drowning...

I chat a lot with my Austrian friend. She is a wonderful friend and I almost find my 'twin' in her (despite the fact that I am 14 cm shorter).

We often shared stories and experiences in our high school/undergrad. How difficult the subjects were, how horrible the exams were... but we ended it by "yeah, somehow I still got an A." Sometimes the classes can be very difficult, but only because you're still (slightly) better than the rest, you still manage to get an A. This case is not applicable here at MIT.

At MIT, if you want to get an A you really have to put your B.E.S.T effort C.O.N.T.I.N.U.O.U.S.L.Y, A.L.W.A.Y.S. Believe me, it's a wonder sometimes to know that there are S.O. M.A.N.Y. intelligent people exist, how smart they are, and why on earth do they all have the same idea about coming to MIT. It seems that you can only relax at MIT iff (if and only if):
- you are super smart
- you don't really care about the grade
- your parents fund your education that you don't need to think about securing your own funding etc etc

I always think about my situation with the following analogy (that I've been using since high school I guess):

Imagine you are an entity in the world that occupies a certain coordinate x and y. Your current situation is defined by coordinate z -- which can always varies.
Imagine a swimming pool. Your very own x and y coordinates refer to one point in the swimming pool. The variable, z, is the depth of the swimming pool -- exactly at x and y that you're occupying. z varies for each combination of x and y -- everybody has his/her own problem, that is.

You, as a human, need oxygen from the air, not the water. In other words, you need to float -- you'll lose your breathe if you just stand on the base of the swimming pool.

In my earlier education, my z is not too deep. Thus, I can afford to rest a while by standing and not trying to float. I still can breath and, thus, live.

Now, my z is soooo deep. I have to stay floating all the time. Move my body in order to float even when I start losing energy and hope. I'll be drown if I ever stop floating. I can still survive (surprisingly), but it's just toooooo tiring sometimes.

It's crazy. One small glitch on one of your day, your entire week or even two weeks are in jeopardy.

That's what happen to me now. Wish me luck.