I Had A Dream…

Yes, as it is written there, I used Past Tense. I used to have few dreams. Nonetheless, as I journey along my so-called life path I’ve seen more of my dreams shattered rather than coming into life. It is true, though, that something else came along the way and turned to be… well, better that what I had wished for. Now I see life more realistically. The ever-optimist and dreamful Rhea always believed (notice the past tense) that we can get whatever we dream for, any time we want it to happen. But one day, I woke up with my eyes open-wide and realized that in real world, nothing can come in at an instant. Life is a struggle and a battlefield. There is no constant smoothness along the journey. On that day also, I was dragged out from my cocoon, my comfort zone and was forced to taste the bitterness of life, apart from its blissful sweetness. But on that very day, I started to learn about the essence, the significance and the true meaning of life.

When I was younger, I used to see the world from a rose-tinted glass. As a student, what can you worry about? My cocoon consisted of my caring family, warm home and a bunch of joyful friends. What else could you ask? What I did were just studying, enjoying my time with the loved ones and dreaming about my future, which at that time I assumed to be bright and hopeful. Ironically, now as a young adult embracing her quarter-life, I spend a large portion of my time worrying and questioning about my future. As a student, getting some respectable (and even dignifying) achievements was not really out of my ability (or luck, perhaps?). It had then misled me to savor some degree of complacency. I thought that I will continue achieving my other glossy and astronomical dreams with same level of handiness. Luckily enough, it was not too late for me to realize that I was wrong. Completely wrong.

Dear optimists out there, please don’t condemn me as yet. Dear pessimists, don’t snigger at me… yet. I still keep some degree of optimism intact. I DO believe that dreams will come true, eventually. It may be sooner than what we expect but there is a possibility also that it may come much later. On one condition, that we really put what it takes wholeheartedly.

I still do have some dreams, though truthfully sometimes I am just afraid to keep them. Afraid of losing them, afraid of seeing them shattered again just like their brothers and sisters previously, afraid that I am flying to high and a typhoon may hit me hard. So hard that I fall FLAT to the ground. Or worse still, flat and crushed.

As I have grown more maturely (I suppose, or rather… I hope) I am now able to humbly put more pieces of reality and bits of true facts of life in constructing my puzzle of life. The way I see it now is that it still lacks most of the pieces, and I still keep my finger crossed while filling in the void with whatever I had. I have limited time and resources. These constraints really become the major hurdles for me as per now. With all its limitation, human being indeed can only do certain things in a given time. I know that I may need to sacrifice something to get the other. It is just that for this very moment, I am still not capable of justifying and bang the hammer on the table to announce that a decision has been made. I still have to survive in this competitive and rat-race world, anyway.

I have wrapped my dreams in a soft linen to keep it warm, embalmed them with scents to keep the mist of hope and put them inside a beautiful and stunning mummy caskets. I know they are there now, waiting for the right moment for me to unlatch the lock and breathe some new fresh air into its nostril. Resurrection is what I am going to do one day, after I have finished sorting things out. After I have enough contemplation to know what I am really after in this life, what I really enjoy doing and what is most meaningful not only for me, but also for God and Church (as the center of my life), my dearest family now and later. After I master skillfully the art of taming this fast-pacing life and at the same time not letting myself to lag too far behind.

A resurrection of my dreams is what’s going to happen one day, I promise you. Meanwhile, I need to arm myself with a bunch of things. To learn how to fly high, really high. To stagger on even when the typhoon (or tsunami as long as I live in South-East Asia) comes and challenge my courage. To be ready even when I have to fall flat (and crushed) to the ground. To learn how to gather myself again, with whatever remains behind, and stand up from that disgraceful position. To learn how to MAGNIFY my courage and determination even after a series of falls and failures. To learn not to lose my faith, wherever my life may lead me to. And then… I’ll be ready for more stellar dreams and adventures.

COURAGE IS THE MASTER OF ALL FEARS. This is what my fortune cookies told me one day, coincidentally when I was faced with one of the most fearful occurrence in my life (yes, along the journey to pursue one of my incredible dream…).

With this, I say to God “God, just walk with me. I know I will then need no other things.”
And I know He will say “So be it. AMEN.”


Regards,
Rhea, who suddenly gain more optimism….