Looking back - January

The year 2005 is nearing its end very soon. In fact it's just few days away from now. Started thinking of growing older (as we everyday do actually) and pondered of what have happened, what have been done and what should have been done in the past 365 days.

Hmm, looking back, perhaps it is not my most productive year. It may not be the one with my most achievements nor any other things which worth mentioning.

However, I still regard this year as one of the most meaningful to me. Not with the amount of activities nor accolades that I have gathered. Frankly speaking, it was partly due to my decision to step back from the brouhaha that I could really find "my life". It is difficult to explain but it is.

The world is seemingly a constant pandemonium. If you let yourself be dragged in it, so there your life will be; in a commotion and sometimes it's hard to pull ourself out from its epicenter.

In church context, it is adviced that we become like Mary as much as like Martha. Sometimes we were too busy doing something (even some good things or even religious conducts) but we concentrate more on the "movements" and not into the real essence of it.

My decision to step back was not without a cost. The label of "anti-social" is associated with me sometimes. Perhaps I am too self-centric but I don't really care. As long as I am not diverting myself from the righteous, from my God and morale norms I don't think I should bother with what other think about me.

By retracting myself (sufficiently, not completely) I learn more about me, myself and God. More about the purpose of my life, its direction and how to attain them.

This does not mean my activities are any less at all. It was just about change in focus, and I feel much much much more comfortable in it.

The one who helps me in setting the direction (without the person even realizing it sometimes) and bringing me back some hopes came on the fateful date of 15 January 2005. That's the line that separates history from the present, more like.

How amazing that God's blessing started pouring down on me (heavily) as early as that in a year!