Japan with the implication that many research institutes just follow one direction. One pattern and one mould as they only focus the the leading research center and taking it as their "role models" without realizing that it curbed their own creativity which should be essential to the research activity itself. Do they realize that they have brought research to a saturation? What with all the potential that Japan has in its country, it is just such a pity.

Or is it true that research is no longer important and commercialism top it over?

But think about the past, research has indeed never become a rosy path for all scientists. They are condemed as "freak" until their brainchild are widely used (and praised).

Or is it because everything has been invented by our ancestors that now we are left with nothing much to do research about?

Christmas Morning

Hmm, well, it's not so morning anymore. Nearing 11 am it is. The road outside is quiet, the day is basking under the brightly-lit sunlight though not so scorchingly hot, and my favourite Gold90 FM DJ Brian Richmond is airing the best christmas classic through the sound waves, making me postponing my DVD watching as I still want to listen to them before waiting for anotheryear or so.

This morning (well, what with blogging and chatting last night) I didn't wake up as early as I usually do. It's OK though, that's why we call it a holiday, right?

I thought my SMS-ing craze has been over but this morning I received another 11 more SMS when I woke up, eventhough I felt that last night (or perhaps last subuh) I have received and sent so many, perhaps more than what I usually get in one week.

So, this morning I spent by reading and replying SMS. What with my habit to send a personal message rather than only "Merry Christmas blablabla" or just forwarding the Christmas Tree with ASCII codes, I spent quite a long time to attend to them all. Then I ate ice cream (flavour: Hazelnut from Bud's), chocolate (from Sorini - Candy Empire, Millenia Walk that my colleague gave me on Friday), read almost the whole Weekend TODAY, receive and reply some more SMS-es, showered, listened to radio, switched on my laptop and now.. writing eh typing.

Hmm.. so far so good.

Merry Christmas!!

When I start writing this, it is 8 minutes before Christmas - Singapore time or rather my laptop's time.

I have been wanting to write since I finished my shower, but - what can I do - I was busy replying and sending SMS to greet my friends in many countries a Merry Chirstmas. M1 must be very happy with all the SMS traffic during this festive season. And also Singtel and Starhub. Christmas here has become gold mines for many business sectors in Singapore (and I guess also in many parts of the world). Just look at how many malls having their midnight shopping and how crowded the human traffic has been recently in Orchard and City area.

Today, what was planned to be a lonely Christmas for me had turned out to be slightly different. I still went to a 9 pm mass in Church of Risen Christ, Toa Payoh. But I wasn't alone.

In fact, 12 of us had our simple Christmas dinner together at Swensen's!! Not a very fancy dinner I would say, but the togetherness surpassed the restaurant condition =)

For all the effort, we must thank my pretty friend who called me yesterday asking to go to a mass together. Being very frank, I told her that I was reluctant to go any further than Risen Christ and any later than 9 pm. Come to think about it, I was so selfish. When someone wanted to spend the joyous moment with me, all I did was to give her "conditions". Sorry, Cantik!!

I can't help but I am really tired recently and "panas-dingin" alias "kremeng-kremeng" for the past few weeks.

Then her answer was: "Okeh! Than I will go to Risen Christ also!"

Wow, she is not only very pretty but also has a very kind heart!! So any singles (male only!!) out there, list your name please hehehehehe =D =D =D

So we called one other friend (another pretty from Bukit Timah) and we had fixed our Christmas dinner at Crystal Jade before attending the mass.

This morning, another surprise came. The pretty #1 SMS-ed me, telling me that she wanted to ask other CHOICE retreaters to come along. Well, I just acceded to that. Never knew that the number had grown to twelve!! Like Jesus' disciples *ga nyambung*. And due to more "voices" to vote, we changed the venue to Swensen's instead.

By the way, I only knew that there were 12 of us while waiting for pretty #1 in Toa Payoh MRT. There, I just gathered all the familiar faces and assumed that they were pretty #1's invitees as she herself was slightly late. *untung bener*

Some other have waited in the restaurant so there we were, eleven of us.... then pretty #2 came after eating Ayam Balado for her dinner. She somehow always has this craving for Ayam Balado everytime she hears "Toa Payoh".

After dinner, we walked to the church. Some opted to join the midnite mass and one person joined his friends in OLPS (Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour) so we parted. The mass was very peaceful and meaningful despite the fact that the choir was not as good as I had expected, some crying children, some overly excited children and one small girl who snored!! And it was sooo loud!!

Well, perhaps that's the wonder of Christmas... despite all those disturbances and unwanted additional noises, the message is Swarovski clear in our hearts though may be not really in our ears...

On This Christmas

Well, for me, I have no plans at all.

Quite pathetic I think, what with my usual excitement and merriment that come with Christmas. As an afficionado for Christmas, having nothing Christmasy for this Christmas is just not right.

In the past three years that I spend Christmas in Singapore, I always attend a midnight mass in St. Bernadette Church without fail. In addition to that, in the last two years I even sang in the choir.

This time, a quiet mass (not midnite) in a nearby church is what I'll have. Well, it doesn't matter as the prevalence of Christmas spirit is ubiquitous, I will still get all the blessing and peace whether I am in a big church near Orchard or in Church of Risen Christ in Toa Payoh. Whether my ears are satisfied with the melodious carols from the well-known Cathedral Choir by Sir Peter Low or a not-so-known yet as nice choirs of Church of Risen Christ. Whether I attend the midnite mass (which people regard to have more "drama") or I attend the 9 pm mass.

Isn't it so?

I have many things to do recently, an endless to-do list I've always had. And will continue to have 'til at least next month. One thing comes after another, which just deprived me from having a good night sleep and deep slumber. Well, it's all my choice anyway which I can't complain.

I always have this mindset that when we are still young and healthy, we should do whatever we can and grab as many opportunities as possible.

Indubitably, it comes in the package with all the concommitant tiredness and busyness. Well, life is short. Live life while we can.

Hmmm this 25 of December, I just want to spend the whole day eating, sleeping and watching DVDs. Perhaps blogging or painting (nah, to lazy to put up and down all the paraphernalias) or sketching or drawing or listening to music...

At this point of time, they are much much much more appealing to me than parties, gathering, dining, etc.

Christmas and Chocolates

Today is last working day before Christmas.

The holiday mood is prevailing, I don't see many who are seriously working today. Me, for example, for the first time ever blogging during office hour and also sneak on getting my MSN online. I am chatting with only one person nevertheless, in case you are asking.

This morning, few colleagues wandered around and distributed chocolates. Now I have four small chocolates (bite-size), one chocolate bar and one chocolate box. Tantalizing. Whereas I didn't bring anything, in fact it didn't even cross my mind at all =P. *medit*

A friend just told me that in her office in Boston, they are having a dessert party!! Can you imagine that? They have a three-page long list of dessert menu!! *ngeces*. Uhukuhuk Jeeenn... bring me there, please! My office in a way helps funding their party. Why? Simply because we use MATLAB extensively.

Christmas is often associated with chocolates and candies and all other sweet goodies that come along with that. It makes you wish that everyday is a Christmas. Hehehe though I believe many of you are also complaining about getting bankrupt in gift-shopping.

Chocolate is to Christmas as Ketupat and Opor Ayam are to Lebaran.
All are nice!! *drooling*

So Sad...

It's nearing Christmas but I am just a bit sad of hearing things...

The flood in Northern Malaysia, know it from my colleague cum friend JN who always got the latest first-hand news from her mother. She keeps measuring how many cm more that the water will flood in the house.

Some earthquake victims.. let them have a warm Christmas

And to my brothers and sisters in Indonesia... God bless them! How can people celebrate Christmas (which is supposed to be peaceful and joyful) if the bombing threats are just... everywhere?

How?

The nearest threat is next Monday. Pray hard and be careful, folks!!

I considered myself very lucky as I have never experienced celebrating Christmas Mass with troops of soldiers standing outside the church with guns and other weapons.

Can they let us have this solemn moment in... solemnity?

I remember my final year in Santa Ursula.. What was supposed to be a "prom night" or at least graduation celebration was turned into a "prom rushing morning".

We celebrate our finish line of high school education by gathering in school hall, have some prayers and songs and speeches. Continued with deliveried McDonalds breakfast. Afterwards, all teachers (fully alert) were standing everywhere to make sure that all students left the school before 9 am.

The security was not in its pink at that time. Even during our gathering and breakfast, Sonora FM was kept loud and clear from the principal's office. Just in case there is a situation whereby we have to be evacuated from the school at the very moment.

I also remember being in the car after attending a Sunday mass on a bright morning, only to hear the news from the radio that the very church that we just left was attacked by irresponsible mass of people... When we reached home, it dawned on us that Cathedral is now heavily guarded by soldiers, and the unhappy people attacked our school instead which was just next to the old beautiful church.

So sad.. Is peace really hard to get? How expensive it is?

Let us have a peaceful Christmas please, and on all the days that follow... everywhere. Including all corners of the world.

In my dream, I met Maya Angelou...

Two days ago, I met Maya Angelou. The young Maya Angelou. When she was in her twenties.
Of course, only in my dream.

I saw her wearing a long oriental gown. Down to her ankles, with the cut up to her thighs.

I saw her tall figure. She is 6-feet tall, by the way.

Only in my dream.

When I woke up, the image was still captured, even until now.

Maya Angelou was just a name for me. Just like yours, just like mine. Who is she? This question has never really intrigued me.

Until the poem (see my previous posting) was posted in someone else's blog. And it just shot, like opium, through my vein. (Not that I've tried opium).

The next saturday, I went out to Borders, searching for her well-acclaimed autobiography. Found it, bought it and have never regretted the money spent, which has actually brought me to another world.

The one I have is the collected autobiography, inclusive of the one that has brought her to the apotheosis in literacy: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

I have read only half-way through, and I have half understood the depth of each words which she harmonized in "Still I Rise". EACH word.

You may think a poem is just a poem, before you know the heart and soul that have breathed air of life into those words.

I was engrossed in the reading, and was overwhelmed. While I read it:
My skin colour changed. It is black. It is gloden brown. It's not the Asian yellow skin colour.
My hair curled up. No longer the sleek and silky straight.
My height changed. No longer 5'6'' but it is now 6'.
I have a son. A gorgeous one. His name is Clyde, but I like to call him Guy.
My mother is the most elegant black woman in the century. Her name is Vivian Baxter.

I feel like I am her. She has this special way of alluring you into her life story. The words that really tell.

I always think that what I've read so far is all that can possibly happen in one's life. Nonetheless, I haven't even reached half the book yet (almost). What will happen next?

It seems to me that up to this point (the point which I've read -> when she was just about to join the Porgy and Bess team to tour around Europe), she has flied to the moon and back.

And I believe, she still has few more trips. If not a lot.

Let me just continue following her in her trips.

Still I Rise

A lovely poem, by MAYA ANGELOU

STILL I RISE


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies
You may trod me in the very dirt,
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing gigh,
Still I'll rise

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard.
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes.
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise?
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise

Malu aku malu...

Malu aku malu...
Pada semut merah
Yang berbaris di dinding
Menatapku curiga
Seakan dia bertanya
Sedang apa di sana?

Ada yang inget lagu lawas ini? Walau ga tau siapa yang nyanyi atau nyiptain dan dari jaman taun berapa, tapi lirik dan melodinya masih nempel di kepala.

Apa pasal? (eh ini Malay apa Indo sih?)

Karena, hari ini, pagi-pagi gua udah kena "Malu Attack"... untung tiada yang melihat. *ihiks malu*

Dan untung orang yang membuat saya malu ada nun jauh di Oman sana... =D (Middle East)

Jadi ceritanya gini, yang di Oman itu seorang British yang mudanya pasti ganteng tapi sekarang udah punya cucu, seorang professor bekas supervisor buat Final Year Project gua di NTU.
Kita berdua kompak and klop banget sampe temen-temen gua pada bilang kalo dia belum mantu gua bisa diangkat mantu (ga nolak... ga nolak... soalnya pengen punya anak bule sih *uhuk* dan pengen tinggal di negara bule *ihik* dan anaknya memang pinter dan mirip David Beckham *aduh* tapi, itu dulu... sekarang, hmm beda lah *ehem*).

Nah kita nih bak sepasang remaja yang sedang berteman, masih aja e-mail e-mailan. Can talk about life, family, travel, job dan satu topik favorite dia yang dulu sempat mempersatukan aku dan dia, robot.

Dia termasuk "barang antik" di school gua dulu dengan hobbynya bikin robot. Beetle, centripede, bat robots and upon my graduation he already planned to develop a swimming robot who can recognize sounds and can see (whose vision system was developed by -- jejeeeengg...-- me *my only glory*). And jangan salah, robotnya ada jantan dan betina. He said he makes the female beetle sexier than the male one (sumpah mati gua bilang sih ga sexy).

Naaaaahhhhh tiba-tiba, dia kasi tau gua kalo dia ganti e-mail address nya... pokoknya ada hubungannya sama fish eagle (ga bakal gua kasi tau emailnya apaan in case ntar pada ngaduin ke dia).

Walamakjan, semangat duonk gua tanya-tanya... apa mau integrate flying and swimming robots (his last projects before leaving NTU to Middle East)? Gua sempet bilang pula "wanna build a level higher than amphibious robot?" *yang pada akhirnya akan mempermalukan gua sampe ke lubuk hati yang paling dalem, masi gali lagi beberapa lantai di bawahnya*.

Sorry la, gua baca itu udah mau jam tidur gua, dan gua lupa kalo gua ngobrol sama seorang profesor yang botak tapi tanpa kacamata.

wealaaah tau gak tadi balesannya isinya apa? BTW untung tadi gua dateng kantor pagi pisan, 7.30 to be exact gara-gara ga bisa tidur juga karena semalam MATLAB gua crashed, jadi pas gua tersipu-sipu malu ga ada yang liat.

Dia menjelaskan kalau fish eagle itu a special breed of eagle (burung, bukan sepatu) yang makan ikan gede. Punya berat sekian, wing span nya sekian, mechanism of flapping wing seperti apa, kecepatan sekian, profile talon nya begimana, 'modus operandi' seperti begitu ketika menyikat ikannya, bisa ngambil ikan dengan berat maksimal sekian blablabla lengkap dengan berasal dari mana, ditemukan di mana blablabla....

All in all, dia bilang itu subject paling mantap untuk life behavioral study as a background review for a robot development.

Malu juga, man. Kalo lu jadi gua, malu gak? Well, at least today I got a bit of Biology lesson from a professor out there.

Perhaps Love

This is the song lyrics, for the advantage of those who don't know or are not familiar with the song.

I think the lyrics are beautiful and deep, what say you?

Perhaps Love
written by: John Denver

(Placido Domingo)
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

(John Denver)
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

(Placido Domingo)
Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel

(John Denver)
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go

(John Denver)
And some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know

(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it`s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

When I Tried to Describe Love...

I was talking (or rather, asking) about ‘beauty’ in my previous post. I think it is almost as abstract (or as abstract?) as love. Trying to formulate their definitions would be an abortive act.

Last year, I dwelt in the profoundness of love, trying to fathom and was trapped in its subtlety. There was nothing personal in experiencing this, as it was part of my duty as the scriptwriter for a musical, Perhaps Love (whose title was suggested by no other than myself, inspired from a song rendered by the magnificent duet of John Denver, also the writer, and Placido Domingo).

The song offers the sundry dimensions of love, subsuming all kind of its possibilities. There is no clear definition of it.

Two months was dedicated to write the closing song’s lyrics as it was revised, revised and revised many times. It is conclusive and yet not deductive as syllogism doesn’t apply here. There is no logic for love, or so I think.

Inspiration was sought after in library, café, church, my bedroom. At the breaking of dawn, morning, afternoon, night until another breaking of dawn. If you see “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran standing quietly and handsomely in my book shelf, it was bought solely for this purpose. My dear friend Montje helped me a lot by borrowing few books of classical poetry from Romanticism and other eras. She also helped me browsing to give us some inspiration. However, the song only came into maturity and a full embodiment after another friend composed a very beautiful music for the lifeless lyrics, one of my favorite music now it has become. All are for the soul of the following:


QUESTIONS OF LIFE

Lyric by: Rhea Patricia Liem and Monique Martina.
Music composed by: Sean Lim
Sung by: All.

Bharata:
I never knew what love is
My heart is still questioning
I thought it’s enough by expressing
Why it comes to this?

It’s way too late
I didn’t do it right
Is there a reason to regret?
This love I have inside

Randall:
So many times
I hear the people say
That love will come your way
In its own time and day

Chia Ling:
Life is a riddle that exists
Is love the guide or the answer
Once it comes everything will cease
Your life will be brighter

Bharata:
It’s beyond my control
Should I ever give in my soul?
My wounds who would console?
Or is it destiny’s call?

Matchmaker:
Love is determined by the heaven
As been told eons ago
Once it’s written it is written
Wherever you go, it follows

Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
It makes you alive but it may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head

But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say

Bharata:
Love…
Is the deepest question of life
As sweet as a rose
but the thorns will tear you apart
It blows in a quiet prose
but the silent whispers will tear your heart
Oh, why…?

Randall and Chia Ling:
Love is knowing without how or why

Dr and Mrs Chen:
But can’t you see love doesn’t come free

Mr and Mrs Wong:
It needs time it needs effort
Sacrifice and understanding
But strength it may bring forth
Source of joy and living

Randall/Chia Ling:
Yes the joy it brings worth above all things

Dr and Mrs Chen:
I’ve learnt that love is all about caring

Bharata:
It’s about surrender
You can afford love if you can afford longing
When you love someone so tender
All you get is giving

Dr Chen:
Loving someone is a gift
Embrace it and don’t let it drift

Matchmaker:
Love is resurrection
Destiny rewritten and relived

Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
I makes you alive but iy may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head

But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say
That’s all we have to say

What is Beauty?

Many people are attracted to beauty.

I am. Are you?

It can be of something which is either conspicuous or covert.

But what is beauty? I would love to hear what you say. Comments are expected in themotherofzeus@gmail.com , you can also send some clandestine comments to me/my blog here (perhaps you're too shy to publicize your comment... =P).

I want not to define beauty, but I would like to be able to describe it.

I'm waiting!! (Hopefully I would get some responses... fingers crossed)

Independent Fingers

When I muse in my blog, I (almost) always planned to make it short and sweet.

Nonetheless, when my fingers start typing, they seemingly can't be parted from the keyboard, my laptop's is one that they love most.

From there, the words just proliferate.
Beranak-pinak.

Is it too much if I regard my fingers as independent being? As they always type as they wish....

So that's why you see my postings are relatively longer than others'.

Don't blame me, blame my independent fingers.

PS: My independent fingers have helped me exorbitantly in my NTU exams. Perhaps they feel that idling is a sin. So on those exam books they will just write nonstop (may contain some rubbish though).

Short Circuit

This is what will happen if you attempt to do software algorithm work with no relevant background. You will experience short-circuit. Not in your system or computer, but in your brain.

So think twice if you decide to choose that path.

My friends were surprised when I got this software-related job in a Research Institute.

My colleagues were surprised when they found out that I graduated from School of Mechanical and Production Engineering instead of School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering or School of Computer Engineer as they expected (and as how it should be). I always reasoned that I am from Mechatronics specialization which gives us knowledge in mechanical, electrical and computer (wide yet shallow - this is how I put it).

My supervisor is busy.

My poor partner (as he got me as a project mate) is busy.

My programming knowledge in C is OK.

In C++ NIL (luckily we don't use it much).

In Mex Program (MATLAB) NIL.

My program is small but in these three days I tried to debug the whole system (an unfamiliar land for me). One finding (i.e. a bright light) is a clue for another investigation. On and on 'til for an unknown period, it is one investigation after another.

And now: short circuit. My brain just reached its perigee. At almost 2 hours ago, I started to try reading a paper in order to understand one program (whose programmer I don't know) to help my debugging. Nonetheless, my brain refuses to compromise. The words are just meaningless, well, words.

Easy?

Not for me.

Oh TIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK....
*jeduk-jeduk kepala di tembok*

But i still prefer this than my previous "purely-mechanical engineering" job. And for only-God-knows reason, my supervisor was convinced that the best job for me is software algorithm development (with the concomitant debugging) upon my interview. I don't understand why? But I was glad he thinks that way as slowly but sure I want to leave mechanical engineering. *Finger crossed*

PS: As I am the only one non-PhD holder in this project (and another guy who has just finished his M.Eng in this area), perhaps they will regret hiring a Bachelor-holder. Ha! Sorry, folks.

Christmas is Coming

I always love Christmas. Even before I was baptized Catholic (in 1991). Alas, until now I always celebrate Christmas in summer. It means that snow, sleigh ride, chestnut roasting on an open fire, snowman, White Christmas and Winter Wonderland are just in the carols.

Being born from non-Catholic parents also mean that log cakes, Christmas pudding, turkey, fruit cakes, ham, cranberry sauce did not present in my childhood during the festive season. They are only in my Christmas storybooks and movies. I remember one time I asked my mom to buy mistletoe to be hung on my bedroom’s door. Nonetheless, it looked dull without the concomitant ornaments.

It goes without saying that I always love Christmas songs. The “always” works literally. December or July, I can have Christmas tunes to satisfy my audio senses. My friend used to tease me that I have “wrong-season syndrome”.

I used to have heaps of Christmas audio-cassettes at home (and now surely I have to change them with CDs). My favorites are always those sung with choirs. It brings the solemnity through the slow soft tunes it carries. It is the closest to Cathedral from home.

I liked to watch Christmas movies, especially those family movies. It may sound rather childish and placid but I used to watch Home Alone. Not that I was captivated by the story or Macaulay Culkin, but I really savor all the Christmas moments nicely delineated by the director. I don’t need to fly over to US to know about Rockefeller Center.

The best parts of children storybooks (e.g. Enid Blyton) are those when the family or school is celebrating the joyous noel. Especially when they explain about the food, hmmm…. Including those in Harry Potter series.

Each year I bought stacks of Christmas Cards, I even collected some collectable and artistic one, or those with nice wordings. In my high school, I used to design and create my own cards but now, I just have no time (a very polite way to cache laziness?).

My preferred Christmas songs also depend on my age. Cheerful songs attract me more when I was younger. Entering the adolescent stage, Last Christmas by W.H.A.M, Christmas Time by Backstreet Boys and Mariah Carey’s collection appealed to me. Two years ago I love “All I Want for Christmas is You” sang by Olivia Olson for “Love Actually”, one of my favorite movie (is it because it is about Christmas?). Last year I dislike (disclaimer: only temporarily) “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” for the very high tunes that soprano needs to sing in the choir. I always love “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono, and “The Christmas Song (Chestnut Roasting”. The first one is also very deep in meaning.

And now, Christmas is coming!!

When I sauntered along Orchard Road and City Hall area, shopping malls and hotels have started propping up their big Christmas trees. Not long for now, I bet Orchard Road will be lit up. I wonder what the colors theme they will employ for this year.

Christmas albums from Vienna Boys’ Choir and Mormon Tabernacle Choir start visiting my ears again.

Ironically, on Christmas Eve I avoid being in public place (except church – preferably Midnight Mass), although they have colorful Christmas celebration and tunes. You know why? Because they just spoil the tranquility and holiness of Christmas (the day when Baby Jesus was born loooong time ago). I am NOT against any Christmas Parties, but just take a look at Orchard Road on Christmas Eve and you know what I mean. I just feel that it is not the right atmosphere. What say you?

Christmas is red and green…
… sometimes with golden sprinkles….
Christmas is blue and silver…
Christmas is WHITE… It is still my dream to have a White Christmas and a table-full of Christmas turkeys, cakes, puddings, etc etc etc who frantically invite me to savor them….
And who knows Rudolph with just pass by with Father Christmas…

Darts in the Dark

Sometimes in life, we need to throw some darts in the dark. When all is just right, we might hit the target perfectly and nicely.

These are the times when we need both luck and deftness.

We might try our best to position ourselves accurately, even to calculate the projectile angle. We can make our best surmise about the trajectory distance and even the necessary force to be exerted.

Nonetheless, a complete darkness is where we are in. However best our preparation may be, obscurity is still the default situation. There is nothing we can do about that limitation.

Using probability theory, we may as well try to throw as many darts as possible to get a higher chance of an accurate aiming. Alas, remember the occasional paucity of the darts.

At times, we need to wait for the Lady Luck to sprinkle her benign dusts. Or if the Fortune Goddess is really with us, someone may come with his flickering candle or even flaming torch….

C’est la vie, mes amis. Just hope and do the best, I guess.

My CHARIC...

CHARIC is not an alien language, it does not come from Timbuktu or Dayak or Madura, and not an aboriginal either.

CHARIC stands for the initial of six people’s first names, with me included. The other five are my dearest friends, who are now living different life paths. There are three guys and three girls, with no in-Charic relationship whatsoever.

We have a very minimum frequency of meeting up, yet we are still very close and we have never lost our bonding. We are very grateful to the technology of internet, which makes it possible to still update each other with what life has offered us until now.

Way back in October 2002 was when we were first formed. Actually, I had known all of them by then.

Let start from the guys.
The first C – he was my NTU friend, we both studied in School of Mechanical and Production Engineering, though we opted different specialization. He is my relatives’ neighbor in Jakarta. He knows my twin cousins better than I do. Watch out, he is a taekwondo champion.

H – A renown businessman, though he studied Material Engineering in NTU. He liked to conduct a cooking session in his room with his fellow hall-mates and some migratory ones like me. Don’t be amazed yet, sometimes cooking may mean steamboat in a rice cooker. We enjoyed the session, though. Psst, we all speculated that he will be the first among us to tie the knot.

A – In our first Get Together Day (Freshmen Orientation Program for Indonesian students in NTU), A and I were placed in one group. That’s where our friendship started. He is the most matured among us, and we simply call him “Mbah” which refers to a well-respected Sage. He is whom we look for to get advices and input and… erm, some palmistry as well. Nowadays, it is difficult to ask him joining our gathering as he often commute between Indonesia and Singapore for erm, future-being.

And now the girls.
R – I have known here since she had the size of 50 cm and 3.05 kg, simply because it is me.

I – Our most-talented. An avid thespian artist, all her works; poetry, scriptwriting, acting, theatrical make up artist, singing will invite many thumbs-up. A typical career woman, she is always the most dynamic (and chic) among us. Despite her busyness, at most of the times she will be the one to trigger our outing or gathering. I also played a role in egging her very famous nickname, I** when we were classmates in 1-3, SMU Santa Ursula, Jakarta.

C – our youngest but not the least. She is famous for her melodious voice, smartness and her shopping-spree hobby. I’ve known her even before she was accepted in NTU. One day with my sore eyes, I was called by the directress of NTU’s International Students Unit to meet her. She was very surprised that we remain connected and even became close friends. We have different circle of friends at school but we worked in same committee before. And we used to talk just like sisters. With her promising career, she is now a high-flyer.

(I suddenly feel like writing Friendster’s testimonials)

Though I had known all of them, some of them were still foreign to each other. Fate had brought us to attend a 3-days 2-nights Indonesian Catholic retreat. And after that, we are bound. Then, the mailing list was formed after we all agreed to name our dear group as CHARIC.

Blame our busyness, which are all very different from each other, a complete gathering has become a very rare occurrence. The last time was in NTU’s hall 14, when we ate pecel with a jumbled mix of food, including yong tau fu’s stuffs. Ha!! The pecel “dressing” freshly came from Ponorogo, sluuurrpp!!!

That was already more than two years ago. Since then, our best gatherings are virtuals, through our yahoogroup. Sometimes four or five of us are still determined to meet, though we still long for a complete gathering.

Why does CHARIC have a special place in my heart (and I believe in other’s heart as well)?

We have literally grown together, especially while entering our quarter-life crisis. When we started, we were all students plus one very-fresh graduate. Now, some of us have even job-hopped, changed career direction, obtained a Master degree, etc.

For us, CHARIC is a place to share our confusion, struggle and restlessness to find the correct direction. Though we take six different directions, but we are all journeying through one thing called LIFE.

We discussed about NTU exams, and now about the real exams in going through life.
It was Final Year Project, and now it is our endless works.
It was boy-girl relationship, and not it is man-woman relationship.

We shared in many forms; the luckier ones can share in forms of poems, whereas others are satisfied with simple sharing and questions.

Do we really expect an answer for every question that we throw? Not really, as none of us is an expert in life, none has gone through the life-phase that we are going through. We are all still in learning process.

So what do we get when we send an e-mail, even a short one? Firstly is definitely an encouragement. Continued by sharing, which becomes the essence as from there we try to grapple some clues which may lead us to the answer.

Hence, at least for me, CHARIC has somewhat become my learning ground and holding grip. As we stagger forward, we always try to help each other, which in a way will also help us.

Last Wednesday (2 November 2005) we insisted to meet up although only four members could confirm their attendance. So we met up at 11.15 pm at McCafe around Orchard. Though we are tired and sleepy, we still value this rare opportunity highly. We stayed until 2 am with a lot of trafficking discussion in between.

Folks, I am still waiting for our complete CHARIC gathering…

Wish you all the best always in whatever path you are taking.

Sincerely dedicated to: My CHARIC. Thank you for all that we have had!!

The Sublimity of Young Voices

Wow, are they real? That was my first impression when the soft tune of Veni Creator Spiritus filled up Esplanade Concert Hall at the eve of Hari Raya (Idul Fitri), 2 November 2005.

Minutes before, it was a mundane voice and now, the celestial one. After silence fell in the air following the announcement at the beginning of the concert; please switch off your hand phones and pagers, no photography and recording are allowed… suddenly the august (not refer to the eighth month of the year though) harmony of boys of 10-14 years of age’s voices suffused the hall and prevailed in our audio senses.

Wow, I couldn’t really believe that the widely renown Vienna Boys Choir are just meters away from me. And the fact that their angelic (not an overstatement here) voices are real, was just… unreal.

As a matter of fact, I am not a choral person, even to expect me to hum along with the famous choir is illegal. Among the 26++ (the ‘++’ refers to those songs performed upon “encore” request) songs in the concert, I could only catch one phrase: Mo Li Hua (Jasmine Flower), a Chinese song that they sung before concluding the concert (only because one character of my seldom-used Chinese name was taken from that). Apparently, none of the songs was in English. Majority was in Germany, as they came from Austria. Some songs are from India, Uzbekistan, Pakistan, India (complete with Indian Percussion), Hungary, China (complete with the flutes), Austrian Folk Songs with some boys dressed in their traditional outfits and performed some traditional dancing. There was a violin player also. Nonetheless, my linguistic limitation was no barrier to enjoy the performance. All in all, it was really impressive, magnificent.

When the time for solo performance comes, you would be even more surprised by the power that they hide in their boyish and rather-small figures; their voices could easily filled up the vast concert hall. The main soprano was also very handsome, ouuuwwww…. My prime location in Balcony A gave me the advantage of having a good angle to watch him singing.

They have different timbre in their voices. Different intensity as well. But when they sang as one, they literally sang as one. Very clean and crystal-clear voice, and nobody (even the main soprano or alto – not tenor and bass yet as they are still boys) tried to outperform other voices.

But boys are boys. They were very relaxed when singing. Some even sneezed and coughed. Some smirked to each other during the interval. But it didn’t attenuate the quality of the concert. Perhaps for them, singing is as normal as breathing….