Two days ago, I met Maya Angelou. The young Maya Angelou. When she was in her twenties.
Of course, only in my dream.
I saw her wearing a long oriental gown. Down to her ankles, with the cut up to her thighs.
I saw her tall figure. She is 6-feet tall, by the way.
Only in my dream.
When I woke up, the image was still captured, even until now.
Maya Angelou was just a name for me. Just like yours, just like mine. Who is she? This question has never really intrigued me.
Until the poem (see my previous posting) was posted in someone else's blog. And it just shot, like opium, through my vein. (Not that I've tried opium).
The next saturday, I went out to Borders, searching for her well-acclaimed autobiography. Found it, bought it and have never regretted the money spent, which has actually brought me to another world.
The one I have is the collected autobiography, inclusive of the one that has brought her to the apotheosis in literacy: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.
I have read only half-way through, and I have half understood the depth of each words which she harmonized in "Still I Rise". EACH word.
You may think a poem is just a poem, before you know the heart and soul that have breathed air of life into those words.
I was engrossed in the reading, and was overwhelmed. While I read it:
My skin colour changed. It is black. It is gloden brown. It's not the Asian yellow skin colour.
My hair curled up. No longer the sleek and silky straight.
My height changed. No longer 5'6'' but it is now 6'.
I have a son. A gorgeous one. His name is Clyde, but I like to call him Guy.
My mother is the most elegant black woman in the century. Her name is Vivian Baxter.
I feel like I am her. She has this special way of alluring you into her life story. The words that really tell.
I always think that what I've read so far is all that can possibly happen in one's life. Nonetheless, I haven't even reached half the book yet (almost). What will happen next?
It seems to me that up to this point (the point which I've read -> when she was just about to join the Porgy and Bess team to tour around Europe), she has flied to the moon and back.
And I believe, she still has few more trips. If not a lot.
Let me just continue following her in her trips.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Still I Rise
A lovely poem, by MAYA ANGELOU
STILL I RISE
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies
You may trod me in the very dirt,
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing gigh,
Still I'll rise
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard.
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes.
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise?
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise
STILL I RISE
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies
You may trod me in the very dirt,
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing gigh,
Still I'll rise
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard.
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes.
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise?
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Malu aku malu...
Malu aku malu...
Pada semut merah
Yang berbaris di dinding
Menatapku curiga
Seakan dia bertanya
Sedang apa di sana?
Ada yang inget lagu lawas ini? Walau ga tau siapa yang nyanyi atau nyiptain dan dari jaman taun berapa, tapi lirik dan melodinya masih nempel di kepala.
Apa pasal? (eh ini Malay apa Indo sih?)
Karena, hari ini, pagi-pagi gua udah kena "Malu Attack"... untung tiada yang melihat. *ihiks malu*
Dan untung orang yang membuat saya malu ada nun jauh di Oman sana... =D (Middle East)
Jadi ceritanya gini, yang di Oman itu seorang British yang mudanya pasti ganteng tapi sekarang udah punya cucu, seorang professor bekas supervisor buat Final Year Project gua di NTU.
Kita berdua kompak and klop banget sampe temen-temen gua pada bilang kalo dia belum mantu gua bisa diangkat mantu (ga nolak... ga nolak... soalnya pengen punya anak bule sih *uhuk* dan pengen tinggal di negara bule *ihik* dan anaknya memang pinter dan mirip David Beckham *aduh* tapi, itu dulu... sekarang, hmm beda lah *ehem*).
Nah kita nih bak sepasang remaja yang sedang berteman, masih aja e-mail e-mailan. Can talk about life, family, travel, job dan satu topik favorite dia yang dulu sempat mempersatukan aku dan dia, robot.
Dia termasuk "barang antik" di school gua dulu dengan hobbynya bikin robot. Beetle, centripede, bat robots and upon my graduation he already planned to develop a swimming robot who can recognize sounds and can see (whose vision system was developed by -- jejeeeengg...-- me *my only glory*). And jangan salah, robotnya ada jantan dan betina. He said he makes the female beetle sexier than the male one (sumpah mati gua bilang sih ga sexy).
Naaaaahhhhh tiba-tiba, dia kasi tau gua kalo dia ganti e-mail address nya... pokoknya ada hubungannya sama fish eagle (ga bakal gua kasi tau emailnya apaan in case ntar pada ngaduin ke dia).
Walamakjan, semangat duonk gua tanya-tanya... apa mau integrate flying and swimming robots (his last projects before leaving NTU to Middle East)? Gua sempet bilang pula "wanna build a level higher than amphibious robot?" *yang pada akhirnya akan mempermalukan gua sampe ke lubuk hati yang paling dalem, masi gali lagi beberapa lantai di bawahnya*.
Sorry la, gua baca itu udah mau jam tidur gua, dan gua lupa kalo gua ngobrol sama seorang profesor yang botak tapi tanpa kacamata.
wealaaah tau gak tadi balesannya isinya apa? BTW untung tadi gua dateng kantor pagi pisan, 7.30 to be exact gara-gara ga bisa tidur juga karena semalam MATLAB gua crashed, jadi pas gua tersipu-sipu malu ga ada yang liat.
Dia menjelaskan kalau fish eagle itu a special breed of eagle (burung, bukan sepatu) yang makan ikan gede. Punya berat sekian, wing span nya sekian, mechanism of flapping wing seperti apa, kecepatan sekian, profile talon nya begimana, 'modus operandi' seperti begitu ketika menyikat ikannya, bisa ngambil ikan dengan berat maksimal sekian blablabla lengkap dengan berasal dari mana, ditemukan di mana blablabla....
All in all, dia bilang itu subject paling mantap untuk life behavioral study as a background review for a robot development.
Malu juga, man. Kalo lu jadi gua, malu gak? Well, at least today I got a bit of Biology lesson from a professor out there.
Pada semut merah
Yang berbaris di dinding
Menatapku curiga
Seakan dia bertanya
Sedang apa di sana?
Ada yang inget lagu lawas ini? Walau ga tau siapa yang nyanyi atau nyiptain dan dari jaman taun berapa, tapi lirik dan melodinya masih nempel di kepala.
Apa pasal? (eh ini Malay apa Indo sih?)
Karena, hari ini, pagi-pagi gua udah kena "Malu Attack"... untung tiada yang melihat. *ihiks malu*
Dan untung orang yang membuat saya malu ada nun jauh di Oman sana... =D (Middle East)
Jadi ceritanya gini, yang di Oman itu seorang British yang mudanya pasti ganteng tapi sekarang udah punya cucu, seorang professor bekas supervisor buat Final Year Project gua di NTU.
Kita berdua kompak and klop banget sampe temen-temen gua pada bilang kalo dia belum mantu gua bisa diangkat mantu (ga nolak... ga nolak... soalnya pengen punya anak bule sih *uhuk* dan pengen tinggal di negara bule *ihik* dan anaknya memang pinter dan mirip David Beckham *aduh* tapi, itu dulu... sekarang, hmm beda lah *ehem*).
Nah kita nih bak sepasang remaja yang sedang berteman, masih aja e-mail e-mailan. Can talk about life, family, travel, job dan satu topik favorite dia yang dulu sempat mempersatukan aku dan dia, robot.
Dia termasuk "barang antik" di school gua dulu dengan hobbynya bikin robot. Beetle, centripede, bat robots and upon my graduation he already planned to develop a swimming robot who can recognize sounds and can see (whose vision system was developed by -- jejeeeengg...-- me *my only glory*). And jangan salah, robotnya ada jantan dan betina. He said he makes the female beetle sexier than the male one (sumpah mati gua bilang sih ga sexy).
Naaaaahhhhh tiba-tiba, dia kasi tau gua kalo dia ganti e-mail address nya... pokoknya ada hubungannya sama fish eagle (ga bakal gua kasi tau emailnya apaan in case ntar pada ngaduin ke dia).
Walamakjan, semangat duonk gua tanya-tanya... apa mau integrate flying and swimming robots (his last projects before leaving NTU to Middle East)? Gua sempet bilang pula "wanna build a level higher than amphibious robot?" *yang pada akhirnya akan mempermalukan gua sampe ke lubuk hati yang paling dalem, masi gali lagi beberapa lantai di bawahnya*.
Sorry la, gua baca itu udah mau jam tidur gua, dan gua lupa kalo gua ngobrol sama seorang profesor yang botak tapi tanpa kacamata.
wealaaah tau gak tadi balesannya isinya apa? BTW untung tadi gua dateng kantor pagi pisan, 7.30 to be exact gara-gara ga bisa tidur juga karena semalam MATLAB gua crashed, jadi pas gua tersipu-sipu malu ga ada yang liat.
Dia menjelaskan kalau fish eagle itu a special breed of eagle (burung, bukan sepatu) yang makan ikan gede. Punya berat sekian, wing span nya sekian, mechanism of flapping wing seperti apa, kecepatan sekian, profile talon nya begimana, 'modus operandi' seperti begitu ketika menyikat ikannya, bisa ngambil ikan dengan berat maksimal sekian blablabla lengkap dengan berasal dari mana, ditemukan di mana blablabla....
All in all, dia bilang itu subject paling mantap untuk life behavioral study as a background review for a robot development.
Malu juga, man. Kalo lu jadi gua, malu gak? Well, at least today I got a bit of Biology lesson from a professor out there.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Perhaps Love
This is the song lyrics, for the advantage of those who don't know or are not familiar with the song.
I think the lyrics are beautiful and deep, what say you?
Perhaps Love
written by: John Denver
(Placido Domingo)
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
(John Denver)
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
(Placido Domingo)
Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
(John Denver)
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
(John Denver)
And some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know
(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it`s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
I think the lyrics are beautiful and deep, what say you?
Perhaps Love
written by: John Denver
(Placido Domingo)
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
(John Denver)
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
(Placido Domingo)
Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
(John Denver)
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know
(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
(Placido Domingo)
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
(John Denver)
And some say love is everything
And some say they don`t know
(John starts joined by Placido)
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it`s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
When I Tried to Describe Love...
I was talking (or rather, asking) about ‘beauty’ in my previous post. I think it is almost as abstract (or as abstract?) as love. Trying to formulate their definitions would be an abortive act.
Last year, I dwelt in the profoundness of love, trying to fathom and was trapped in its subtlety. There was nothing personal in experiencing this, as it was part of my duty as the scriptwriter for a musical, Perhaps Love (whose title was suggested by no other than myself, inspired from a song rendered by the magnificent duet of John Denver, also the writer, and Placido Domingo).
The song offers the sundry dimensions of love, subsuming all kind of its possibilities. There is no clear definition of it.
Two months was dedicated to write the closing song’s lyrics as it was revised, revised and revised many times. It is conclusive and yet not deductive as syllogism doesn’t apply here. There is no logic for love, or so I think.
Inspiration was sought after in library, café, church, my bedroom. At the breaking of dawn, morning, afternoon, night until another breaking of dawn. If you see “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran standing quietly and handsomely in my book shelf, it was bought solely for this purpose. My dear friend Montje helped me a lot by borrowing few books of classical poetry from Romanticism and other eras. She also helped me browsing to give us some inspiration. However, the song only came into maturity and a full embodiment after another friend composed a very beautiful music for the lifeless lyrics, one of my favorite music now it has become. All are for the soul of the following:
QUESTIONS OF LIFE
Lyric by: Rhea Patricia Liem and Monique Martina.
Music composed by: Sean Lim
Sung by: All.
Bharata:
I never knew what love is
My heart is still questioning
I thought it’s enough by expressing
Why it comes to this?
It’s way too late
I didn’t do it right
Is there a reason to regret?
This love I have inside
Randall:
So many times
I hear the people say
That love will come your way
In its own time and day
Chia Ling:
Life is a riddle that exists
Is love the guide or the answer
Once it comes everything will cease
Your life will be brighter
Bharata:
It’s beyond my control
Should I ever give in my soul?
My wounds who would console?
Or is it destiny’s call?
Matchmaker:
Love is determined by the heaven
As been told eons ago
Once it’s written it is written
Wherever you go, it follows
Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
It makes you alive but it may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head
But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say
Bharata:
Love…
Is the deepest question of life
As sweet as a rose
but the thorns will tear you apart
It blows in a quiet prose
but the silent whispers will tear your heart
Oh, why…?
Randall and Chia Ling:
Love is knowing without how or why
Dr and Mrs Chen:
But can’t you see love doesn’t come free
Mr and Mrs Wong:
It needs time it needs effort
Sacrifice and understanding
But strength it may bring forth
Source of joy and living
Randall/Chia Ling:
Yes the joy it brings worth above all things
Dr and Mrs Chen:
I’ve learnt that love is all about caring
Bharata:
It’s about surrender
You can afford love if you can afford longing
When you love someone so tender
All you get is giving
Dr Chen:
Loving someone is a gift
Embrace it and don’t let it drift
Matchmaker:
Love is resurrection
Destiny rewritten and relived
Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
I makes you alive but iy may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head
But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say
That’s all we have to say
Last year, I dwelt in the profoundness of love, trying to fathom and was trapped in its subtlety. There was nothing personal in experiencing this, as it was part of my duty as the scriptwriter for a musical, Perhaps Love (whose title was suggested by no other than myself, inspired from a song rendered by the magnificent duet of John Denver, also the writer, and Placido Domingo).
The song offers the sundry dimensions of love, subsuming all kind of its possibilities. There is no clear definition of it.
Two months was dedicated to write the closing song’s lyrics as it was revised, revised and revised many times. It is conclusive and yet not deductive as syllogism doesn’t apply here. There is no logic for love, or so I think.
Inspiration was sought after in library, café, church, my bedroom. At the breaking of dawn, morning, afternoon, night until another breaking of dawn. If you see “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran standing quietly and handsomely in my book shelf, it was bought solely for this purpose. My dear friend Montje helped me a lot by borrowing few books of classical poetry from Romanticism and other eras. She also helped me browsing to give us some inspiration. However, the song only came into maturity and a full embodiment after another friend composed a very beautiful music for the lifeless lyrics, one of my favorite music now it has become. All are for the soul of the following:
QUESTIONS OF LIFE
Lyric by: Rhea Patricia Liem and Monique Martina.
Music composed by: Sean Lim
Sung by: All.
Bharata:
I never knew what love is
My heart is still questioning
I thought it’s enough by expressing
Why it comes to this?
It’s way too late
I didn’t do it right
Is there a reason to regret?
This love I have inside
Randall:
So many times
I hear the people say
That love will come your way
In its own time and day
Chia Ling:
Life is a riddle that exists
Is love the guide or the answer
Once it comes everything will cease
Your life will be brighter
Bharata:
It’s beyond my control
Should I ever give in my soul?
My wounds who would console?
Or is it destiny’s call?
Matchmaker:
Love is determined by the heaven
As been told eons ago
Once it’s written it is written
Wherever you go, it follows
Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
It makes you alive but it may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head
But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say
Bharata:
Love…
Is the deepest question of life
As sweet as a rose
but the thorns will tear you apart
It blows in a quiet prose
but the silent whispers will tear your heart
Oh, why…?
Randall and Chia Ling:
Love is knowing without how or why
Dr and Mrs Chen:
But can’t you see love doesn’t come free
Mr and Mrs Wong:
It needs time it needs effort
Sacrifice and understanding
But strength it may bring forth
Source of joy and living
Randall/Chia Ling:
Yes the joy it brings worth above all things
Dr and Mrs Chen:
I’ve learnt that love is all about caring
Bharata:
It’s about surrender
You can afford love if you can afford longing
When you love someone so tender
All you get is giving
Dr Chen:
Loving someone is a gift
Embrace it and don’t let it drift
Matchmaker:
Love is resurrection
Destiny rewritten and relived
Together:
There is one thing we call love
The greatest mystery revealed
Some say it hurts but more it heals
I makes you alive but iy may also kill
It is the reason to cry
And laughter it might bring forth
It is the only reason
Your heart fights with your head
But hold on to it
You will know when it arrives
Love is God we obey and pray
That’s all we have to say
That’s all we have to say
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
What is Beauty?
Many people are attracted to beauty.
I am. Are you?
It can be of something which is either conspicuous or covert.
But what is beauty? I would love to hear what you say. Comments are expected in themotherofzeus@gmail.com , you can also send some clandestine comments to me/my blog here (perhaps you're too shy to publicize your comment... =P).
I want not to define beauty, but I would like to be able to describe it.
I'm waiting!! (Hopefully I would get some responses... fingers crossed)
I am. Are you?
It can be of something which is either conspicuous or covert.
But what is beauty? I would love to hear what you say. Comments are expected in themotherofzeus@gmail.com , you can also send some clandestine comments to me/my blog here (perhaps you're too shy to publicize your comment... =P).
I want not to define beauty, but I would like to be able to describe it.
I'm waiting!! (Hopefully I would get some responses... fingers crossed)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Independent Fingers
When I muse in my blog, I (almost) always planned to make it short and sweet.
Nonetheless, when my fingers start typing, they seemingly can't be parted from the keyboard, my laptop's is one that they love most.
From there, the words just proliferate.
Beranak-pinak.
Is it too much if I regard my fingers as independent being? As they always type as they wish....
So that's why you see my postings are relatively longer than others'.
Don't blame me, blame my independent fingers.
PS: My independent fingers have helped me exorbitantly in my NTU exams. Perhaps they feel that idling is a sin. So on those exam books they will just write nonstop (may contain some rubbish though).
Nonetheless, when my fingers start typing, they seemingly can't be parted from the keyboard, my laptop's is one that they love most.
From there, the words just proliferate.
Beranak-pinak.
Is it too much if I regard my fingers as independent being? As they always type as they wish....
So that's why you see my postings are relatively longer than others'.
Don't blame me, blame my independent fingers.
PS: My independent fingers have helped me exorbitantly in my NTU exams. Perhaps they feel that idling is a sin. So on those exam books they will just write nonstop (may contain some rubbish though).
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Short Circuit
This is what will happen if you attempt to do software algorithm work with no relevant background. You will experience short-circuit. Not in your system or computer, but in your brain.
So think twice if you decide to choose that path.
My friends were surprised when I got this software-related job in a Research Institute.
My colleagues were surprised when they found out that I graduated from School of Mechanical and Production Engineering instead of School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering or School of Computer Engineer as they expected (and as how it should be). I always reasoned that I am from Mechatronics specialization which gives us knowledge in mechanical, electrical and computer (wide yet shallow - this is how I put it).
My supervisor is busy.
My poor partner (as he got me as a project mate) is busy.
My programming knowledge in C is OK.
In C++ NIL (luckily we don't use it much).
In Mex Program (MATLAB) NIL.
My program is small but in these three days I tried to debug the whole system (an unfamiliar land for me). One finding (i.e. a bright light) is a clue for another investigation. On and on 'til for an unknown period, it is one investigation after another.
And now: short circuit. My brain just reached its perigee. At almost 2 hours ago, I started to try reading a paper in order to understand one program (whose programmer I don't know) to help my debugging. Nonetheless, my brain refuses to compromise. The words are just meaningless, well, words.
Easy?
Not for me.
Oh TIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK....
*jeduk-jeduk kepala di tembok*
But i still prefer this than my previous "purely-mechanical engineering" job. And for only-God-knows reason, my supervisor was convinced that the best job for me is software algorithm development (with the concomitant debugging) upon my interview. I don't understand why? But I was glad he thinks that way as slowly but sure I want to leave mechanical engineering. *Finger crossed*
PS: As I am the only one non-PhD holder in this project (and another guy who has just finished his M.Eng in this area), perhaps they will regret hiring a Bachelor-holder. Ha! Sorry, folks.
So think twice if you decide to choose that path.
My friends were surprised when I got this software-related job in a Research Institute.
My colleagues were surprised when they found out that I graduated from School of Mechanical and Production Engineering instead of School of Electrical and Electronic Engineering or School of Computer Engineer as they expected (and as how it should be). I always reasoned that I am from Mechatronics specialization which gives us knowledge in mechanical, electrical and computer (wide yet shallow - this is how I put it).
My supervisor is busy.
My poor partner (as he got me as a project mate) is busy.
My programming knowledge in C is OK.
In C++ NIL (luckily we don't use it much).
In Mex Program (MATLAB) NIL.
My program is small but in these three days I tried to debug the whole system (an unfamiliar land for me). One finding (i.e. a bright light) is a clue for another investigation. On and on 'til for an unknown period, it is one investigation after another.
And now: short circuit. My brain just reached its perigee. At almost 2 hours ago, I started to try reading a paper in order to understand one program (whose programmer I don't know) to help my debugging. Nonetheless, my brain refuses to compromise. The words are just meaningless, well, words.
Easy?
Not for me.
Oh TIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKK....
*jeduk-jeduk kepala di tembok*
But i still prefer this than my previous "purely-mechanical engineering" job. And for only-God-knows reason, my supervisor was convinced that the best job for me is software algorithm development (with the concomitant debugging) upon my interview. I don't understand why? But I was glad he thinks that way as slowly but sure I want to leave mechanical engineering. *Finger crossed*
PS: As I am the only one non-PhD holder in this project (and another guy who has just finished his M.Eng in this area), perhaps they will regret hiring a Bachelor-holder. Ha! Sorry, folks.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Christmas is Coming
I always love Christmas. Even before I was baptized Catholic (in 1991). Alas, until now I always celebrate Christmas in summer. It means that snow, sleigh ride, chestnut roasting on an open fire, snowman, White Christmas and Winter Wonderland are just in the carols.
Being born from non-Catholic parents also mean that log cakes, Christmas pudding, turkey, fruit cakes, ham, cranberry sauce did not present in my childhood during the festive season. They are only in my Christmas storybooks and movies. I remember one time I asked my mom to buy mistletoe to be hung on my bedroom’s door. Nonetheless, it looked dull without the concomitant ornaments.
It goes without saying that I always love Christmas songs. The “always” works literally. December or July, I can have Christmas tunes to satisfy my audio senses. My friend used to tease me that I have “wrong-season syndrome”.
I used to have heaps of Christmas audio-cassettes at home (and now surely I have to change them with CDs). My favorites are always those sung with choirs. It brings the solemnity through the slow soft tunes it carries. It is the closest to Cathedral from home.
I liked to watch Christmas movies, especially those family movies. It may sound rather childish and placid but I used to watch Home Alone. Not that I was captivated by the story or Macaulay Culkin, but I really savor all the Christmas moments nicely delineated by the director. I don’t need to fly over to US to know about Rockefeller Center.
The best parts of children storybooks (e.g. Enid Blyton) are those when the family or school is celebrating the joyous noel. Especially when they explain about the food, hmmm…. Including those in Harry Potter series.
Each year I bought stacks of Christmas Cards, I even collected some collectable and artistic one, or those with nice wordings. In my high school, I used to design and create my own cards but now, I just have no time (a very polite way to cache laziness?).
My preferred Christmas songs also depend on my age. Cheerful songs attract me more when I was younger. Entering the adolescent stage, Last Christmas by W.H.A.M, Christmas Time by Backstreet Boys and Mariah Carey’s collection appealed to me. Two years ago I love “All I Want for Christmas is You” sang by Olivia Olson for “Love Actually”, one of my favorite movie (is it because it is about Christmas?). Last year I dislike (disclaimer: only temporarily) “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” for the very high tunes that soprano needs to sing in the choir. I always love “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono, and “The Christmas Song (Chestnut Roasting”. The first one is also very deep in meaning.
And now, Christmas is coming!!
When I sauntered along Orchard Road and City Hall area, shopping malls and hotels have started propping up their big Christmas trees. Not long for now, I bet Orchard Road will be lit up. I wonder what the colors theme they will employ for this year.
Christmas albums from Vienna Boys’ Choir and Mormon Tabernacle Choir start visiting my ears again.
Ironically, on Christmas Eve I avoid being in public place (except church – preferably Midnight Mass), although they have colorful Christmas celebration and tunes. You know why? Because they just spoil the tranquility and holiness of Christmas (the day when Baby Jesus was born loooong time ago). I am NOT against any Christmas Parties, but just take a look at Orchard Road on Christmas Eve and you know what I mean. I just feel that it is not the right atmosphere. What say you?
Christmas is red and green…
… sometimes with golden sprinkles….
Christmas is blue and silver…
Christmas is WHITE… It is still my dream to have a White Christmas and a table-full of Christmas turkeys, cakes, puddings, etc etc etc who frantically invite me to savor them….
And who knows Rudolph with just pass by with Father Christmas…
Being born from non-Catholic parents also mean that log cakes, Christmas pudding, turkey, fruit cakes, ham, cranberry sauce did not present in my childhood during the festive season. They are only in my Christmas storybooks and movies. I remember one time I asked my mom to buy mistletoe to be hung on my bedroom’s door. Nonetheless, it looked dull without the concomitant ornaments.
It goes without saying that I always love Christmas songs. The “always” works literally. December or July, I can have Christmas tunes to satisfy my audio senses. My friend used to tease me that I have “wrong-season syndrome”.
I used to have heaps of Christmas audio-cassettes at home (and now surely I have to change them with CDs). My favorites are always those sung with choirs. It brings the solemnity through the slow soft tunes it carries. It is the closest to Cathedral from home.
I liked to watch Christmas movies, especially those family movies. It may sound rather childish and placid but I used to watch Home Alone. Not that I was captivated by the story or Macaulay Culkin, but I really savor all the Christmas moments nicely delineated by the director. I don’t need to fly over to US to know about Rockefeller Center.
The best parts of children storybooks (e.g. Enid Blyton) are those when the family or school is celebrating the joyous noel. Especially when they explain about the food, hmmm…. Including those in Harry Potter series.
Each year I bought stacks of Christmas Cards, I even collected some collectable and artistic one, or those with nice wordings. In my high school, I used to design and create my own cards but now, I just have no time (a very polite way to cache laziness?).
My preferred Christmas songs also depend on my age. Cheerful songs attract me more when I was younger. Entering the adolescent stage, Last Christmas by W.H.A.M, Christmas Time by Backstreet Boys and Mariah Carey’s collection appealed to me. Two years ago I love “All I Want for Christmas is You” sang by Olivia Olson for “Love Actually”, one of my favorite movie (is it because it is about Christmas?). Last year I dislike (disclaimer: only temporarily) “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” for the very high tunes that soprano needs to sing in the choir. I always love “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono, and “The Christmas Song (Chestnut Roasting”. The first one is also very deep in meaning.
And now, Christmas is coming!!
When I sauntered along Orchard Road and City Hall area, shopping malls and hotels have started propping up their big Christmas trees. Not long for now, I bet Orchard Road will be lit up. I wonder what the colors theme they will employ for this year.
Christmas albums from Vienna Boys’ Choir and Mormon Tabernacle Choir start visiting my ears again.
Ironically, on Christmas Eve I avoid being in public place (except church – preferably Midnight Mass), although they have colorful Christmas celebration and tunes. You know why? Because they just spoil the tranquility and holiness of Christmas (the day when Baby Jesus was born loooong time ago). I am NOT against any Christmas Parties, but just take a look at Orchard Road on Christmas Eve and you know what I mean. I just feel that it is not the right atmosphere. What say you?
Christmas is red and green…
… sometimes with golden sprinkles….
Christmas is blue and silver…
Christmas is WHITE… It is still my dream to have a White Christmas and a table-full of Christmas turkeys, cakes, puddings, etc etc etc who frantically invite me to savor them….
And who knows Rudolph with just pass by with Father Christmas…
Monday, November 07, 2005
Darts in the Dark
Sometimes in life, we need to throw some darts in the dark. When all is just right, we might hit the target perfectly and nicely.
These are the times when we need both luck and deftness.
We might try our best to position ourselves accurately, even to calculate the projectile angle. We can make our best surmise about the trajectory distance and even the necessary force to be exerted.
Nonetheless, a complete darkness is where we are in. However best our preparation may be, obscurity is still the default situation. There is nothing we can do about that limitation.
Using probability theory, we may as well try to throw as many darts as possible to get a higher chance of an accurate aiming. Alas, remember the occasional paucity of the darts.
At times, we need to wait for the Lady Luck to sprinkle her benign dusts. Or if the Fortune Goddess is really with us, someone may come with his flickering candle or even flaming torch….
C’est la vie, mes amis. Just hope and do the best, I guess.
These are the times when we need both luck and deftness.
We might try our best to position ourselves accurately, even to calculate the projectile angle. We can make our best surmise about the trajectory distance and even the necessary force to be exerted.
Nonetheless, a complete darkness is where we are in. However best our preparation may be, obscurity is still the default situation. There is nothing we can do about that limitation.
Using probability theory, we may as well try to throw as many darts as possible to get a higher chance of an accurate aiming. Alas, remember the occasional paucity of the darts.
At times, we need to wait for the Lady Luck to sprinkle her benign dusts. Or if the Fortune Goddess is really with us, someone may come with his flickering candle or even flaming torch….
C’est la vie, mes amis. Just hope and do the best, I guess.
Friday, November 04, 2005
My CHARIC...
CHARIC is not an alien language, it does not come from Timbuktu or Dayak or Madura, and not an aboriginal either.
CHARIC stands for the initial of six people’s first names, with me included. The other five are my dearest friends, who are now living different life paths. There are three guys and three girls, with no in-Charic relationship whatsoever.
We have a very minimum frequency of meeting up, yet we are still very close and we have never lost our bonding. We are very grateful to the technology of internet, which makes it possible to still update each other with what life has offered us until now.
Way back in October 2002 was when we were first formed. Actually, I had known all of them by then.
Let start from the guys.
The first C – he was my NTU friend, we both studied in School of Mechanical and Production Engineering, though we opted different specialization. He is my relatives’ neighbor in Jakarta. He knows my twin cousins better than I do. Watch out, he is a taekwondo champion.
H – A renown businessman, though he studied Material Engineering in NTU. He liked to conduct a cooking session in his room with his fellow hall-mates and some migratory ones like me. Don’t be amazed yet, sometimes cooking may mean steamboat in a rice cooker. We enjoyed the session, though. Psst, we all speculated that he will be the first among us to tie the knot.
A – In our first Get Together Day (Freshmen Orientation Program for Indonesian students in NTU), A and I were placed in one group. That’s where our friendship started. He is the most matured among us, and we simply call him “Mbah” which refers to a well-respected Sage. He is whom we look for to get advices and input and… erm, some palmistry as well. Nowadays, it is difficult to ask him joining our gathering as he often commute between Indonesia and Singapore for erm, future-being.
And now the girls.
R – I have known here since she had the size of 50 cm and 3.05 kg, simply because it is me.
I – Our most-talented. An avid thespian artist, all her works; poetry, scriptwriting, acting, theatrical make up artist, singing will invite many thumbs-up. A typical career woman, she is always the most dynamic (and chic) among us. Despite her busyness, at most of the times she will be the one to trigger our outing or gathering. I also played a role in egging her very famous nickname, I** when we were classmates in 1-3, SMU Santa Ursula, Jakarta.
C – our youngest but not the least. She is famous for her melodious voice, smartness and her shopping-spree hobby. I’ve known her even before she was accepted in NTU. One day with my sore eyes, I was called by the directress of NTU’s International Students Unit to meet her. She was very surprised that we remain connected and even became close friends. We have different circle of friends at school but we worked in same committee before. And we used to talk just like sisters. With her promising career, she is now a high-flyer.
(I suddenly feel like writing Friendster’s testimonials)
Though I had known all of them, some of them were still foreign to each other. Fate had brought us to attend a 3-days 2-nights Indonesian Catholic retreat. And after that, we are bound. Then, the mailing list was formed after we all agreed to name our dear group as CHARIC.
Blame our busyness, which are all very different from each other, a complete gathering has become a very rare occurrence. The last time was in NTU’s hall 14, when we ate pecel with a jumbled mix of food, including yong tau fu’s stuffs. Ha!! The pecel “dressing” freshly came from Ponorogo, sluuurrpp!!!
That was already more than two years ago. Since then, our best gatherings are virtuals, through our yahoogroup. Sometimes four or five of us are still determined to meet, though we still long for a complete gathering.
Why does CHARIC have a special place in my heart (and I believe in other’s heart as well)?
We have literally grown together, especially while entering our quarter-life crisis. When we started, we were all students plus one very-fresh graduate. Now, some of us have even job-hopped, changed career direction, obtained a Master degree, etc.
For us, CHARIC is a place to share our confusion, struggle and restlessness to find the correct direction. Though we take six different directions, but we are all journeying through one thing called LIFE.
We discussed about NTU exams, and now about the real exams in going through life.
It was Final Year Project, and now it is our endless works.
It was boy-girl relationship, and not it is man-woman relationship.
We shared in many forms; the luckier ones can share in forms of poems, whereas others are satisfied with simple sharing and questions.
Do we really expect an answer for every question that we throw? Not really, as none of us is an expert in life, none has gone through the life-phase that we are going through. We are all still in learning process.
So what do we get when we send an e-mail, even a short one? Firstly is definitely an encouragement. Continued by sharing, which becomes the essence as from there we try to grapple some clues which may lead us to the answer.
Hence, at least for me, CHARIC has somewhat become my learning ground and holding grip. As we stagger forward, we always try to help each other, which in a way will also help us.
Last Wednesday (2 November 2005) we insisted to meet up although only four members could confirm their attendance. So we met up at 11.15 pm at McCafe around Orchard. Though we are tired and sleepy, we still value this rare opportunity highly. We stayed until 2 am with a lot of trafficking discussion in between.
Folks, I am still waiting for our complete CHARIC gathering…
Wish you all the best always in whatever path you are taking.
Sincerely dedicated to: My CHARIC. Thank you for all that we have had!!
CHARIC stands for the initial of six people’s first names, with me included. The other five are my dearest friends, who are now living different life paths. There are three guys and three girls, with no in-Charic relationship whatsoever.
We have a very minimum frequency of meeting up, yet we are still very close and we have never lost our bonding. We are very grateful to the technology of internet, which makes it possible to still update each other with what life has offered us until now.
Way back in October 2002 was when we were first formed. Actually, I had known all of them by then.
Let start from the guys.
The first C – he was my NTU friend, we both studied in School of Mechanical and Production Engineering, though we opted different specialization. He is my relatives’ neighbor in Jakarta. He knows my twin cousins better than I do. Watch out, he is a taekwondo champion.
H – A renown businessman, though he studied Material Engineering in NTU. He liked to conduct a cooking session in his room with his fellow hall-mates and some migratory ones like me. Don’t be amazed yet, sometimes cooking may mean steamboat in a rice cooker. We enjoyed the session, though. Psst, we all speculated that he will be the first among us to tie the knot.
A – In our first Get Together Day (Freshmen Orientation Program for Indonesian students in NTU), A and I were placed in one group. That’s where our friendship started. He is the most matured among us, and we simply call him “Mbah” which refers to a well-respected Sage. He is whom we look for to get advices and input and… erm, some palmistry as well. Nowadays, it is difficult to ask him joining our gathering as he often commute between Indonesia and Singapore for erm, future-being.
And now the girls.
R – I have known here since she had the size of 50 cm and 3.05 kg, simply because it is me.
I – Our most-talented. An avid thespian artist, all her works; poetry, scriptwriting, acting, theatrical make up artist, singing will invite many thumbs-up. A typical career woman, she is always the most dynamic (and chic) among us. Despite her busyness, at most of the times she will be the one to trigger our outing or gathering. I also played a role in egging her very famous nickname, I** when we were classmates in 1-3, SMU Santa Ursula, Jakarta.
C – our youngest but not the least. She is famous for her melodious voice, smartness and her shopping-spree hobby. I’ve known her even before she was accepted in NTU. One day with my sore eyes, I was called by the directress of NTU’s International Students Unit to meet her. She was very surprised that we remain connected and even became close friends. We have different circle of friends at school but we worked in same committee before. And we used to talk just like sisters. With her promising career, she is now a high-flyer.
(I suddenly feel like writing Friendster’s testimonials)
Though I had known all of them, some of them were still foreign to each other. Fate had brought us to attend a 3-days 2-nights Indonesian Catholic retreat. And after that, we are bound. Then, the mailing list was formed after we all agreed to name our dear group as CHARIC.
Blame our busyness, which are all very different from each other, a complete gathering has become a very rare occurrence. The last time was in NTU’s hall 14, when we ate pecel with a jumbled mix of food, including yong tau fu’s stuffs. Ha!! The pecel “dressing” freshly came from Ponorogo, sluuurrpp!!!
That was already more than two years ago. Since then, our best gatherings are virtuals, through our yahoogroup. Sometimes four or five of us are still determined to meet, though we still long for a complete gathering.
Why does CHARIC have a special place in my heart (and I believe in other’s heart as well)?
We have literally grown together, especially while entering our quarter-life crisis. When we started, we were all students plus one very-fresh graduate. Now, some of us have even job-hopped, changed career direction, obtained a Master degree, etc.
For us, CHARIC is a place to share our confusion, struggle and restlessness to find the correct direction. Though we take six different directions, but we are all journeying through one thing called LIFE.
We discussed about NTU exams, and now about the real exams in going through life.
It was Final Year Project, and now it is our endless works.
It was boy-girl relationship, and not it is man-woman relationship.
We shared in many forms; the luckier ones can share in forms of poems, whereas others are satisfied with simple sharing and questions.
Do we really expect an answer for every question that we throw? Not really, as none of us is an expert in life, none has gone through the life-phase that we are going through. We are all still in learning process.
So what do we get when we send an e-mail, even a short one? Firstly is definitely an encouragement. Continued by sharing, which becomes the essence as from there we try to grapple some clues which may lead us to the answer.
Hence, at least for me, CHARIC has somewhat become my learning ground and holding grip. As we stagger forward, we always try to help each other, which in a way will also help us.
Last Wednesday (2 November 2005) we insisted to meet up although only four members could confirm their attendance. So we met up at 11.15 pm at McCafe around Orchard. Though we are tired and sleepy, we still value this rare opportunity highly. We stayed until 2 am with a lot of trafficking discussion in between.
Folks, I am still waiting for our complete CHARIC gathering…
Wish you all the best always in whatever path you are taking.
Sincerely dedicated to: My CHARIC. Thank you for all that we have had!!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
The Sublimity of Young Voices
Wow, are they real? That was my first impression when the soft tune of Veni Creator Spiritus filled up Esplanade Concert Hall at the eve of Hari Raya (Idul Fitri), 2 November 2005.
Minutes before, it was a mundane voice and now, the celestial one. After silence fell in the air following the announcement at the beginning of the concert; please switch off your hand phones and pagers, no photography and recording are allowed… suddenly the august (not refer to the eighth month of the year though) harmony of boys of 10-14 years of age’s voices suffused the hall and prevailed in our audio senses.
Wow, I couldn’t really believe that the widely renown Vienna Boys Choir are just meters away from me. And the fact that their angelic (not an overstatement here) voices are real, was just… unreal.
As a matter of fact, I am not a choral person, even to expect me to hum along with the famous choir is illegal. Among the 26++ (the ‘++’ refers to those songs performed upon “encore” request) songs in the concert, I could only catch one phrase: Mo Li Hua (Jasmine Flower), a Chinese song that they sung before concluding the concert (only because one character of my seldom-used Chinese name was taken from that). Apparently, none of the songs was in English. Majority was in Germany, as they came from Austria. Some songs are from India, Uzbekistan, Pakistan, India (complete with Indian Percussion), Hungary, China (complete with the flutes), Austrian Folk Songs with some boys dressed in their traditional outfits and performed some traditional dancing. There was a violin player also. Nonetheless, my linguistic limitation was no barrier to enjoy the performance. All in all, it was really impressive, magnificent.
When the time for solo performance comes, you would be even more surprised by the power that they hide in their boyish and rather-small figures; their voices could easily filled up the vast concert hall. The main soprano was also very handsome, ouuuwwww…. My prime location in Balcony A gave me the advantage of having a good angle to watch him singing.
They have different timbre in their voices. Different intensity as well. But when they sang as one, they literally sang as one. Very clean and crystal-clear voice, and nobody (even the main soprano or alto – not tenor and bass yet as they are still boys) tried to outperform other voices.
But boys are boys. They were very relaxed when singing. Some even sneezed and coughed. Some smirked to each other during the interval. But it didn’t attenuate the quality of the concert. Perhaps for them, singing is as normal as breathing….
Minutes before, it was a mundane voice and now, the celestial one. After silence fell in the air following the announcement at the beginning of the concert; please switch off your hand phones and pagers, no photography and recording are allowed… suddenly the august (not refer to the eighth month of the year though) harmony of boys of 10-14 years of age’s voices suffused the hall and prevailed in our audio senses.
Wow, I couldn’t really believe that the widely renown Vienna Boys Choir are just meters away from me. And the fact that their angelic (not an overstatement here) voices are real, was just… unreal.
As a matter of fact, I am not a choral person, even to expect me to hum along with the famous choir is illegal. Among the 26++ (the ‘++’ refers to those songs performed upon “encore” request) songs in the concert, I could only catch one phrase: Mo Li Hua (Jasmine Flower), a Chinese song that they sung before concluding the concert (only because one character of my seldom-used Chinese name was taken from that). Apparently, none of the songs was in English. Majority was in Germany, as they came from Austria. Some songs are from India, Uzbekistan, Pakistan, India (complete with Indian Percussion), Hungary, China (complete with the flutes), Austrian Folk Songs with some boys dressed in their traditional outfits and performed some traditional dancing. There was a violin player also. Nonetheless, my linguistic limitation was no barrier to enjoy the performance. All in all, it was really impressive, magnificent.
When the time for solo performance comes, you would be even more surprised by the power that they hide in their boyish and rather-small figures; their voices could easily filled up the vast concert hall. The main soprano was also very handsome, ouuuwwww…. My prime location in Balcony A gave me the advantage of having a good angle to watch him singing.
They have different timbre in their voices. Different intensity as well. But when they sang as one, they literally sang as one. Very clean and crystal-clear voice, and nobody (even the main soprano or alto – not tenor and bass yet as they are still boys) tried to outperform other voices.
But boys are boys. They were very relaxed when singing. Some even sneezed and coughed. Some smirked to each other during the interval. But it didn’t attenuate the quality of the concert. Perhaps for them, singing is as normal as breathing….
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