thinking out loud -- overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed with the many things at (my) hand right now. So much so that I have to breathe in, calm myself down, and breathe out sloooooooowly; hoping that things will get better and my mind will be less muddy. I can't really think now, I am panicking and I don't know what should I do first. I have books, notebooks, papers all around me. Not to mention one MATLAB code running, another simulation running at a remote client, and after that's done I'll have to start six (or seven?) other simulations in six (or seven?) different client computers.

OK, so here's what I have in the list (as the title suggests, I am thinking out loud here):

(1) FAA Research

As some of you may have known, my study at MIT is fully funded by the Department; and for my specific project and work it comes directly from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) -- if you go to the Mall in Washington DC, you'd see the office building: next to the Aircraft Museum (Aviation? Aerospace? where you know what I mean, the one housing Wright brother's plane). That means, I have to fulfill myriads or request and myriad other paperworks (!!!!) . Well you know how it is if you work with a large organization, especially when it is affiliated with government. On top of the agony, my advisor is currently enjoying her sabbatical year in New Zealand. Communication is done through skype and... documents: mostly in .pdf file. However, being a super-demanding and perfectionist person that she is, I can't do it in Microsoft Word (it's for high school she says). Rather, I have to type (and "code") in LaTeX; which I also prefer, but can take longer to finish.

Anywaaaaaaaayyy... I have to devise my own experiments, do it, etc etc etc... not knowing whether it's the right way to do (nobody has ever done what I am doing it before). Too much coding, too much debugging, too much testing, too much caffeine...

(2) Thesis Research

So, apart from my FAA research, I still have my own personal research. By "personal" it means I have to figure out a problem, gaps in literature review, and produce a novelty in the end. it's maddening.... how I spend Saturdays reading stacks of papers, not knowing whether I'll use them or not. But literature review is the backbone of any research, so you'd have to do what you have to do. This research will be the main topic and content of my PhD thesis (if I ever graduate).

After tons of papers being read, my advisor and I concluded that the (broad) topic that we had discussed is indeed new and waiting for someone to work on it (that's me!!).

So I have to devise my own experiments, do coding, evolve the code and problem, expand the problem, scale the problem, etc etc etc...... In other words, it's not easy. I am having a sketchy start now :(.

(3) Qual preparation

Ah, qual. The most dreading word in my mundane life now. Qual is a short form of qualifying exam that all potential PhD students have to take, but with varying difficulties and passing rate across departments. The two contenders for the most difficult and lowest passing rate are: Dept. of Mechanical Engineering and Dept. of Aeronautics/Astronautics (mine!). This year (2008), Aero/Astro unquestionably won. The results are very surprising to most qual takers. Even some outstanding students failed miserably. So now you know why am I panicking. I wanted to start preparing during Summer but I didn't have time. By the way my qual will be in January *shudder*. The classes that will be examined (orally): I took them TWO years ago. So I guess I must attend and sit in those classes again *big sigh*. One of the class is at 8 am twice a week!!!

(3) Coursework

Due to my mounting workload and qual preparation, my advisor suggests that I only take one class this semester, which I agree. However, I still haven't really decided on which class to take. I want something useful, interesting, and not too time-consuming: difficult criterion indeed. The class that I currently take seems really interesting, I like the professor and he likes me, but it requires a lot of work. Booh.

I am also a Listener for another class: The Airline Industry. Interesting indeed, but I don't think I'll take it for credit. Just as a Listener.

There's another class that I am interested at, but requires Artificial Intelligence and State Estimation background :(.

There are many challenging (read: fun) classes that I really want to take, but I have to restrain myself from taking them; following people who have taken their quals (no challenging classes when you need to prepare for the qual).

Ah, well, I'll just stick to the class that I've registered and hope for the best... and more caffeine.

(4) Others...

I seriously consider joining MIT Concert Choir; but I don't know. The commitment is 5 hours/week... imagine how much work you can do within that time.

I'll cook more; the least thing I can do to myself at this time is to enjoy my meal, and food in Boston in general sucks *no offense*. Let me rephrase, food around MIT sucks.

Okay, that's all from now. In ~30 minutes time I'm going to attend a seminar on Flapping Wings Aerodynamics or something like that... Exciting!!

* I am hungry *

* I still enjoy my current life much more than when I worked though *